My chin trembles and I struggle to speak through the lump in my throat. “How do you find the strength to walk away from someone you’ve grown to care for?” I choke out in a strained voice, one that evidences my frustration and sadness.
There’s a brief pause on the line before he speaks again. Everything about his words exude the compassion I surmise is why women are desperate for his companionship.
“Is this line of questioning coming from somewhere…personal?”
I exhale deeply as I swipe at my eyes, erasing my tears only for new ones to fall. “Let’s just say I find myself in a somewhat similar situation. Apart from the whole escort thing.” I laugh slightly and look down, surprised to see the strip of photos from Coney Island clutched in my hand. I can’t even remember grabbing them. My chest tightens and I swallow hard. “I agreed to help out a friend for the summer…”
“And now that summer’s ending, you’re having trouble walking away.”
My words caught in my throat, I nod. It doesn’t matter he can’t see me. He knows what I’m going through. This is why I reached out to him. I need his reassurance that I’ll get through this.
“Listen, Evie…” His tone softens, taking on a friendly, more familiar quality. Until this point, we’ve been fairly professional in our correspondence and discussions. This is the first time he’s called me Evie, despite my insistence he do so. It’s always been Miss Fitzgerald. “I never said I didn’t struggle with walking away.”
“Then how do you do it? How do you form this amazing connection with another person, one that makes you truly believe you’re soul mates, and still leave?”
“Because I remind myself I’m there to serve a purpose.”
Now his own voice trembles. It’s not as prominent, but it’s obvious his words are laced with emotion, proving he’s not this detached machine who has no trouble jumping between women. He truly does care about each one. The world needs more people like August Laurent.
“I’m there to give women the companionship they desperately need to put them on the track to what’s next. Perhaps that’s what you need to focus on. That whatever arrangement you had was just to get you to the next step in your life. It won’t be easy. You’ll find pieces of him in places you never expect, and it will knock the breath out of you. Like when a commercial you laughed over comes on the TV, especially all those pharmaceutical commercials where the side effects seem worse than the condition it’s meant to treat.”
I close my eyes, remembering doing the same thing with Julian just a few weeks ago. Now the tears that fall are no longer tears of sorrow but of joy, of comfort, my heart expanding.
“Or you hear a song on your playlist and remember dancing to it. Or you see a car that looks like his, only for your heart to deflate when it’s not. But I assure you, the memories will eventually stop being painful, and you’ll look back on this time with fondness instead of heartache. It won’t happen right away. But it will happen.”
“But—”
“My advice to you, since I’m assuming these are your last few days together?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t dwell on the future. Enjoy the present. Savor every last second you have together. Create more memories instead of lamenting on old ones. I promise these memories will carry you through the difficult road ahead, where you’ll question everything. Everyone comes into our lives for a reason, Evie. This…friend. Maybe he didn’t come into your life to be your soul mate. Or maybe he is your soul mate, but not in the way you think. Maybe he’s like Virgil guiding Dante through Hell and Purgatory, showing you who you are so you can start living.”
As I hang up and continue packing my things for the last time, I do everything to follow August’s advice. I try not to dwell on the idea of the sun setting on this magical summer, focusing instead on enjoying the little time I have left with Julian. Maybe he came into my life to help me realize I deserved so much more than what Trevor gave me. That I deserve to be with someone who supports my dreams, regardless of how ambitious and out of reach they may seem. Julian gave that to me. For that, I’ll forever be grateful. The notion keeps the tears at bay.
Until the buzzer sounds and I step out of the building to see Julian standing on the front stoop, the car I’ve nicknamed Thursday, the Jaguar, idling by the curb. He looks as beautiful and captivating as when I first saw him from across a bar during what I thought to be the worst night of my life. But now that I know his inner beauty matches that on the outside, he appears even more beautiful, more captivating. It forces the ache to return, tears sliding down my cheeks.
Julian’s quick to pull me into his chest, holding me tightly as my tears soak his white linen shirt. His arms comfort me at the same time they remind me this will be the last time they’ll be here to do so.
“It’ll be okay,” he murmurs, his own voice showing signs of strain. “This was always how it was going to end. Nothing will change that. You deserve more than I can give you, Guinevere.”
I lift my head and peer into his eyes. “How do you know?”
He brings his thumbs up to my eyes, wiping at them. “It’s the truth. I am not a good man. I won’t bring you down with me. You deserve the sun and moon and stars.” He brings his forehead to mine. “I can’t give that to you.”
I cup his face, relishing in the scruff of his unshaven jaw. “What if you already have?”
He swallows hard as his eyes lock with mine. I can see the internal struggle through those vibrant blue orbs, ones I’ve seen look at me in a way I never thought another man would. So much admiration. So much devotion. So much…love?
Before I can react, he swallows me in his embrace, crushing his lips to mine, his kiss ravenous, desperate, needy, as tears slide down my cheeks. I arch into him, returning his kiss with the same intensity, wanting to remember every groan, every circle of his hips, every swipe of his tongue before the candle is extinguished.
Chapter Thirty-One
They say time seems to drag when you’re excited about something. The opposite is true, as well, because my final weekend with Julian flies by, time rushing when I’d love nothing more than for it to slow down.
The myriad of events I attend on Julian’s arm are marked with a celebratory atmosphere reminiscent of the last days of school. I hate lying to all these people as I make plans to get together with several of them in the city. But that won’t happen, not once word of our breakup gets out. I’ll be back to my normal life, and my summer with Julian will be nothing but a distant memory. In my heart, I know that will never be the case. Not for me. And not for Julian. He’s struggling with this, too. I can see it in his eyes as he looks upon me with a hint of longing, feel it in his arms as he holds me a little tighter, taste it in his lips as he presses them against me with a bit more desperation.
As I stare at my reflection in the full-length mirror as Camille helps zip up the stunning charcoal-colored ballgown I’m to wear to the final gala, it’s bittersweet. I’ve kept my emotions at bay all weekend in front of everyone, only allowing Julian to see them in the hopes he’d change his mind. Now that it’s almost over, a tear escapes at the knowledge that this is it, my last night by his side. It’s not about the glitz and glamor. What’s killing me is never experiencing the same adoration, devotion, or affection I have this summer. Even if it’s not real. In my heart, it is. It has been since the beginning.
“It’ll be okay.” Camille fetches a tissue and holds it out when she notices the tear sliding down my cheek. I offer her a smile as I bring it to my eyes, grateful I’d worn waterproof mascara. “He’s struggling, too.”
“Right,” I scoff. All weekend, Julian’s been his usual charming self. Yes, there’s a hint of sadness surrounding him, but not enough to make a change.
“Trust me, sweetie. I’ve known Mr. Gage a long time. I’ve never seen him this...unsure.”