“Of?”
“The purity of kissing, the simplicity of kissing just to kiss, because it feels good because sometimes sex is just fucking and emotionless, but when you kiss, damn when you kiss you feel everything don’t you? You feel it everywhere, it consumes you more than any sexual act you’ll ever do. People don’t really remember their first sexual experience, but their first kiss? You’ll remember it until your dying day. Just giving you something happy so you can replace the ugly. Sometimes kissing is the only way to give innocence back that’s been taken.” I stopped walking. “Now, El. Now you can thank me.”
She sighed and then whispered, “Thank you.”
It was unexpected.
The feeling in my chest that told me the kiss wasn’t just for her.
But for me too.
My kiss had been selfless and after two seconds in her arms, it had quickly turned selfish.
Because I wanted more.
And a part of me was disgusted with every thought that was directed at the very girl I was supposed to stay away from — to protect.
She would never be mine.
But for a few minutes.
When our lips fused together.
I was hers.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
El
SERGIO AND PHOENIX didn’t join us for dinner, they bypassed all the wine and food — very unusual for any Italian, and went in search of Dante.
And for the second night in a row, Chase didn’t move from his spot, nor did his eyes leave Mil’s, it seemed like she was trying after the previous night, not that it mattered, things were breaking — broken.
I was too afraid to ask him if he was okay in front of her. It felt like something was breaking, shifting, and home suddenly wasn’t as safe as it once was.
Not with the way Frank watched Mil.
Or the way Chase watched Frank.
Nixon didn’t catch on, but he had a six-month-old in his arms.
Trace however kept looking back at everyone.
Mil finally stood and eyed Chase. “Want to go watch a movie?”
“Code word for sex?” Chase tried teasing.
A small smile hit her lips. “Probably.”
They were faking it.
Everyone knew it but them.
He followed her out.
I sagged in relief.
Until Nixon spoke. “I’ll deal with it.”
Eyes wide I waited for Frank to say something. Instead, he just leaned back in his chair and grabbed the newspaper. “Enjoy your daughter while she’s young. He sighed. “Dante’s already on it.”
Nixon froze. “The hell he is—”
“Let him.” Trace touched Nixon’s face. “Please, just… let someone else draw blood for once, okay?”
His body was rigid, his mannerisms jerky as he touched his forehead to Trace’s and nodded. “All right.”
I stood and started clearing plates when Nixon’s hand shot out and grabbed my arm, pulling me back down into my seat.
I dropped the plates and waited for whatever he was going to say. It was always hard looking directly at him, he was ruthless, dangerous, he was just like Dante only I knew the blood he had on his hands. Nixon Abandonato was a nightmare in the flesh.
“How are things with Chris?” He asked casually digging into his food.
I sagged in relief. “Um, good, they’re good.”
“You think you’ll feel safe with him?”
I hesitated.
I don’t know why.
“Safe.” I repeated the ugly word. “Is just a fantasy parents tell their children, a bed time story to help them sleep better at night. Is any one of us, ever safe?”
“No.” Nixon smiled at me, stunning me into silence with his beauty. “I wondered how long it would take for you to figure that out.”
“What?”
“Just think about it.” He nodded. “You can go now, but leave the dishes for Chase, it’s his turn.”
I couldn’t get out of the dining room fast enough.
My normal routine was homework and TV in my room.
Shutting myself away from the world.
Away from Dante.
And now, now that I’d left the bathroom door open, now that I’d been in his world a part of it.
It felt wrong to lock myself in my room like a prison.
Maybe that was what I’d been doing all along.
They’d brought me to a home.
And I’d turned it into a jail cell because I was afraid.
I was still afraid.
But not of the same things I used to be afraid of.
I used to be afraid of the way men looked at me.
Now?
Now I was afraid of the day when a certain man would watch me with those crystal blue eyes — as I walked down the aisle into the arms of another.
My legs carried me down to the training rooms where Dante normally kicked ass or had his ass handed to him.
The sound of fighting filed the room.
The smell of sweat.
Blood.
A few weeks ago, I would have run out screaming.
And now, now I was curious.
What had Dante done to me?
I took a step inside and watched.
Dante had no shirt on.
Neither did Phoenix or Sergio.
It should be illegal to see that much naked muscle in such a small space.
I shivered as Dante lunged for Phoenix.
“Stop.” He held up his hands. “Remember your goal is to get away not attack, it’s completely opposite of what you know, but that’s what Krav Maga is. Now, lean in with your right hand, you can’t just poke eyes out with that much force, you’ll just impale eye balls onto your fingers like skewers or end up punching rather than poking.”
“Love it when he says poke,” Dante said under his breath much to the amusement of Sergio who watched on the sidelines.
I laughed with him.
All eyes turned to me.
I held up my hands. “Sorry, I was just… watching.”
“I bet you were.” Dante grinned.
I rolled my eyes.
Sergio nodded to me. “Come on in, watch Dante get his ass kicked, it’s great entertainment.”
Dante flipped him off.
I walked to Sergio’s side as Phoenix approached Dante again, he was leaner than Dante, but not lacking any muscle whatsoever.
Dante evaded one of Phoenix’s punches, reached in with his right hand and stopped right before his pointer finger hit Phoenix’s eyelash.
“Nice,” Sergio said approvingly. “Again.”
They did the same movement about a dozen more times before Dante joined me and it was Sergio’s turn.
“You were good at that,” I said lamely.
Dante threw his head back and laughed. “It’s more brain than muscle, it’s difficult to tell my body to speed up with quicker movements when I just want to pull my gun or knock someone out.”
I frowned. “So why learn it?”
“Because it makes you lethal,” he said seriously. “And because Phoenix is the best at it, he taught Trace how to fight, you know that?”
I felt my face light up. “Really?”
“Yeah.” Dante eyed my mouth and then looked away. “So she wouldn’t be afraid.”
“I never said I couldn’t fight.”
“Ah but can you fight well?”
I shrugged. “That a challenge, Nicolasi?”
“You gonna let her talk shit to you, Dante?
“Maybe I like getting talked to like that.” He sucked in his bottom lip and followed up with one of the sexiest grins I’d ever seen in my entire life.
Phoenix hit him on the shoulder. “Yeah, I think that means we break, don’t forget what we talked about, Dante.”