Shaking his head, Derek swung the axe forward, splitting a log in two.
From the moment he had first laid eyes on her, he had wanted to hold her in his arms, yet certain that that was the last thing she wanted. And so, he had kept his distance even after they had been married, doing his best to respect her wishes. Had he been wrong?
Only a few hours ago, his wife had demanded to know why he would reject her, why he had married her if he did not want her. From the way she had spoken, the tone of her voice aggrieved, even heart-broken, Derek had to believe that his rejection had pained her. And yet, his mind refused to believe that it could be true.
Had she come to care for him…despite everything that stood between them? Was that possible?
As much as Derek wanted to believe it to be so, he could not help but remember the way the ton regarded people like him and his family. And yet, had he not come to realise in the past few weeks that his beliefs were nothing more than prejudices? That he ought to reconsider and judge others the way he himself wished to be judged, by his actions alone?
If he did so regarding his wife, Derek knew that there was only one conclusion: she cared for him.
A careful smile tugged at the corners of his mouth as he stared into the distance, remembering the way she had felt in his arms, her chilled skin against his, warming under his touch.
As hope for a future blossomed in his heart, Derek once more remembered the nagging question that stood between them, and he once more raised his axe, feeling the need to slice through the sturdy log, to see it broken in two. Was that not how his own heart felt? Ready to burst in two, only waiting for the confirmation of his worst fears?
Did she truly care for him the way he cared for her? Or was he merely second best? A consolation prize now that Townsend was not an option any longer?
At least not as a husband, Derek corrected himself, feeling his hands begin to shake with the rage that bubbled up under his skin. More than anything, he wanted to bring down his axe on Townsend’s head, instantly shocked by his own thoughts.
Dropping the weapon, he rubbed his hands over his face, trying to collect his thoughts. Despite his time in the army, he was not a violent man, a man that used force to achieve his goals or put down his enemies.
And he refused to become such a man.
Drawing a lungful of cold night air into his body, Derek knew that there was no prolonging the inevitable. He needed to know. He needed to ask her for the truth, and then he would need to find a way to deal with it…whatever it was.
Still, he could not deny that he dreaded the moment when she would look at him and he would see the truth in her eyes, knowing that with every day that passed. his heart was more in danger than ever.
For if he was completely honest?at least with himself?then he had to admit that he was in love with his wife.
There was no denying that.
When morning came on slow feet, Derek returned to the house, not surprised in the least to find his mother in the kitchen, her old hands kneading dough as she had done almost every day of her life. Wishing to escape her watchful eyes, Derek snatched an apple from a barrel in the corner and headed toward the door. “I’ll get an early start today. Tell…Madeline I shall be back for supper. There is no need for her to?”
“I’m not your messenger, boy!” his mother snapped, her hands on her hips as she regarded him through narrowed eyes. “If ye wish to tell your wife something, ye better find the courage to do so yourself. Do ye hear me?”
Derek swallowed, knowing that his mother was right, and yet, he could not face his wife. Not now. As much as he knew he ought to speak with her, the thought of learning the truth terrified him like nothing ever had. “I will,” he finally said, knowing that as much as he wished to, he could not escape it forever.
“Good.” Clearing her throat, his mother returned to kneading the dough. “Before ye run out though, ye might wish to know that the Dunning boy came over a half an hour ago.”
Derek froze with his hand on the door handle. “Why?” he asked, turning back to look at his mother. “Where is he?”
“He returned home, but his mother asked him to tell ye that there is a leak in their roof from the downpour last night. He said she tried to fix it herself, but?”
“I’ll go see her right now.” Nodding, Derek headed for the door for the second time that morning, grateful to have his thoughts occupied by a less terrifying subject. Somehow, he needed to convince Meagan to leave behind their cottage and move into the manor house…at least until spring when the weather would clear and allow for the necessary repairs to be made.
However, remembering the proud look in Meagan’s eyes, Derek knew that it would be far from an easy feat.
***
Waking from a deep, peaceful slumber, Madeline first noticed the smile that still clung to her face. Then she noticed that she was not in her own bedchamber, but rather in her husband’s.
With wide eyes, clutching the blanket to her chest, Madeline surged upward, her cheeks flushing red at the memory of the previous night. Expecting to see Derek somewhere in the room, she could not help the small plummet of her heart at seeing that she was alone. Why had he left? Why had he not woken her up?
Gathering her damp clothes off the floor, Madeline tiptoed into her own chamber, dressing quickly. A part of her dreaded seeing her husband while another could not wait for the moment his gaze would find hers. What would it feel like? After everything they had shared last night, how would it feel to look at each other in the light of day? Would they feel like strangers again? Or would they feel connected somehow as though an invisible bond stretched between them?
Stepping into the kitchen, Madeline’s eyes travelled from her mother-in-law, who was just now placing hot scones on the table, to Kara, Sean and Collin, already seated. They greeted her warmly, urging her to sit down.
“Can I see Milly and Maddie today?” Collin asked his mother with a side glance at Madeline.
“Maddie?” Madeline mumbled, confused for a second as her mind was still occupied with the fact that her husband was nowhere to be seen. Where had he gone so early in the morning?
“I don’t know,” Kara mumbled, one hand resting gently on her swollen belly while the other brushed gently over Collin’s head, her eyes searching his face as though hoping to find an answer there. “You’re still feverish sometimes. I don’t believe it would be good for you to go outside yet.”
“But I want to see Milly and Maddie!” Collin whined, his pale face scrunched up in frustration as he slumped down in his chair.
Madeline frowned. Dimly, she recalled that Collin had suggested to name the little filly Maddie; however, she had never agreed to that.
Smiling, Madeline shook her head. It would seem Collin had simply decided that he did not need her approval. Not that he was wrong. After all, to this day, she had not been able to persuade him to call her Madeline. She might as well surrender the filly’s name now before waging an endless war, which would still end with her defeat.
“Where is Derek?” Madeline asked her mother-in-law as the old woman sat down at the table beside her. “Has he already left?” Her heart sank.
Bessy nodded. “The Widow Dunning asked for his help. Last night’s downpour seems to have torn a hole into her roof.”
Sighing, Madeline leaned back, uncertain if this was good news or not. Had her husband known about the leaking roof when he had sneaked out of his room this morning? And even if he had, why had he not simply woken her up? Although Madeline’s mind conjured a kind and respectful reason why he had not done so, she could not help but feel as though his disappearance was proof that he was avoiding her. The only question was, why?