Eventually, his lips find mine again. At first, the kiss is impassioned and animalistic, but transitions into something…different. It’s full of pain and heartache as his tongue sweeps against mine, slow and measured.
When he pulls back, he stares at me with a haunted look, as if on the verge of telling me something but can’t seem to form the words. It reminds me of the same tortured expression in his eyes my first night in this house.
And just like that night, instead of saying a single word, he drops his hold on me and retreats with quick steps, disappearing into his room before I have a chance to whisper “goodbye”.
Chapter Thirty-Two
I stare at the bright moon over the ocean as I lay awake in bed, sleep evading me. Since my first night here, I’ve slept well, the room designed to emphasize maximum comfort and relaxation. Tonight, nothing can get my brain to shut off, not when I wonder if I blew it with Julian. What if I’d made one final plea for him to reconsider? Would it have changed anything?
I’ll never know.
Feeling like the walls of this luxurious bedroom are suffocating me, I throw the covers off and my feet find the cool floor. I grab my silk kimono robe off the bed post and toss it over my tank top and sleep shorts, securing it around my waist. When I open the French doors and step onto the balcony, I inhale a long breath. The ocean breeze kisses my skin as I walk toward the ledge, leaning my arms on it. It’s so tranquil and serene, the sound of the waves soothing the fire and indecision within.
As I smooth a few tendrils of hair behind my ear, I spy a figure standing at the end of the deck, staring at me. My breath hitches and body shoots upright. His eyes, bloodshot and tired, find mine. It’s clear Julian hasn’t been able to sleep, either.
He pushes himself away from the ledge, walking toward me with slow steps, a heat in his gaze. Hungry. Ravenous. Desperate. I straighten my spine, facing him, the tension between us mounting with every inch he erases. When he’s a breath away, he stops, his expression wrought with turmoil. It’s reminiscent of the indecision covering his face earlier tonight when he left me in the hallway. I worry the same thing will happen, that he’ll retreat instead of push forward. I can’t let that happen.
Without saying a word, I reach for the sash of my robe, pulling at it, allowing the material to fall to my feet. A chill washes over me as the breeze wraps around my exposed skin, but the raw need covering Julian’s expression chases it away, empowering me. Finding the hem of my tank, I pull it over my head, leaving me in just my shorts.
He sucks in a breath, his eyes breaking from mine as they rake over my chest. This is a bold and rash move, especially for me. I’ve never had to put it all on the line and risk rejection. But this is the eleventh hour. There’s no tomorrow, not if I don’t take a leap.
When he returns his gaze to mine, there’s something unfamiliar in it. It’s more than lust or desire. He’s not ready for me to walk out of his life any more than I am. But is that enough for him to ask me to stay? Or will the demons that still haunt him return, forcing him to withdraw back into himself?
I don’t have a chance to think about it as he tugs my body to his, his mouth covering mine. His kiss is fevered, intense, wild. He seems to feed on me, needing me for sustenance. He breathes into me, causing a flutter in my chest. His hands shift to my ass and he squeezes, his raspy groan satisfying and electrifying. When he lifts and places me on the ledge, my legs wrap around his waist, his fingers digging into my skin. Desperate to feel every inch of him, I kiss him with more force, pulsing my hips against him. It feels like we’ve done this dance thousands of times before, our bodies in tune with each other so perfectly, so succinctly. A growl rips from his throat and his grip on me tightens. Before I can make sense of what’s happening, we’re moving, his lips never straying from mine as he carries me into my room.
Once he deposits me onto the bed, he leans back, peering at me, a question in his unwavering gaze. Not a single word has been spoken between us since we left the gala. We don’t need them. After spending this amount of time together, we can read each other. We started out as strangers and became so much more than simply friends. I struggle to see a world without Julian in it.
I don’t want to know a world without Julian in it.
As I nod in silent confirmation that this is what I want, I grab the back of his head, capturing his lips once more. When our tongues meet, he moans, and I hook my legs around him. Moisture pools between my thighs as I squeeze them, desperate for Julian to extinguish the flames he sparked months ago.
His mouth moves from mine, traveling along my jawline, nibbling on my earlobe before beginning the journey down the rest of my body. He takes his time to worship every inch of me, every curve, every dip, every valley, feasting on me as if I’m the finest delicacy known to man.
When his tongue swirls around my nipple, I fist the sheet in my hands, lightheaded. But that’s nothing compared to the immense pleasure shooting through me when his teeth scrape against the sensitive flesh. My breathing increases, my pulse skyrocketing. Unmatched need fills me and I close my eyes, thrusting against him with increased urgency.
“Patience,” he finally says. “I want this to last.”
Taking several deep breaths, I try to slow my racing heart. But he’s already struck the match. He did so the night I first saw him at the bar in Manhattan. All summer, he’s fueled the flames to the point where I’m now ready to combust.
He returns his mouth to my nipple, sucking before continuing his exploration of my body. Every nip, every scrape, every lick pushes me higher and higher. When he reaches my hips, he hooks his fingers into the waistband of my shorts. A single brow arched, he peers up at me. I nod quickly, lifting my ass off the bed, desperate for him to hurry. With a sly grin, he leisurely lowers my shorts and underwear down my legs, tossing them to the floor, then settles between my thighs. Not a single self-conscious thought fills my mind as he seems to admire me from this vantage point, like a man who’s been starved for too long.
He gradually breaks his gaze from mine and licks his lips. Every muscle in my body tightens as I hold my breath, waiting for the warmth of his mouth on my most sensitive spot. I’ve spent the summer in a perpetual state of heightened arousal. I fear all it will take is the slightest swipe of his tongue for me to shatter.
I close my eyes, gripping the sheets even tighter, my core clenching in anticipation. Finally, he presses his tongue against me, and I moan, relaxing my body as I lose myself in this sensation of bliss I’ve only fantasized about. I do everything to prolong it, but it’s impossible. The past two months have been one big buildup to this moment. Now I regret what I’ve deprived myself of to keep my heart guarded, when Julian was able to burst through those walls without even a brush of his finger against my skin. In my heart, I know this was the path we were meant to take. We were meant to wait until this moment to experience this mind-blowing passion neither one of us believed possible…until now.
My breath quickens as that familiar sensation of warmth and ecstasy fills me, the peak in sight. As if able to read me like a book, Julian increases his motion, filling me with a finger, then another, pushing me to the brink until I succumb to his touch, convulsing around him. But that doesn’t make him stop. He continues worshiping me until the last of my tremors cease.
As he crawls up my body, a smirk on his lips, I grab his face, crushing my mouth against his. The taste of me on his tongue reignites the flame and I’m instantly desperate for more of him, for all of him.
“I need you,” I plead in a throaty voice, frantic and delirious.
He simply nods, pushing his shorts down his legs. As he’s about to toss them to the floor, he reaches into one of the pockets, retrieving a foil packet.