“Yeah, at least,” I said, though my mind went to the second and third time she’d come by to visit, and then the last time.
That last time haunted me after I’d found out she’d gotten engaged. Will had told me she’d only known him a few weeks; that he asked her to marry him overnight and she’d agreed; that she was head over heels in love with him, and every single one of those things bothered me. At first I thought it was just weird for anybody, especially her, to agree to marry somebody that quickly. Then, I wondered if it had anything to do with me and the way I’d dismissed her. But she’d seemed so nonchalant about it, smiling and saying she knew it was just a good time and she’d enjoyed it as well. A part of me expected her to come back again, and when she didn’t, and then I’d heard she’d gotten engaged, it dawned on me that it was really our last time together. And all I could do was hope she didn’t visit me, thinking we could be just friends, because I really didn’t know how to argue with her and not have it end in sex. And now that I knew she possibly felt more for me, I wasn’t sure what I felt for her. This version of me felt like he was ready for that. For something more. For something real. And as stupid as it fucking was, I thought maybe I could have it with Nicole. Maybe in another life. A different time. Our timing was complete shit. I sighed and looked over my shoulder, where Mia was waving at us to come back inside.
“I guess the show’s starting,” I said, standing up.
“So you’re representing her?” Jensen asked. “In the divorce.”
I nodded.
“You don’t look too happy about it. Is it a tough case?”
“It’s surprisingly easy, at least it was, but as usual women complicate the shit out of my life. We’ll see.”
Jensen laughed as we walked inside and sat around the television. I took out my phone to check my emails while the show started, but put it away when somebody turned up the volume.
“Oh my God! There he is. Isn’t he hot? Like for real,” Mia said. I looked at the screen and saw Gabriel as he spoke to another actor on the carpet. I didn’t see Nicole anywhere.
“He looks gay,” I commented.
The guys laughed. The girls scowled.
“You’re just saying that because you’re his wife’s divorce lawyer,” Estelle said. “Wait. What’s going to happen now? Does all the work you did go out the window because they’re back together?”
That was the question of the century, wasn’t it? Nicole was on the screen shortly after, looking so fucking beautiful that the only thought in my head was that I wouldn’t mind having her as a psycho ex-girlfriend. The thought surprised me. I tried to push it down.
“I’m saying it because he’s an asshole, and they’re not back together,” I said. I wasn’t sure if I added that bit for them or myself, but it felt like it needed to be voiced. Both Mia and Estelle shared a look before looking at me. “That’s all I’m going to say about it.”
“He doesn’t seem like he’s an asshole,” Mia said. “Nicole is beautiful. Is she that pretty in person?”
I nodded, swallowing, trying not to think about just how beautiful she was. Just how good she felt.
“That’s his mom,” Mia said, pointing at the woman walking beside Nicole.
Gabriel’s mom? Jesus fucking Christ. What a happy family. And that was just about when I decided to send Nicole a text message. If she wasn’t going to answer my calls from the office or Corinne’s calls and voicemails, I was going to start hounding her via text. And I hated anything that could be used in a court of law as evidence, which included text messages, but fuck it. Desperate times and shit, like my sister and Mia liked to say.
If I had to sit here all night watching them on screen, I was going to make sure her discomfort matched mine.
IT WAS BAD enough that I was stuck in this award show, and much worse that I’d given myself strict orders of staying one hundred percent sober throughout. The only good thing about the entire thing was that Gabe would most likely win the award he was nominated for, and it was for a movie filmed during a time when things were still . . . okay between us. Maybe they hadn’t been okay then, but I still had hope. I guess that was the difference. Forgiveness always feels like a possibility in the presence of hope. Hope of which we had none now. Not enough, anyway.