The sun was beginning to set when they pulled into Seaside. Evan’s eyes jumped over each cottage on the way around the gravel drive.
“No one’s outside,” he said.
“It’s been a tough day.” Caden looked at Bella’s cottage and caught sight of a shadow through the window. His chest ached with the memory of being with her last night.
He parked by Vera’s cottage and told Evan to wait in the car so he could ask Jamie if it was okay for Evan to come in. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy for any of them, but Jamie had looked like Caden had felt earlier in the day when they were at the urgent care center—ready to tear someone’s head off. He couldn’t protect Evan from what he went through with those kids, but he could, and would, protect him from whatever else he was able to. Jamie had a right to be angry, but Caden hoped he’d be able to control his anger where Evan was concerned, at least until he heard him out.
Jamie answered the door with surprise in his eyes. “Caden.”
“Hi, Jamie. How’s Vera?”
“She’s okay. Would you like to see her?” He stepped to the side, and Caden saw Vera sitting on the couch, reading.
“Actually, Evan’s in the car, and he’d like to talk to both of you.”
Jamie furrowed his brow.
“Jamie, I tried to dissuade him, but he really wants to make amends. We’re just coming back from the police station. He didn’t have anything to do with any of this, and he feels horrible.”
“Jamie Joseph, you let that boy come in and say his piece,” Vera said from behind Jamie. “Hello, Caden. How are you, dear?” Vera peered around her grandson.
“We’ve seen better days. I’m truly sorry, Vera.”
“Yes, dear. You told me that at least a dozen times today, and I do appreciate it. You know I think I scared those boys as much as they scared me. They left as quickly as they came when they realized I was here. I think they expected the place to be empty. Please bring Evan inside. I’d like to speak to him.”
“Thank you, Vera.” Out of respect, Caden also deferred to Jamie. “Jamie?”
“Of course. Bring him in.” Jamie sat down on the couch.
Caden went to the car and leaned over Evan’s open window.
“They’ll see you, but, Evan, don’t expect this to be easy. No matter what they say to you, I expect you to remain respectful. Got it?”
“Yes. I know.” Evan stepped from the car. “I know this is my fault, Dad. I can handle it. I owe them an apology.” Evan followed him inside the cottage. He brushed his hair out of his eyes and stood before Vera, who had settled back onto the couch again.
Caden’s chest constricted as he watched the boy he’d raised stand up and act like a man.
“Sit down, Evan. Please,” Vera said.
Evan sat in a rocking chair beside the couch. He drew in a deep breath before turning his attention to Caden.
“Dad, can you please give us a minute?”
Caden was taken by surprise. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. Please?”
The confidence in Evan’s voice was another surprise. He had no idea what his son might say, but he left him to make amends and hoped for the best. He’d handled himself well with the chief, and Caden had a feeling he’d do just fine with Vera and Jamie, too. He walked out of the cottage and over to the grassy area behind Bella’s cottage. He couldn’t stay away. He heard dishes clanking inside, and as he neared her deck, Bella glanced out the window and their eyes met. Caden’s chest constricted as she came outside.
“Hi. How’s Evan?” She hooked her finger in the waist of his shorts.
“He’s okay. He’s with Jamie and Vera.” Man, he loved her. He loved her generous heart, her thoughtfulness, the way she claimed him with one small finger in his waistband. She went up on her toes, and he met her halfway for a tender kiss. He took her hand in his and brought it to his lips. “Bella…” He heard the devastation in his own voice.
Her smile faded. “Caden? What is it?”
Don’t do it. Don’t say a word.
“Caden. You’re worrying me.” She searched his eyes.
“Bella, I think I need to take some time and focus on Evan.” Stop. Just stop before you screw this up. He hadn’t realized he had come to this resolution so definitively until the words left his lips.
“Of course. I assumed that’s why you hadn’t called.” She sighed. “You scared me. You looked so…” She searched his eyes. “Caden?”
“Babe.” He reached for her hand, and she pulled it away. “Look at what’s happened, Bella. Vera could have been hurt. Evan could have gotten into real trouble. If I were more focused on him, this might never have happened.”
“Wh-what are you saying?” Her lower lip trembled.
“Bella, you know what I’m saying. I need to focus on Evan and make sure he gets straightened out.” The pain in her eyes sliced through every fiber of his being.
“I don’t understand.” She lowered her voice, and a tear slid down her cheek.
He wiped the tear with the pad of his thumb and gritted his teeth against the sadness that snaked around his heart and squeezed so tight he could barely breathe. “I’m sorry, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry, but I’m obviously not very good at being a father and a boyfriend. I’ve failed Evan. I think we need to take a break.”
“I don’t need a break, Caden. You need a break. I want to be there for you and for Evan.” She crossed her arms and turned away. “I thought you were all about commitment.”
“I am. I always said that Evan was my top priority. I never hid that from you.” He touched her shoulder, and she pulled gently from his reach. “I’m sorry, Bella, but I think Evan needs me around right now.”
She turned to face him again with damp eyes. “So this is what you do? The going gets tough and you…end things?” Her shoulders rounded forward.
“That’s not a fair statement. The going gets tough and I…Come on, Bella, I think I’m doing the right thing for Evan. We’re adults; he’s a kid. He needs guidance and attention. I didn’t say I wanted to end things. I said take a break.” He didn’t even know what he meant. He wanted to be with her every second of every day. But he needed to be there for Evan and make sure he got back on the right path without feeling cast aside, and how on earth could he do that if his heart was drawing him out the door?
“I want you, Bella. I just—” He’d kept his eyes off of Evan for too long, and look what almost happened. He needed to remain strong. For Evan.
“Please don’t say any more.” She turned away again, and when she spoke, it was with the same compassionate tone that had reeled him in when he’d first gotten to know her.
“I understand, Caden. I really do. But please, just go. It’s too hard.”
He stood behind her, desperately wanting to wrap his arms around her and press his cheek to hers. He wanted to tell her everything would be okay, but how could he, when he first needed to make sure his son was okay?
He lifted his hands to touch her shoulders—to comfort himself as much as to comfort her—then he lowered them to his sides without ever touching her, feeling impotent and sad.
So, damn sad.
Chapter Twenty-Two