Don't Wake Up

Alex stepped aside to make room. ‘Everything’s fine. I, um, I don’t suppose you’ve just drawn up any adrenaline, have you?’

Maggie shook her head. ‘No. but I do need some pain relief for my patient.’ She stopped searching the contents of the cupboard as the two beside her stayed silent. Her glance took in their stillness. ‘Are you sure everything’s OK? Who am I supposed to have drawn up adrenaline for?’

‘No one,’ Fiona quickly answered.

‘What’s going on, Alex?’ Caroline suddenly barked from behind them. ‘What’s happening with Mr Bartlett? Why haven’t you sorted him out?’

Fiona turned to the drug cupboard and pulled out the adenosine to show to the consultant. ‘We’re just drawing this up,’ she said.

Caroline picked up the injection tray with George Bartlett’s name written on it and the empty ampoule. ‘What’s this, then?’ Then she spied the labelled syringe clutched in Fiona’s hand. ‘Give me that,’ she said in a tone that conveyed she was aware something was wrong.

Fiona stared at the ground as she handed it over.

From ingrained practice, the consultant automatically checked the ampoule. ‘What—’

‘He’s not had it. This isn’t for him,’ Fiona quickly interjected.

‘Really!’ Caroline replied sarcastically, and her disbelief punctuated her next words: ‘It’s got his name on it! So clearly he was going to get it!’

Alex chose the wrong moment to let out a shaky breath and saw shock fill Caroline’s eyes. Alex knew she could smell the alcohol. She stared at Alex in disbelief before fixing on the syringe she now held in her hand. Finally Caroline raised her eyes again and the disdain Alex saw withered her to the core. Alex wanted to cry; she desperately wanted to explain that this wasn’t her fault. But the disgust in Caroline’s eyes told her that she would be wasting her time.

‘Leave the department,’ Caroline Cowan quietly ordered.

Alex was so shocked she could hardly speak. ‘I .?.?. I .?.?.’

‘Hey, there’s no need for that!’ Maggie Fielding interrupted in her most autocratic consultant’s voice. ‘There are two of them here, Dr Cowan. Don’t you think you should get the facts before you start accusing one of your staff? You haven’t even asked who’s at fault yet. You’ve just assumed Dr Taylor has made the error.’ Her eyes fixed on Fiona. ‘Did Dr Taylor ask you to draw up a drug?’

‘No!’ Fiona snapped. ‘She asked me to fetch a drug.’

A thin smile curved Maggie’s lips, her tone offhand. ‘Same thing.’

Fiona’s eyes blazed and her chin tilted indignantly. ‘No! Not the same thing!’

Throughout the exchange Caroline didn’t say a word. Her eyes remained steadily fixed on Alex and then she repeated the order:

‘Leave now, before I have security escort you.’

Tears stung Alex’s eyes as she shook her head.

Caroline’s voice was flat, but her eyes glittered with fury.

‘I will talk to you later, Dr Taylor. Please don’t make it any more difficult than it is already. I want you to leave the department immediately.’

Alex felt dozens of eyes follow her, as, on trembling legs, she moved to the exit, but she knew this was just in her imagination. Everyone else was too busy to even notice that her world had just fallen apart.





Chapter fourteen

If disappointment could occupy a physical space, then Caroline’s office would be fit to be bursting. Her disappointment was palpable. She was polite and civil, but there was no warmth in her tone as she laid bare Alex’s crime.

‘To say I’m disappointed is an understatement. I’ve called this meeting to give you a chance to explain your behaviour before I make a decision on whether to make this formal. As you see I haven’t involved HR at this stage; this is an opportunity for you and me to have a frank exchange. If you’re in agreement, that is? Do you understand, Dr Taylor?’

Alex swallowed hard and nodded. ‘Yes, and thank you for not making it formal.’

‘Well that still remains to be seen. So, please explain yourself.’

‘I forgot I was on call,’ she answered in a small voice.

Caroline stared at her, appalled. ‘Forgot? You forgot! That’s your excuse?’

‘I genuinely forgot,’ Alex said earnestly. ‘It was my sister’s wedding on Saturday and it slipped my mind that I was on call.’

Caroline leaned forward in her chair, her expression stern. ‘Well that, Alex, tells me you clearly haven’t got your mind on the job. While I understand that this has been a trying time for you, you should have taken more time off to get yourself completely better.’

Alex bridled. ‘Better from what?’

‘Better from whatever is going on! Do you understand what I’m saying? Do you realise how worried I am about you?’

Alex felt the sting of tears in her eyes. She loved Caroline and respected her more than any other doctor she knew. She didn’t want this woman to lose faith in her.

‘I’m sorry that I let you down. Yesterday was unforgivable. I know you’ve lost trust in me, but I truly believe I was capable of carrying out my job.’

‘And that, Alex, is exactly why I’ve lost trust. What you’re saying is what every drink driver says after causing an accident: “I thought I was safe to drive.” You stupid girl, you’re mucking up your life with this nonsense. I want you to be on my team, Alex. I have high hopes for your future. I expect to see you become a consultant here some day, but if you continue like this you’re going to ruin it all. You had a bad time last year, and these last few weeks have shown that you haven’t recovered from it. Go and see someone and get it properly sorted out. I won’t make this formal, but I will have to monitor your behaviour.’

Unchecked, the tears dripped down Alex’s cheeks and she quickly brushed them away. Caroline had just revealed that she didn’t believe Alex had been abducted, that what happened a month ago was in her mind, imagined because of the ‘bad time’ Alex had suffered last year.

‘Look, take some more time. Go and spend some more time with that handsome boyfriend of yours. He’s worried, Alex. He’s worried about your drinking.’ She smiled to take the sting out of her next words. ‘Said you hit the bottle pretty hard while you were away.’ She relaxed back in her chair, the sternness now gone from her expression. ‘Think about what I’ve said. Think about your future.’

In her car Alex shook with humiliation. How dare he? How dare he talk behind her back? He had betrayed her. All the hugs and reassurance counted for nothing when he could do this to her. Why didn’t he say it to her face? Tell her he was worried. Talk to her about the goddam situation. He was carrying on as if nothing had happened; was it any wonder she was drinking? And when had he had this conversation with Caroline? When had they got so pally that he thought he had that right? Of all the things he could have said, nothing could have been worse than telling her boss she was a drunk.

She picked up her mobile and stabbed the screen till she found his number, and as soon as she heard his voice she shouted, ‘Traitor!’

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