His first words stunned her. ‘Caroline had a right to know.’
‘To know! You nearly destroyed my career. I’m lucky I’m not suspended!’
‘You’re lucky that a patient didn’t die on you,’ he said bluntly.
‘It wasn’t my fault, Patrick. I didn’t cause that drug error.’
‘And unfortunately, Alex, you can’t prove it. No one’s going to take your word if they think you’ve been drinking.’ His voice was bleak and the anger drained from Alex. She had no more fight in her.
‘Are you OK?’ he now asked.
She sat silent, unable to reply.
‘I love you,’ he offered.
‘But do you still believe me?’ she whispered. She heard his sigh and snapped, ‘Just tell me!’
‘The more I think about it, the more I’m inclined to believe that this was a hallucination, the knock on your head playing havoc with your mind. The police have found no trace of this man, Alex.’
She had nothing to say.
‘Are you there, darling? Talk to me. You’re not yourself at the moment.’
‘Do you remember what I told you about when I woke up on that operating table,’ she asked.
‘Yes, but—’
‘I told you I was blinded by theatre lights.’
‘For God’s sake, Alex.’ His tone was sharp. ‘That could have been from me and the security guard. We had torches in our hands. We were shining them into your face.’
‘So you no longer believe me,’ she stated.
‘I didn’t say that,’ he said softly back.
She pressed the end button and he didn’t hear her reply.
‘Yes, you did,’ she whispered bitterly.
*
Going to the doctors’ party was Fiona’s idea.
A bad one, as far as Alex was concerned, but she would go, if only to give Fiona a good night out. She had learned long ago that Fiona had very little else going on in her life outside work and aside from their friendship, and Alex was aware she had paid little attention to her friend these last weeks.
On the last Thursday of every month the doctors’ party was held in a different venue, either in the city or on site. Tonight it was being held in the grounds of the hospital, in the social club. The building was sited near the doctors’ quarters and meant only a short walk before they reached their beds to sleep off the large quantities of alcohol they usually consumed. When Alex moved back to Bath she had lived in the doctors’ quarters until circumstances drove her to search for somewhere more secure to live. She drove to the party with every intention of not drinking.
Fiona clearly intended to fully enjoy herself. Her hair was loose and in its usual form: frizzy and framing her face. She wore slim-fit black jeans and a green silky blouse, to which she’d pinned a novelty flashing Santa Claus broach. Alex stood outside with her as she smoked, her Nicorette patch peeled off her shoulder and stuck to the outside of her cigarette packet. Alex shook her head, bemused, when Fiona returned the sticky patch to her shoulder after stubbing out the cigarette.
‘You’ll increase your nicotine levels if you keep doing that,’ she admonished.
‘Oh shut up, Dr Know-it-all,’ Fiona laughed. ‘You only live once, and I’ve had a bloody hard day. We’re young and one of us is free and single, so let’s get this party started. You,’ she said, her expression mock serious and her speech beginning to slur, ‘need to lighten up. You, more than most, need to start having some fun. You’re gorgeous, you cow, and can have your pick. You .?.?.’ She saw the stricken look Alex gave her. ‘Oh bugger, you know I didn’t mean .?.?. Oh look, let’s fucking forget about men full stop and just get in there and have a blast. Above all, let’s get pissed.’
Alex shrugged resignedly, a half smile on her face. ‘Give me a minute and I’ll be in. Damned hot in there.’
‘Well what d’you expect, wearing a frigging woolly jumper to a party? Can’t you take it off?’
Alex shook her head. ‘Only a bra. I’ll have cooled off in a minute, and then I’ll be ready to party.’
The door behind them banged open and Patrick, face flushed and eyes glazed, joined them. ‘Hey, you two, the party’s in here.’
Alex let out a weary sigh. ‘I’m just cooling down, Patrick. I’m overdressed, as you can see.’
His eyes appraised her. ‘Darling, surely you have something better to wear than that? You left that little satin jacket in my car. Do you want me to fetch it?’
‘Good idea, Pat,’ Fiona said, and Alex noted the disapproving look he gave her friend at the shortening of his name. Fiona was aware that Patrick had upset her, without knowing why.
‘It’s Patrick, Fiona. You know I like to be called Patrick.’
Fiona gave a saccharine smile. ‘I do indeed. Which is why I call you Pat.’
‘And you can be so nice when you want to be,’ he quipped back.
Alex sighed again and Patrick gazed at her. ‘Why all the sighs? Is it me? You clearly aren’t happy for me to be here, even though you invited me. I saw you arrive an hour ago and yet you didn’t seek me out. I clearly can’t get anything right at the moment.’
Alex felt a tightness in her chest. She felt trapped and wanted to scream out loud at the top of her voice for everyone to just leave her the hell alone. Instead she gave an honest answer. ‘Well, Patrick, at the moment I think it’s me who can’t get anything right. I can’t fabricate or invent a story to suit your version of events. Unless you have concrete proof that I’m not a nutter or a liar there really is nothing more for us to talk about. It’s as simple as that, or wouldn’t you agree?’
His eyes had taken on a cool glint. ‘You’re being hysterical, darling, and I really don’t think this is the time or the place.’
Alex shook her head in disgust. ‘It never is, Patrick. And that’s the problem.’
‘Perhaps if you drank less, you’d see there needn’t be a problem.’
Her eyes rested on Fiona. ‘I’ll see you at the bar. I need another five minutes to cool down.’
And with that she turned and walked away.
*
Alex drained her third vodka, wishing she’d worn something lighter, as sweat gathered in the small of her back. Lately she had taken to wearing clothing that hid her shape. She didn’t bother to do her hair and used make-up only to disguise her pallor and dark circled eyes. She didn’t want to look feminine or sexy any more. She wanted to be invisible.