The once smooth skin of my body is no longer there, and I’m left with my body scarred for life. Not all of my body—my chest and abs are relatively free of scars, only a small amount are still visible but my right side—arm, back, buttocks, groin and leg—took the brunt of the injuries.
My brother, Michael, once asked me if I’d do it all again knowing I was going to be left the way I was. I didn’t need to think about it because my answer was yes. A mother and child are alive because of me so how could I ever answer in the negative.
As my breathing starts to even out, I think about the two people who are alive because I climbed into their vehicle at the scene of the accident to get them out. Samantha is now thirteen and won a bronze at the horse show over the weekend, here in Lexington. I don’t have contact with them, but every now and again, I’ll check up on her to make sure she’s doing well, and she appears to be.
With a heavy heart, I shake the past from my mind and start to get clean hoping like hell that Sabrina is all right and that I have the strength to stay away from her. Because I have a feeling that she’s going to be the only woman I ever crave.
Chapter Five
Sabrina
“I’m still not sure about this Ramon,” I say as I grasp my seatbelt, trying to keep myself from jumping from the moving car.
“You can’t hide forever,” he replies with a quick glance at me before turning his attention back on the road.
It’s been five and a half weeks since I last laid eyes on Lucien, and since my friendship with Ramon began. During this time, I’ve even missed the twins’ birthday because of the rawness of my heart. I just couldn’t bring myself to be around the McKenzies. I’m sure Lily saw through my excuse of being sick with the flu.
I glance at Ramon from the corner of my eye but his own are staring straight ahead. He has saved me in more ways than simply giving me a lift. That day when Lucien had shattered my heart, Ramon had come to check on me. I hadn’t heard the door, and I have no idea how he managed to get into my apartment, but he had found me in a heap on the floor of my shower—naked. I didn’t care, didn’t try to cover myself and instead just cried as he lifted me from the floor and took care of me.
It wasn’t until later that I became embarrassed by it all but he’d sheepishly admitted to me that, although he’s been with a few women, he actually prefers guys. It took a few minutes before I realized what he meant then I’d started laughing.
Since then we have spent more time together. I like Ramon and have enjoyed spending time with him even if he is the wrong McKenzie. Before my melt down, we hadn’t really spoken, and now I have his number on speed dial. He did confuse me some with his comment about preferring guys because I’ve caught him on more than one occasion eyeing Sylvia.
Despite my promise to not tell Lucien’s family, Ramon knows all about the arrangement I had with his brother, although I haven’t gone into detail about what we actually did or how it ended. No doubt he put his own spin on my words and probably got a pretty accurate result. I just told him that I needed more than Lucien was willing to offer, which is basically the truth.
I sigh and glance out of the window. I’ve had a lot of time to think about our time together. The fire at the beginning, the way Lucien had started pulling away. Although I was the one who ended it, I realize, now, that he was pushing me away. Ramon knows my thoughts on this but he avoids the subject whenever I try and pin him down. He’d finally admitted that he agreed with me, and that he hadn’t a clue how to bring his brother out of his self-imposed exile.
The only advice he gave me was to keep showing up wherever Lucien is. And that is why I’m sitting in the car, on my way with Ramon as his ‘date’ to his parents’ place for Sunday lunch. I’m trying to stay calm as we get closer to their house, but I’m not sure anything is going to keep me calm. Especially when I’m about to come face to face with the man who has my heart—the man who pushed me away rather painfully—the man that needs to know...
“You have about two minutes to pull yourself together,” Ramon tells me, breaking into my thoughts.
My heart thuds in my chest. I shouldn’t be so nervous, right?
“Sabrina?” I feel Ramon glance in my direction. “You really need to calm down.” He takes my hand into his and gives it a reassuring squeeze. “I know my brother, okay? There isn’t any way that he’ll acknowledge what’s happened between the two of you. God, Lily would kill him if she found out, not to mention what my mom would do to him.”