My imagination conjured images of myself clawing off that cotton shirt and tossing it aside as I went down on him. I shook my head and blinked rapidly to rid myself of my thoughts. What was it about being near this guy that made me so needy for him? I’d just been at a stupid award show with my hot ex, yet it was this man I lusted after. Always. It had always been that way. From the moment I met him, I’d known I’d wanted him. And now, standing in front of me with that darkened gaze trained on me—as if he could see the dirty film in my head that he was about to star in—I wanted him again, and again, but unlike the previous time we’d been together, I felt fragile. Like I could sense that I would get hurt. Maybe it was the sensitive state I was in. Maybe it was because when I spent time with him at my dad’s beach house he was so different, so attentive, and I realized that underneath all that pissed-off exterior I knew there was a caring man, one who would comfort me even when I didn’t want to be comforted. One that knew when to hold my hand and just shut up. I sighed.
“Nicole,” he said, closing his eyes briefly and breathing out as if he was doing some kind of yoga meditation. “I am this close,” he said, opening his eyes and demonstrating an inch of space with his long fingers. Long and skilled fingers. I blinked again. He exhaled again, this time pushing himself off the wall and walking toward me until he was inches away from me and I had to tilt my head to look at his face.
“I’m this close to losing my job, my license, and everything I’ve worked so fucking hard for,” he said, his voice rough and low, and way too close to my mouth.
“Because you want me,” I said, rather than asked.
“Because you keep looking at me like you want me,” he said.
I pushed his chest with both hands, and he took a step back.
“You have to be the most self-assured person on planet Earth. You’re the one calling meetings at crazy hours.”
“And you’re the one who’s coming, no questions asked.”
“That’s how I usually like to come. No questions asked,” I said with a smirk. He took in a deep breath, let it out slowly, heavily, loudly.
“Fine. Yes, I want you,” he said.
His admission shocked me into silence. We both looked at each other, stared at each other, and I was sure my heart was bound to leap out of my throat and into his if he didn’t break the silence. He didn’t, so I finally swallowed and spoke.
“Why did you need to see me?” I whispered.
With the way he still looked at me, I was starting to feel really hot, like lava pent-up in a volcano dormant for too long, and I was afraid that at any minute this thing between us would make me completely explode. God knew it had been a while. For me, at least.
“What were you doing at the award show?” he asked. I could tell he was practicing restraint in keeping his voice reserved, and the thought of the way he held his ground and practiced control made me tremble.
“He asked me to go and I agreed,” I said.
“That wasn’t part of the agreement,” he growled.
“I know,” I said, my voice low as I tore my eyes from his and looked at the ground between us. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I thought you would try to talk me out of it.”
“I would have.”
“I know.” My eyes snapped to his. “Why does it bother you so much?”
His eyes narrowed. “Because it does. And I want you out of that fucking house.”
“Really? Out of my house?” My eyebrows rose at his tone. I’d already decided to get out of there, but having him demand it pissed me off. “And where would you suggest I go, Mr. Know-It-All?”
“Anywhere. Anywhere is better than living under the same roof as him. If I wasn’t your attorney, which I swear to Christ I’m close to being just that, I’d haul your ass out of there and make you move into my house temporarily.”
“Oh, temporarily,” I said, narrowing my eyes as I took a slight step forward. “Until you got sick of me and moved on to someone new? Isn’t that your MO?”
“My MO?” he asked. His voice suddenly dropped to a quiet seethe that made my heart drop into my stomach. “I’m not the one who fucks people and then goes off and gets engaged a few weeks later.”
Oh my God. I wanted to strangle him. For a second I thought I could try, but then I would have to hop on a chair so we could be at eye level and that would tip him off. I took a breath and counted to five, then took another deep breath for good measure.
“In case you forgot our conversation the other day, you were the only one I did that with.”
“That doesn’t make me feel any better, Nicole.”
“What does it make you feel?” I asked, tilting my face in challenge. “We had sex. Great sex. You broke it off, and I went and married another guy, one who wanted something more with me. Something more than just fucking me. Fucking sue me.”
“I just might.”
I laughed. “Oh. This is good. On what grounds?”
“Obliterating my fucking ego. Temporary insanity. Sucker punching my . . . my . . .”
“Your heart?” I asked in a whisper, and waited on bated breath for his response.
Damn him for thawing the shell I’d managed to start rebuilding around my heart with three simple, stupid incomplete sentences. His eyes widened slightly, as though he’d never even considered his heart in this, and I almost smiled. I’d never seen him look puzzled. Or unsure. It was endearing.
“Maybe,” he said, frowning.
Sort of endearing.
“I don’t think you realize how much I stand to lose here, Nicole. You keep making these jokes and—” I inched closer, pressing my chest against his. He sucked in a breath. “And doing this.”