"The one that's sweet and genuine and isn't constantly scheming to get into my pants. I don't want that other Giles, the player. You can save that for someone else."
I don't want to hear more about this 'other' Giles. And I wish she'd just forget him. Because the look of suspicion in her eyes has ebbed away and now there's familiarity there. How could so much change between us in just a few days? I don't know, but I'll do anything to keep things this way. To keep myself from messing it all up again.
"So wait, you're saying you really wouldn't feel jealous if you saw me with another girl?"
"I wouldn't care." She swallows almost imperceptibly, and as if she knows I don't quite believe her, she adds, "I wouldn't. Because you and I...we're better as friends. Don't you think?"
I don't think. We haven't tried it any other way. Not for real. But I know I shouldn't say that. I know she feels safer with us as friends.
"Fair enough," I say. "By the way, thanks."
She frowns. "For what?"
"Last night. Just...thanks."
Her mouth opens in question, but then she seems to realize what I mean. I've never been able to talk to anyone about what happened to my dad the way I talked to her last night. And this morning I'm a thousand pounds lighter. I can't explain what it is about her that made it easy for me to open up.
"Anytime," she says.
We both look up at the muffled sounds of people talking out in the house. Ava and Damien must be up.
Julia covers her face with her hands. "Shit. My bedroom door is locked. I don't want Ava to see me coming from your room. She'll think..."
"That we screwed all night?"
"Um. Yeah."
"So?" I say that, but I know Ava would have my head if she saw Julia leaving my room.
"What do you mean, so? I don't want her to see me doing the walk of shame." She's whispering, but I respond at normal volume.
"It's only a walk of shame when you do something you didn't want to do. But if you wanted to do it, and you did it for yourself--to feel good, to enjoy yourself--there's no shame in that. None at all."
"Shush. There was no...feeling good in here, last night. Can you go out there and pretend I'm in my room and let me know when the coast is clear?"
"Sure, but you're being ridiculous."
"Let me be ridiculous then," she snaps in a harsh whisper.
I laugh. "Have it your way, little leopard."
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Giles
"WHERE WERE YOU LAST NIGHT?" Luke asks.
"I went to check on Julia. Last time I'd seen her she was sick. Food poisoning."
"Food poisoning...sure. Was it from all the meat you gave her?" He grins then shifts to avoid being hit by the crumbled up napkin I throw at him. "You were gone Saturday night. Then you skipped out on dinner. Were you with Julia both times?"
I give him a noncommittal shrug but Luke isn't deterred. He sets his elbows down on either side of his fries and leans into the table. "What's going on with that? Don't skimp on the details."
"Nothing's going on. We're just friends." I take another bite of my hotdog.
"You say that now. I give you another week before Ava walks in on her sucking you off." The thought rolls over me too vividly. Maybe Luke notices because he adds, "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it."
I run a hand over the back of my neck. "Yeah, of course I've thought about it."
"So what's stopping you?"
"I already told you, she's not the type to mess around. And anyway, I don't screw where I eat."
"Right," he snorts. "That stupid rule about not bringing girls to your bed."
I busy myself with chewing, not wanting to inadvertently reveal that Julia has already spent a night in my bed. Luke would never believe nothing happened if he heard that.
"Not the type to mess around," Luke repeats under his breath. "That's a shame because she's got a fucking smoking body."
He has no idea how right he is.
"I don't want her to be just another hookup. She's more than that. She's...I don't know, man. I like her. Like, as a person."
Luke laughs. And he doesn't stop laughing, head back, shoulders shaking. I stare at him until he finally settles down, wipes invisible tears from his eyes, and says, "Oh man, this is perfection."
"What's so damn funny?"
"She's more than that. I don't want her to be just another hookup, I like her," he mimics my words in a whiny way that gets under my skin. "Are you listening to yourself?"
"Look man, lay off. I don't expect you to understand me wanting to be friends with her."
"Are you saying she's fair game, then?"
I set my jaw but try to keep my voice even. "If you touch her? You and I are going to have problems."
Luke lets out a low whistle. "Oh yeah, that's a platonic reaction, all right."
I grab my near empty cup of soda and get up from the table without looking at him. My skin still prickles with the thought of him or any other guy trying to have their way with her.
"You're in trouble," Luke calls out as I head to the restaurant's drink machine. "She hasn't given you any and you're already whipped."
He might not be wrong, but he pisses me off all the same. I know how I sound. I know how hard I'd laugh at myself if I were Luke. That doesn't change the fact that I want to be around her and if that means forging a friendship with a girl in a way I never even wanted before, then so be it. Because helping her feel better when she's sick or sad, making her laugh, reeling her into my life, seems so much more gratifying than any girl I could fuck.
Hooking up gives me something to look forward to for a few hours. But being around Julia is something I've been looking forward to every single day. Consistently, effortlessly.
A small voice in the back of my head warns that I might just be confused. That maybe this is all the result of me not getting something I want for the first time in my life. My gut tells me it's more than that. My appetite for women has warped into an appetite for Julia. A different type of craving I'm unaccustomed to. A craving to catch her eye at the right time and share a knowing smile. A craving to share secrets and get to know the little things that make her tick. To hear her laughter.
When I lie in bed for the night, I try and fail for two hours to fall asleep. Sleep eludes me at times, but tonight is different. This is worse than my typical insomnia. And I don't have to wonder for too long what the cause of the imbalance is.
I pull out my phone and shoot a text to Julia.
[Hey, are you home?]
[Yeah. Got in from work a little while ago. What's up?]
[Just wondering what you're doing.]
[Trying to go to sleep.]
[In your bed?]
[Uh, yeah.]
[Damn. This is going to be a long night.]
[Why?]
[I don't know, it's like I got used to feeling you next to me. Having trouble sleeping.]
[Damn it. Me too :/ ]
[Come to my room.]
[How is it you sound like a pervert even when I can't hear your voice?]
[I'm not. I just want to feel you next to me. You smell nice.]
A minute passes and I wonder if I shouldn't have said that. I like messing with her. It makes her struggle not to smile while her blush gives her away, two of my favorite sights lately.