“Leaving my world,” she whispered, her glowing green eyes holding his, “terrified me. So much.” She swallowed. “That’s why I was so angry with you for…what happened.”
Derek cleared his throat. “For me following you. For forcing your hand.”
His wife nodded. “I had such a plan for my future, such a clear image, and then suddenly, it was gone and I…I felt so lost.” A tentative smile came to her lips. “But I no longer regret that day,” she whispered, and Derek’s heart stopped for the barest of seconds. “Although this life is different and…hard, it is a challenge, and I’m slowly coming to realise that…I need this. I want this.” Shrugging, she sighed. “My old life was comfortable, predictable, but I realise now that it would never have been enough. I think I’ve always wished for something else. I simply didn’t know what it was.”
Derek drew in a slow breath, feeling his skin tingle as her words washed over him. “Do you intend to stay then?” he asked, realising that from the moment she had so unexpectedly shown up at Huntington House, he had feared he would wake up one morning and find her gone.
Madeline swallowed, her hands trembling despite the warming fire beside them. “Do you want me to?”
“I do,” Derek stated simply and honestly, his gaze locked on hers. “I’ve wanted you from the moment I first saw you. However, I feared that a woman like you could never care for a man like?”
In an instant, Madeline flung herself into his arms, her hands sliding up to cup his face before she pushed herself up against him, claiming his lips with her own.
Crushing her in his arms, Derek responded to her kiss with the same passion, a fire burning in his veins, consuming him whole. For a long moment, he allowed himself only to feel, to enjoy the touch of her skin and the taste of her lips. However, much too soon, a nagging voice in the back of his mind, whispered one word?one single word?which felt as though a bucket of icy water had been dumped onto his head.
Townsend.
Shocked, Derek pulled back, staring at her wide-eyed, wishing with all his heart he could simply forget. Looking at her full lips, remembering how they had been moulded to his own only a moment before, he wanted nothing more but to pull her back into his arms. However, he could not shake the question of whether Townsend had tasted those same lips as well.
“Is something wrong?” his wife asked, carefully stepping toward him, her gaze filled with confusion as well as a touch of concern.
Derek drew in a deep breath, his gaze lingering on her beautiful face, and a smile touched his lips. He loved her. Heaven help him, but he loved her, and he realised in that moment that no matter what, he would not be able to stay away from her.
Nevertheless, he had to know. For his own peace of mind.
Swallowing the lump in his throat, Derek stepped forward and grasped her hands, holding them tightly in his own as he met her eyes. “There is something I need to ask you,” he said, feeling her hands tense and grow cold as she drew in an unsteady breath.
Seeing the guilt on her face, Derek gritted his teeth, reminding himself that this was merely an obstacle he needed to overcome. It was not the end. And still, every fibre in his body ached with the agony of imagining his wife in that man’s arms.
Drawing in another breath to steady his own nerves, Derek faced the truth and all the pain it would bring. “There is something I need to ask you,” he repeated, holding her gaze when she tried to look away, “and I need you to be truthful with me. I promise you no matter what your answer is I will not judge you for it. I won’t deny that it will…hurt…deeply, but I know that we were different people then. We hardly knew each other, and despite the vows we had taken, they felt…hollow because they were built on duty alone, and not on…a deeper emotion.”
Biting her lower lip, his wife looked up at him. Then she nodded. “I think I know what your question is,” she whispered, her hands gripping his more tightly as though she feared to lose him.
Derek’s heart jumped with joy at such an honest sign of her feelings for him. No matter what she would tell him, they would be fine. For no matter what had happened, in the end, she had not chosen to stay with Townsend. Something had made her leave and come to find him, Derek, at Huntington House.
Whatever it was, Derek would always be grateful for it.
“One night…”
As his wife’s words echoed to his ears, Derek closed his eyes, wishing he did not have to hear them. But he did, and so he met her gaze once more.
“…I went to a ball,” she began her tale, “and Lord Townsend was there. We danced, and then he escorted me outside onto the terrace.” She swallowed, guilt resting in her eyes. However, she did not try to look away. “I asked him to because…I was angry with you, because you had abandoned me. And then I learnt that despite your assurance that you never had any intention of trapping me into marriage, you had kept Lord Townsend from following me that night by spilling your drink on him.”
Derek inhaled a deep breath, remembering the panic that had seized him at the thought of Townsend and Madeline alone together. “He told you that?”
Madeline nodded, and Derek realised how Townsend’s words must have seemed to her. Of course, she had thought he, Derek, had lied to her. How could she not have?
“I was furious,” Madeline continued, pain and sadness in her eyes as she spoke. “After you told me you would not object if I were to…,” she swallowed, shaking her head, “I wanted to…” Closing her eyes for a moment, she drew in a steadying breath. “I have never felt so rejected in my life, and I thought if you didn’t want me, then…” She shrugged. “I’m not certain what I thought. But I wanted to hurt you. Even if you didn’t care for me, no husband would remain unaffected if his wife were to…”
As his stomach turned upside down, Derek forced himself to remain calm, his muscles aching painfully with the tight grip he forced on them. “Did you…did you share his bed?” he asked through gritted teeth, knowing the moment of truth had finally come.
Holding his gaze, Madeline allowed a long, torturous moment to pass. “I did not,” she finally said, her eyes searching his, waiting for her words to sink in.
For long seconds, Derek thought he had misunderstood for deep inside he had been so prepared to take this blow and find a way to live with it. “You did not?” he asked, his eyes wide as he now searched her face.
“I did not,” she repeated, her voice steady. “However,…”
Instantly, Derek’s insides clenched.
“I did kiss him,” Madeline admitted, “and I allowed him to kiss me.” Her gaze held his, and although he saw a certain apprehension in her green depths, she stood tall and proud, not pleading for forgiveness.
And Derek had to admit she was right not to do so.
Certainly, they had both made mistakes. However, it had been he who had brought that about. If only he had taken her to Huntington House with him. If only he had had the courage to tell her why he had pursued her that night. If only he had given her more on their wedding night than a simple kiss.
Still, to him at least, it had been a deeply disturbing kiss as it had made him realise how much he cared for her. Although back then, he had barely allowed that thought to enter his mind; deep down, he had known that a kiss only felt as overwhelming as theirs had when love was involved…or at least the first blossoming emotions that eventually grew into love.
Had she felt it too? Or had theirs been no different than the kiss she had shared with Townsend?
“I need you to know,” his wife said, drawing his attention back to the here and now, “that the moment he kissed me, I knew I was making a mistake.” Shaking her head, she sighed. “When he kissed me, I felt…nothing, which was more confusing as I still so vividly remembered the way you had kissed?”