I pictured him at the grocery store, lost… lost without me… lost in a new existence that neither of us anticipated.
I did not need to see Nick right now. I needed as much time and separation as I could get from him. The only thing lunch would do was confuse me more. And we would have to be so fake. It’s not like we could hash out our years of issues in front of my parents and my brother and his perfect freaking family.
I looked at the backyard and contemplated my escape.
“Are you really going to run away?”
I could tell Emily was laughing at me, but this was so much more serious than she realized.
“I was thinking about it.” I let out an aggravated sigh.
“Emily and Kate, the food is getting cold!” My mother’s voice sounded shrill and irritated through the house.
I looked at Emily, hoping she would have a solution. “It’s just one lunch,” she shrugged. She held the door open wider and I stepped through it, knowing there was no way to avoid the impending train wreck.
I breathed deeply and made it to the dining room, where I stopped breathing altogether.
Sure enough, Nick was there.
Our eyes locked and I could feel his uncertainty pulsing off him in waves. He stood when he saw me, pushing back from the chair and making an awkward gesture of helplessness with his hands.
His smile was nervous and he looked as nice as he did the other day. Another oxford, this one a deep gray that brought out the blue in his eyes.
“What are you doing-” I had just about asked him why he was here, but he was right when he accused me of always being surprised to see him.
Even though this time I felt justified.
I started to wonder if I really did expect that he would stop living after I left him. Not that I wanted him to die, I just couldn’t imagine his story apart from mine. I couldn’t picture him in a life that didn’t include me or a future that didn’t revolve around me.
Did that make me the most self-absorbed person in the world?
Nick’s lips twitched tellingly from obvious nerves. “I called your dad last week to see if I could pick up the amps we’d stored in his garage.”
“I forgot about those.” I cut a look to my dad, who was stalwartly avoiding eye contact with me.
“I knew we’d be home today,” my dad told his roast chicken.
“I invited him to lunch,” my mother declared. I looked at her, my eyes bugging out of my head. “What?” she gasped innocently. “Just because you no longer want the boy, doesn’t mean we’re ready to give him up. He’s our son. We miss him.”
Their son???
They missed him? They couldn’t stand him!
I turned back to Nick with wide eyes, expecting him to be as skeptical of my parents as I was. But his gaze had narrowed and his smile had turned into a hard line.
“I’m sorry,” I told him sincerely.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” he answered curtly.
“Sit down,” my father demanded. “The food’s getting cold.”
I did as I was told, which meant I took the seat next to Nick. It was convenient how that was the only one left open.
We started to pass the food around the table and conversation began, but it was stilted and forced. My entire body prickled with unease. It was one thing to face Nick in my house, away from other people and prying eyes. But it was something else entirely to be on display in front of my family.
I felt their judgment skyrocket. I felt my own guilt triple. It was so stupid. I shouldn’t have to deal with this!
When everyone but Nick and I was engaged in conversation, he leaned in and murmured, “You don’t have to throw a temper tantrum. I won’t bother you for long.”
I gave him a fast glare and refocused on tearing my biscuit to shreds. “I’m not throwing a temper tantrum.”
“Oh, really?” his chuckle was dark and without humor.
“Why do you need your amps? I thought you didn’t like their sound?”
He stabbed at his chicken with his fork and knife, sawing them savagely. “Is it a crime to come over to your parents’ house? To get my stuff?”
“Stop avoiding the question.”