I’m not a bad guy and, as far as I’m aware I’ve never hurt anyone the way I’ve just done. I don’t have a problem admitting that I love my parents and my family. My brothers and I might piss each other off, but at the end of the day, we’re there for each other. Carla and Rosie have Sebastian and Ruben so tied in knots that I find it hilarious watching the interaction between them. They’re both * whipped. They don’t have a problem admitting that, either.
And then there’s Lily, Michael’s wife, and my best friend. Even I admit it’s a strange relationship that I have with her. I fully understand why people always think there is more going on than what there ever has been or ever will be but I can’t really explain the connection to them without going into other things.
When I’d first met Lily, she’d been the only woman in a long time to not flinch when she shook my hand. She held her own with me and didn’t treat me with kid gloves. I’d immediately felt a connection to her that had nothing to do with sex, although it took a bit for Michael and my brothers to realize this.
Lily just saw me, and, for reasons I can’t decipher, she’s become my best friend. I’d lie if I didn’t admit to hoping for more, which lasted all of thirty seconds. She’s a beautiful woman and has my brother wrapped around her little finger, just like my niece and nephew. Michael has no chance.
Way back when, I thought I’d have all what Michael has now, but everything changed the night of the accident. Once I was on the road to recovery I realized it wasn’t in my future anymore. I mean who’d want to wake up next to me for the rest of their life.
My brothers know I’m alone by choice even though it’s been left unsaid between us for a while now. They seem to have given up trying to get me to start dating again. I’m just not interested. Whether or not my impotence had anything to do with that I couldn’t say. I just wasn’t interested—until Sabrina.
She knows about my injuries and doesn’t seem bothered by them—for now. The amount of times she’s tried to reach for me while we’ve been naked has nearly had me giving in to her. If I’m honest with myself, I crave her touch more than I’ve ever craved anything. In the end, I just couldn’t do it. I wouldn’t be able to take the disgust in her eyes when she touched the scars and realized how deeply they ran. So I’d stopped her. I know that I hurt her every time, but I don’t think I’d have survived if she’d turned away from me in disgust.
I’ve been there before. Watched a woman who was supposed to love me turn away in disgust. It had been hard but I survived Alyssa, my girlfriend at the time, walking away from me because of my damaged body. I don’t think I could survive the same treatment from Sabrina. She’s different than anyone I’ve ever known and that scares the shit out of me. So I made her leave of her own free will.
She’s my weakness or rather was my weakness.
Fuck!
My hands are itching for me to grab my cell to check up on her. I can’t do that. I needed her to leave me and not look back—to let her anger keep me away from her. But fuck she was upset.
Grabbing my phone, I dial Ramon and wait as frustration courses through me, impatience at having to wait for him to answer.
“What?”
“Well you sound how I feel,” I grumble. “I need you to do me a favor without asking questions. Can you do that?”
I’m met with silence before he clears his throat. “As long as it’s not going to put me in jail. I kind of like my freedom right now.”
“Don’t be a dick…fuck…Can you check on Sabrina?” I cringe knowing what’s coming.
“What the fuckin’ hell have you done to Sabrina? She’s one of Lily’s best friends for God’s sake.”
“We had an…argument and she left here upset. I can’t go to check on her and if I ask one of the girls, they’ll be too damn nosy. Look, just go and check on her will you, just don’t mention me?”
“What the hell am I going to say as an excuse for being there? I’ve never shown up unannounced at her place before. Fuck, I’ve never even been to her place before,” Ramon snarls, his agitation clear as day through the phone.
I sigh and run my hand through my already messy hair. “Look, if you have to, then say I was concerned because of the way she left…but only say something if she asks.”
“You owe me big time,” Ramon says a second before the line goes dead. I glance at the phone before my hand moves, almost of its own volition, and sends the cell crashing against the wall on the opposite side of the room. I watch it shatter but I don’t care.
Turning, I head toward the bathroom and fling my clothes off. I’m about to step into the shower when I catch a glimpse of my back and freeze. The weight of what happened to me hitting me in the chest like an arrow.
On legs that feel ready to give out from under me, I finish stepping into the shower and rest with my hands against the wall in an effort to stay upright. My hands clench into fists while I breathe through my nose to ward off the frustration of my body.