“Yeah?” Sarah loved that her mother still called every single night to see how she was. It wasn’t a new thing, either. Since the day Sarah had moved out of Jillian’s house, venturing out on her own her freshman year of college, Sarah had looked forward to talking to her mother. If someone asked who her true best friend was, Sarah would without a doubt say her mother. They were close. Always had been. Sure, there were times Jillian Davis could be overbearing and blunt, but that didn’t change the fact that Sarah loved her beyond words.
Growing up, Jillian had been Sarah’s, and her sister Tara’s, sole provider. Ever since Sarah’s father decided he needed more adventure in his life back when Sarah was in kindergarten and Tara was in second grade, Jillian had been a single mother. Oddly enough, Jillian didn’t seem to harbor any ill feelings toward Sarah’s father, but Sarah couldn’t say the same. She resented Geoff Davis for leaving them, even if she did look forward to what little time they spent together, usually at Thanksgiving, sometimes at Easter. Since he had quite the adventurous job traveling around the globe as a wildlife photographer, Sarah didn’t get to see him much. Even without her father, Sarah’s childhood had been a good one, and she knew that was all thanks to her mother. Jillian had doted on her two daughters, providing everything they needed, although she couldn’t afford much more than that.
“I figured since it’s Friday, maybe you had a date,” Jillian stated, a question in her voice. Her mother was nothing if not curious.
Sarah barked out a laugh. “Not tonight, no.”
“What happened to Bill?”
Sarah’s nose scrunched up at the mention of his name. She hadn’t seen Bill since Jake’s company party last weekend. After he’d driven her home, walked her to her door, and she’d rudely slammed it in his face… Sarah refused to think about how Bill had wanted to kiss her, about how he’d made her feel like a cheat and a fraud, because no matter what, she didn’t want his lips on hers ever again.
A shiver raced through her.
She needed to talk to Bill, to let him know that this wasn’t working between them. That she wasn’t in a place in her life for that kind of relationship. She knew he wanted more from her. What exactly he was looking for, she didn’t know. He was always trying to kiss her, to cop a feel, seeking intimacy although that was the last thing on Sarah’s mind.
He was a distraction, pure and simple.
Granted, they hadn’t been dating in the formal sense of the word, but they had gone out a few times when they’d first met. Their interaction had waned after about their third outing because she just wasn’t interested in him that way. However, she seemed to be tossing out mixed signals at every turn, and she knew she was the one making this harder on herself. Whatever they were doing, it was going nowhere fast. She felt absolutely zero attraction to the guy, and trying to convince herself she might one day was no longer working, either.
“I haven’t heard from him in a while.” It was a lie, but her mother didn’t know that.
“He went with you to Jake’s party, right?”
Okay, so maybe she did know. “Yes.”
But that wasn’t the last time. Sarah had heard from him this morning, actually. Bill had sent her a text message, asking if she wanted to spend the weekend with him. He told her that there was some sort of party—for the upper crust of the Dallas business world—and he’d received a highly coveted invitation and he was hoping she could attend as his plus one. His words.
Seriously. The guy was a car salesman. He wasn’t the owner, or even the general manager of the dealership, so she wasn’t sure where he came up with upper crust of the Dallas business world or how he factored into it at all. But what did she know… He had informed her he was salesman of the year two years running. At least three dozen times.
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean?” Sarah inquired, walking back to the window. The ripples in the pond behind her house were glittering in the moonlight. It was starting to rain again. With the temperatures dipping below freezing at night, it was possible they’d have ice to deal with tomorrow.
“Nothing,” Jillian offered with a chuckle. “Just sounds to me like you’re not telling the truth.”
Her mother had always been able to detect when Sarah was lying. Didn’t mean she was going to cop to it, though. “No lie,” she lied. “It’s not serious between us.”
And that was the truth. In the four months since she’d first gone out with Bill, Sarah had agreed to only five dates, one of which she’d invited him. Last weekend. But they’d shared dinner every time, nothing more. Well, except for the time he’d taken her to a movie. Not once had there been a single spark between them, so why she hadn’t simply broken it off with him, she couldn’t say.
“I hope you’ve given him a chance at least,” her mother said, her tone softer.
Ever since Paul had died, Jillian had been worried about her. Sarah understood that. It hadn’t been easy losing the man she’d thought she would spend the rest of her life with. In fact, before her mother had called tonight, Sarah’s thoughts of Paul had been making her feel the loneliness that had pretty much consumed her for the past six years.
“Sarah?”
“Sorry,” she replied. “Yes, I’ve given him a chance.”
“But?”
“But nothing. I just don’t … feel anything for him.”
“What about that New Year’s resolution you made? I thought you were going to see it through?”
Sarah chuckled at the memory. She’d been at her mother’s house on New Year’s, drinking sparkling apple juice while her mother and her mother’s friends played Cards Against Humanity in the kitchen and downed shots of whiskey. Sarah had opted for the alcohol-free night in an effort to keep an eye on the crazy ladies. When it got close to midnight, they’d all decided to make one resolution for the year and they had to say it aloud. Sarah’s had been a promise to go that extra step this year, to meander out into the world, to shake off the melancholy and get back to living life to its fullest. After all, what was the point of a complete physical overhaul if she was going to keep herself locked up in the house?
Well, she was nearly two weeks into the new year, and it felt as though time was quickly passing her by, and she still had no clue as to how she would fulfill that one simple resolution.
“I’m workin’ on it.” Another lie. The proof that she hadn’t followed through was the fact that, six years after her husband’s death, she was sitting at home on a Friday night. Alone.
“How’d that party go last weekend anyway? Jake hasn’t said much about it.”
“It was good,” she lied. Okay, so this conversation was going nowhere. One more lie and lightning might strike her where she stood.
“Good? That sounds boring.” Jillian chuckled. “What are you hiding? Did you see Dylan?”
Oh, crap. Her mother would have to go and bring him up. The one man Sarah had been trying not to think about for the past three years. One of her biggest downfalls was that she’d spent too much time living in the past, and Dylan Thomas was definitely her past.
Unfortunately, it took little effort for her to vividly remember that heartbreaking night when Dylan had needed a shoulder to lean on, a night she desperately wished she could forget but secretly prayed she never did.
“Yeah,” she confirmed. “He was there.”