“I’ll vote for you,” I tell him.
“I’m not sure I want to be a politician,” Estaine says. “My dad wants me to be president someday. He’s told me that, since I was a kid. But I think I might want to do something else.”
“Good, ’cause I don’t think my dad would let me date a future democrat.”
Estaine laughs.
“I thought your dad was dead,” Emma says.
Ah, crud.
“He is,” I say. “I just... my uncle... sometimes I call him dad, ’cause I was raised with him.”
“Oh, okay,” she says, accepting my response. “Where is Teagan this morning? And Jason.”
“She snuck back in the dorm early this morning,” I say. “I’m guessing they’re going to be sleeping late.”
“About time those two started dating,” Ian says. “Jason’s been pining over her since freshman year.”
“Why haven’t they dated before now?” I ask.
I seriously thought it was Jason who didn’t want to date Teagan. She told me she had a crush on somebody at the beginning of the year. I assumed she met Jason, but maybe it wasn’t him.
“Teagan always turned him down before,” Ian says.
“Why?” I ask.
“How would I know?” he asks.
And now I’m curious... just who has she been crushing on?
11pm.
Pretty obvious.
Estaine and I are sitting on the boat dock; my feet are dangling over the water.
Bryce and Emma are somewhere out here, and Jason and Teagan we lost somewhere along the way. We were all supposed to hang out together, but I don’t mind hanging out with just Estaine. I’m the most comfortable when it’s just the two of us.
“Do you ever feel like we are deceiving everybody?” I ask Estaine, as I look out at the water.
“You’re lying to save your life,” he says. “I think they would understand.”
“I didn’t mean about that part,” I say. “I mean, about us. You know, we’re fake dating, or whatever. I feel really guilty. I’m lying enough about other things. I don’t want to lie about us, too.”
“If we have a fake break up, we couldn’t continue hanging out like this,” he says. “I mean, people would think we were back together. Nobody would believe we’re just friends. Plus, even before we started fake dating, everybody knew that I had... have.. feelings for you.”
“You... do?” I ask.
“I thought it was pretty obvious.”
Maybe.
Kind of.
But also, not at all.
“Maybe to everybody else,” I say.
Maybe I was just too obsessed over Brooks, in the beginning, to even notice that Estaine liked me.
Brooks was very vocal about his feelings towards me. But Estaine... he’s just been my friend. He’s been there for me from the beginning. And my feelings for him have slowly been developing.
“You really didn’t know?” he asks.
I shake my head.
“Well, I like you,” Estaine says.
I can’t help but smile. I never expected him to just come out and say it. He’s usually more subtle, but maybe I don’t need subtle. Maybe I needed him to just come right out and say it.
I’m aware of the fact that I haven’t said anything to him yet, but I just need a moment to shift through my thoughts and feelings.
I like Estaine. There is no doubt about that. If I didn’t like him, I wouldn’t have told him the truth.
Yes, it’s a fact that I had some kind of weird instant attraction thing going on with Brooks. But that was all it was—attraction. I had this major crush on him without ever getting to know him. It wasn’t that way with Estaine. I mean, I found him attractive from the beginning, but it’s different with him. Everything is different with him.
“Did I freak you out?” Estaine asks.
He’s so calm.
If I had just confessed my feelings for somebody and they said nothing, I would be freaking out.
“No,” I answer. “I was just thinking.”
He stays quiet, and I know he’s waiting for me to continue.
“I like you, too,” I say.
“Really?” he asks, sounding genuinely surprised.
“Yeah,” I answer, looking up at him. Even in the dark, I can see how green his eyes are.
“Do you think we should stop pretend dating?” Estaine asks.
“What? Why? I thought you didn’t want to break up...”
“I didn’t mean break up. I mean, maybe we should for real date,” he says. “I mean, I like you. And you like me. Everybody else thinks we’re dating. So, why not just date for real? I mean, if you want to.”
I have never wanted a boyfriend in high school.
But Estaine isn’t like other boys. He’s proven that plenty of times.
“I have a few questions first,” I say. “Before I answer.”
“Okay,” he says.
“If I hang out with other guys, guys who are just friends, will you be jealous?” I ask.
“If they’re just friends, I won’t be jealous,” he says.
“What if I eventually want to be friends with Brooks again?” I ask.
“You will,” Estaine says. “I know you, and eventually you’ll talk to Brooks again. I’m okay with that, as long as he doesn’t kiss you.”
I laugh. “I promise I won’t let him kiss me. If he tries, I’ll try out my MMA moves on him.”