BELLA HAD BEEN lying on her bed staring up at the ceiling for hours, vacillating between thinking that Caden was doing the admirable and right thing and thinking about how the right thing felt horrible. Then guilt swallowed her whole for the latter thought. She’d pretended to be asleep when Jenna and Amy came over and peered into the bedroom. She’d ignored Jamie when he called through the bedroom window, and she’d ignored Pepper’s barking when she heard Leanna returning to her cottage and calling across the road to Amy, explaining that she’d forgotten something.
She tried to doze off. A laughable thought. She had a meeting with the school board in a few hours, and she wanted to be rested, but she couldn’t have slept if her life depended on it. She didn’t want to think or feel. She wanted to pretend today never happened.
Darn it.
She didn’t want to be this person, either. A woman who pined over a man who was only doing what was right for his child. A woman who pined over a man at all. She’d had a plan this summer. Her decisions were supposed to be made based on what she wanted, separate from any man or relationship.
What on earth?
Why did I cave?
When did that happen, exactly?
She caught sight of the bookmark Caden had given her and she groaned aloud. How was she supposed to just push aside her feelings for Caden—and Evan?
Forget this.
She tore off her clothes and wrapped herself in a towel, stomped to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of Middle Sister wine, slipped her feet into a pair of flip-flops, and left her cottage.
A break! A stupid break.
It was well after midnight and the lights in all the cottages were off. She went to Jenna’s bedroom window, put her mouth up to the screen and shielded it with her hands.
“Jenna,” she whispered loudly. “Jenna, get your butt up.”
She heard Jenna grumble in her sleep. “Jenna Ward, I need you.”
“Bella?”
Bella heard feet shuffling across the hardwood floor. Jenna’s face pressed against the screen.
“Are you okay?” Jenna asked in a sleepy voice.
“No. Chunky-dunking. Now.” She left no room for negotiation. “Hurry.”
Jenna’s face disappeared into the darkness. “We came by earlier,” Jenna said as she shuffled around the room. “You were zonked.”
“I was wallowing,” Bella said through the screen.
Jenna’s front door creaked open. She tiptoed across the grass in her towel and matching flip-flops. Her hair was pulled up on top of her head and secured with a plastic clip.
“Are you still upset over Vera and Evan?” Jenna looped her arms into Bella’s and wiggled her toes. “Like my nail polish? Amy’s are red. Mine are blue. We’ll paint yours tomorrow. You got stuck with white.”
“Nope. I’m not getting stuck with anything I don’t want.”
They walked across the quad and between Tony’s and Leanna’s cottages, then crossed the gravel road to Amy’s cottage.
“It’s just nail polish. What were you wallowing over?” Jenna asked as they went around Amy’s cottage to her bedroom window. “Jamie said Evan apologized and explained everything to them. Apparently, he shed a few tears, too. Poor kid. Being a teenager is so hard.”
“Ames,” Bella called through the screen. “Amy! Get your skinny butt up.”
“What?” Amy pressed her nose to the screen and shielded her eyes, peering down at them. “Chunky-dunking? Oh goody! Hold on!”
They made their way down the gravel road, taking swigs of wine and passing the bottle from one to the next.
“Bella wasn’t sleeping when we went over; she was wallowing,” Jenna explained as she fumbled with the lock on the pool gate. The heavy chain clanked against the metal pole.
“Shh. Do you want to wake Theresa?” Bella grabbed the chain and held it still while Jenna inserted the key into the lock. “I’m wallowing because Caden said he needed a freaking break.”
Amy and Jenna gasped in unison.
“Tell me about it.” Bella closed the gate behind them. “We’ll talk after we’re in the water. I need to clear my head.” She and Amy walked to the far end of the pool by the stairs while Jenna dropped her towel on a table by the gate and hurried from one end of the pool to the other, nude, with her mammoth, bright white breasts swaying from side to side.
“Jenna!” Bella whispered. “Sheesh, woman.”
“Why does she always leave her towel up there?” Amy asked.
“Who knows. It’s probably an OCD thing.” Bella watched Jenna tiptoe onto the first step and lift her feet in quick succession, sucking in air between her teeth.
“Chilly. Chilly. Chilly chipples.” Jenna laughed.
Bella set the bottle of wine on the table and draped her towel over a chair, then walked down the steps, passing Jenna, and went shoulder deep into the cool water. “Boy did I need this. Just get under, Jen. I swear your boobs are like headlights. Get in before you wake Theresa and we all get in trouble.”
“Okay, okay.” Jenna spoke in a harsh whisper, as was their practice when they chunky-dunked. She went down one more step; then she went back up to the top step again with her fingers daintily spread out to her sides. “Cold. Cold. Cold.”
Amy put her towel on the chair and crossed her arms over her small breasts. “Come on, Jenna. We’ll go in together.” She took Jenna’s hand and they both sucked in air as they descended the steps and finally sank up to their chins in the water.
“Brr.” Amy crossed her arms over her chest. “I don’t remember it being this cold.”
“It always is,” Jenna said.
“It’s not that cold, wussy girls.” Bella dove under the water and swam like a dolphin to the far end of the pool. Jenna and Amy sidestroked across the pool.
“Bella, spill the beans. What the heck happened? I thought you and Caden were fine. More than fine.” Amy held on to the side of the pool and reached for Jenna’s hand, then pulled her over. They were in the deep end, and in the dark, the water beneath them looked pitch-black.
Bella kicked her feet to stay afloat and to stay warm. Her body was so cold her limbs were shaking, though she’d never admit it after giving them a hard time.
“He said he needed to focus on Evan. That if he had been, this mess wouldn’t have happened.” Bella swallowed past the lump that lodged in her throat. “And I told him that I didn’t want a break, that I’d be there for him and Evan no matter what.”
“Of course you would.” Amy’s teeth chattered.
“Does he blame you somehow?” Jenna asked.
“No.” Bella huffed a breath. “I guess Mr. Commitment doesn’t keep commitments to women.” She dove under the water to keep from crying and swam the length of the pool to the shallow end.
Jenna and Amy moved along the edge of the pool, hanging on to the concrete edge all the way to the four-feet-deep area, where Jenna could stand.
“That doesn’t make any sense. He’s all about commitment,” Jenna said.