His head moved back and forth in little tiny shakes.
“Tell me why. What is it about me you can’t live without? What is it about me that makes your heart beat faster? What is it about me that makes you feel like you can’t hold back until you have me, can’t go on unless you keep me?”
“Come on, Melly. You know why.”
I shook my head. “You want the idea of me. You want the Melanie who was willing to give-give-give while you took-took-took. You want things to go back to the way they were. And guess what? They will never go back to the way they were. I don’t want to go back. I want to stay right where I am.” The second the words left my lips, relief overwhelmed me.
Maybe I didn’t know everything that I wanted, but I knew I liked where I was heading. And even though I was working a job that I didn’t necessarily feel was my purpose and I was currently waking up every morning to my father blaring Black Sabbath, I knew I’d made the right decision.
“So, that’s it?” he asked, and I immediately nodded.
“That’s it.”
“You’ll regret this, you know,” he said, and the fact that it didn’t bother me one bit said more than words.
I kissed his cheek and whispered what I figured were the last words I’d ever say to him.
“Goodbye, Eli.” Closure. That’s what that goodbye meant to me. I’d finally closed the door on that relationship for good.
And as I turned away from my ex and headed through the reception door, I had only one person on my mind. Will.
Back in my office, I tried to calm myself down.
Being summoned to exam room six had been the reason for my escape, and at first, I’d headed there.
But my brain was like an unsolved crossword puzzle at the moment, and I didn’t think making up words based on the number of spaces in the answer was a solid strategy for practicing medicine.
Obviously, I couldn’t fucking go see a patient like this, so I hoped like Christ Marlene dug deep and found some people skills while she was waiting.
I wasn’t prone to emotional outbursts of any kind, and I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been this close to hysteria. Normally, I was level-headed and rational, and I didn’t do Wild West showdown type scenes in the middle of my goddamn workday.
But last night with Melody had been more than a date. It’d been more than a couple of hours of monotonous conversation and flirty looks, and the sex had been more than two bodies rubbing against each other until somebody came.
It had been, quite literally, the best date of my life and then some, and the fact that some fucking guy was here, today of all days, acting like Melody was his made me want to tear this fucking place apart.
Smash things, slam priceless medical equipment into the wall, grind every last splinter of my mahogany desk to dust.
But Georgia had had Julia make me artwork for my desk, and fuck if I was willing to risk destroying it. So instead, I channeled my anger at the one thing I didn’t mind beating up a little—myself.
Grabbing the stupid fucking project I’d worked on instead of getting any real sleep last night, I slammed it into the garbage in the corner so violently it made a resounding clang as wood met metal.
It felt good to get out some of the surface rage, so I walked over to the wastebasket, pulled out the bouquet, and slammed it down again.
The reverberations of the second clang hadn’t even quieted when Melody opened my door, stepped through without asking, and closed and locked it behind her.
“Will,” she whispered softly, cutting through my anger and using a torch of memories to melt it all into hurt.
When she didn’t say anything else, and the back of my throat started to tingle with unshed tears, all I could do was raise my eyebrows. What the hell did she want from me? I wasn’t the one with the information.
God, my brain breathed in panic. Maybe there is no explanation. Last night, the weeks leading up to it, maybe all of it was a made-up fantasy. She hadn’t wanted to stay over. Maybe Melody was just like all the other crazy women out there—out for a night of scandalous fun with Dr. Obscene. Jesus, that’s a depressing thought.
“I’m so sorry for the scene out there,” she finally apologized. “I can’t believe he came here and did that in front of all of those people…”
My insides froze, waiting for the rest, unsure whether to prepare for elation or heartbreak.
“And?” I found my voice.
“And…I know it’s unprofessional.”
“Unprofessional?” My head started to pound in time with my heart, and neither of the two took it at an easy pace. The vacuum was strong, sucking me toward despair at a rapid speed and threatening to keep me there.
“Yes. I wouldn’t want you to see me that way.”
“That’s it?” I questioned disbelievingly.
“I…” She chewed her lip nervously and wrung her hands together. “Yeah, that’s it.”
Every single part of me revolted. My skin tried to shred, my bones turned to dust, and my heart raced to a strain before exploding.
The memory of the sensation of her so fresh in my mind I could feel it physically, I locked it down and poured virtual salt into my wounds.
The woman you’re mourning doesn’t exist.
“Wow.” I shook my head, my voice so thick with disgust it tasted like molasses. “Don’t worry, Mel. The way I’m viewing you now is nothing but professional.”
Crowding her, I moved to the door and grabbed the handle, hoping she’d get the hint and move out of the way. When she didn’t, I vocalized the implication. “Marlene needs me in exam room six.”
She didn’t move, so I forced it.
“Will, wait,” she cried as I pulled the door open a sliver, slamming it closed with her weight and her back.
“Mel—”
“No, Will. Wait. Please?”
I took a deep breath and backed up a step to look her in the eye. If everything I’d felt for her was really going to die, I was going to have to let her hold the hammer for the final nails.
“I’m not handling this well, I know. But I wasn’t expecting this.” She paused and sighed. “And I wasn’t expecting last night either.”
A spike of anxiety mingled with hope made a sharp pain contract in my chest. The shock of the defibrillator on my heart.
“And, what? You just thought you’d have one night with me and then go back to your boyfriend?”
Her eyes widened in horror. “No! God, no. He’s my ex-boyfriend.” Her voice dropped to a mutter as she spoke to herself. “Christ, Mel. Way to bury the very fucking important lead.”
Ex-boyfriend. Christ. Well, that was at least a little better. Still, I needed more of an explanation so I pushed on. “You thought last night was what, exactly? Help me get on the same page here, Mel.”
“I don’t know!” she huffed, frustrated. “At first I thought it was about your reputation, and then when the sex happened, I thought it was more about having fun.”
“Having fun?”
“Well, yeah.”