She caught sight of Nathan Bell at the bar and was surprised. She hadn’t seen him at one of these events before. She’d never wondered why, but if she had she would have said he was too introverted to attend. Socially shy. She didn’t know anything about his private life except that his mother had recently ‘been taken in again’. She didn’t know where she had been taken, as Nathan hadn’t expanded on his explanation, so she could only assume he meant a hospital. It was by chance that she heard him talking on the telephone, saying to the caller, ‘Give her my best, and tell her I’ll visit on Tuesday.’ When he saw Alex he simply said, ‘It’s my mother, she’s been taken in again.’
Making her way towards him, she gave Patrick a brief glance. He was on the dance floor with Fiona and several other nurses from the department, wearing a gold tinsel garland round his neck and having a whale of a time, judging by his uninhibited dance moves. Caroline looked awkward as she danced more conservatively with a few of the healthcare assistants and orderlies. She’d given Alex a little wave from across the room, but they hadn’t spoken. Edward Downing, the radiologist, was gathered in a corner with a fair number of staff from the radiology department, looking separate from the rest of the partygoers, and she wondered if he was having a goodbye party all of his own. Tom Collins and Maggie Fielding, both elegant and tall, were chatting together. She caught their eyes and nodded briefly. She turned her back and spoke to Nathan.
‘Hello, Nathan. Don’t see you at these dos often.’
He gave a self-conscious shrug. ‘Thought I should get out a bit more. Actually, it was Fiona; she said a few of the department were going. So .?.?. here I am.’
With only the right side of his face showing, Alex noticed he had a beautifully shaped face, with strong flat cheekbones and a long jaw. His lips were pale and not too full.
‘How are you?’ he asked unexpectedly.
‘Fine,’ she answered gaily. ‘Spiffing.’
‘Really? I would have thought things were still difficult for you.’
‘Why would you suppose that?’
‘The um .?.?. attack a month ago and, um, the situation at work. I’m sorry .?.?. it’s not my idea to shadow you. Dr Cowan suggests we work the same shifts for a few weeks. I hope you don’t mind?’
Despite the constant presence of Nathan, things at work had been going well the last few days. If anything, two doctors attending one patient at the same time had shortened the waiting time for the other patients. Caroline had used this as the reason for Alex being shadowed. She explained to other staff members that it was a time-and-motion study, and they seemed to accept it, which Alex knew she should be grateful for. If there were gossipy whispers, she wasn’t hearing them.
She realised how very lucky she had been over the George Bartlett situation. Any other employer would have demanded a full enquiry over the drug error, but Caroline was giving her a reprieve. She reached over for Nathan’s glass and drank a third of his beer. ‘Sorry,’ she said, not meaning it. She should be grateful to Caroline that she was not pressing for a formal disciplinary process. She should, of course, be grateful that her whole life had been fucked up.
He shrugged, dismissing the matter as minor, and signalled to one of the bar staff. ‘Let me buy you one.’
Minutes later, with fresh drinks on the bar and his change back in his pocket, Alex answered him as if there had been no break in the conversation.
‘Haven’t you heard? I’m a fantasist.’
‘Really?’
She gulped her drink. ‘Well, it at least lets me call the shots. Brain damaged or nutter doesn’t quite cut it. Fantasist. Well, it sounds rather exotic. Alex, the great fantasist.’
She was getting drunk and didn’t care if she sounded reckless.
‘Would you like to talk about it?’
‘No, thank you. I’d rather we had another drink and talked about you for a change, Mr Bell. I want to know why some nice lady isn’t with you tonight.’
‘I could ask the same about you.’
‘Oh, I’m with someone. The good-looking dark-haired man over in that far corner, who thinks I’m a drunk and unable to separate truth from fiction.’
Nathan Bell looked embarrassed. ‘I’m sure he doesn’t think that.’
‘Stop trying to make me feel better, Nathan. It’s over. He doesn’t fucking believe me! So it’s over.’
He winced, and as much as she would like to blame the effects of alcohol for her uncouthness, she couldn’t. She had wanted to shock the poor man, but in doing so she had shocked herself. She never spoke this way. Never stepped beyond the boundaries of decent behaviour. She had disgraced herself, and, now embarrassed, she tried to quickly sober up.
‘I’m sorry. I’ve got to go.’
‘Go? Oh no you don’t,’ shrieked Fiona from behind. ‘We haven’t even had a dance. What’s the bloody rush? You’ve got the lovely Dr Bell here and I’m sure he’d like to have a dance. Wouldn’t you, Dr Bell?’
Nathan held up his hands, palms forward defensively, ‘No, but thank you anyway. I’m absolutely fine standing here. I was, in fact, thinking I’d make a move myself shortly.’
Fiona stepped back, planting both feet apart. She screwed up her face, squinting at Nathan curiously, and then in near-perfect mimicry, she repeated back his words: ‘I’m absolutely fine standing here. I was, in fact, thinking I’d make a move myself shortly.’
Nathan looked startled and smiled gamely, slowly clapping his hands. ‘Wow! That’s some party trick.’
Fiona gave a come-hither smile, her body becoming fluid as she slinked to the bar, squeezing in between Nathan and Alex, but with her attention solely on Alex. ‘Darling, surely you have something better to wear than that?’
The bar lady, having heard Fiona speak, gawped; her voice was full of admiration. ‘You’re amazing! Can you do any one famous?’
Other people at the bar had stopped talking to listen, and Fiona smiled at her waiting audience. Her eyes trapped Alex. She winked and glanced over Alex’s shoulder to where Patrick had suddenly appeared. Alex’s voice came out of her mouth, ‘Stop trying to make me feel better, Nathan. It’s over. He doesn’t fucking believe me. So it’s over.’
Alex felt as if she’d been slapped. She was shocked by how much Fiona sounded like her, and shocked that her closest friend had been cruel.
‘I’ve got to go,’ she mumbled.
As she stumbled through the car park, her face scorched with embarrassment, she was unaware that Nathan was following her.
She came to a halt as she saw her green Mini. Parked earlier with safety in mind, near to the building and lit by the outside lights, the message painted on the windscreen was easy to see.
In yellow spray paint across the entire width of the glass she saw the words: Alex likes to say yes.
*