Perhaps millennials are thin-skinned because the culture they grew up with was so soft around the edges. I was in the last few years of teens who grew up with Marilyn Manson, Guns ‘n’ Roses, Nine Inch Nails, Madonna, The Dark Crystal, Time Bandits and the Never-Ending Story. If you’re reading this and you’re 22 or 23, by comparison your culture has been remarkably fluffy and peril-free. When I was growing up, not every story had a happy ending and it wasn’t always obvious who the bad guys where. I idolized Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Skeletor, Darth Vader and Margaret Thatcher.
My generation and all generations before me were exposed at a young age to the reality that life can be cruel and being “a good person” isn’t going to change that. Your generation, not so much. Partly because you grew up on Justin Bieber instead of Rage Against The Machine, but also because your teachers and professors have insulated you from any and all forms of trauma.
Professors who want to follow the example of the University of Chicago should suffer in silence no longer; now is the perfect time to start a resistance movement. There will be pushbacks and reprisals in the beginning, sure, but in the long run it will pay off. The defenders of the status quo are too few and unpopular to cling on to power for very long.
Dissident faculty members, I’ve given you an army: use it!
There is no better time to achieve a revolution on college campuses. Potential allies are starting to multiply. Everywhere you look, there are moderate liberals conceding defeat to conservatives and admitting that political correctness has gone too far. A new coalition is waiting to be built.
I can live with that.
Fighting the good fight isn’t all bad. I’ve become ever more notorious—the most disinvited campus speaker of 2016.245 But that’s just a bonus! There’s a revolution brewing on college campuses. My tour is one important component. Two million dollars later, we’ve forced colossal change in American higher education, achieving more than two generations of conservatives and libertarians before us. And we’re just getting started. My next tour, which might be underway already by the time you read this, will be called TROLL ACADEMY.
Every time they try to ban me, I get more powerful—because I don’t back down. You could say I’m only theatrical because they force me to be. Would there be a market for Milo if conservative and libertarian opinions were treated just as fairly as everyone else’s? If Batman is the yin to Joker’s yang, perhaps Milo had to exist to balance out Lena Dunham.
You’ll know I’ve won when no one comes to my shows any more. In the meantime, as everyone knows, there are lines out the door everywhere I show up. That tells you all you need to know about the state of free thought on college campuses.
Administrators should have learned the lesson by now. If you think I’m crass and boorish and a cancer on your school’s intellectual life, how about you start hiring more conservative academics? Because if you leave it just to the students, you’re going to end up with a lot more people like me.
MILO’S COLLEGE RANKINGS: HEROES AND ZEROES
Want to know what college you should send your kids to, donate to, or apply to? Look no further. These are the colleges that have distinguished themselves – for better or worse.
ZEROES:
The University of Missouri: 2015’s poster child for spinelessness saw its president resign over largely made-up racism complaints from privileged student activists. Do not enroll. Do not donate.
U.C. Berkeley: 2017’s poster child for spinelessness. University police stood back and watched rioters set fires, loot buildings, and beat up anyone who looked vaguely pro-Trump.
U.C. Davis: Bullied college Republicans into cancelling my event minutes before it was scheduled to begin after violent protesters stormed the venue.
DePaul University: Administrators instructed campus police not to intervene when belligerent activists stormed the stage and swung their fists in my face.
The University of Maryland: Forced college organizers to cancel my event by hiking security fees at the last minute.
The University of Miami, Florida: Cancelled my event for vague, undefined “security concerns.”
New York University: Ordered a professor, Michael Rectenwald, to go on leave after he publicly criticized political correctness and declared himself a “deplorable” on social media.
Villanova University: Caved in to activists who demanded the cancellation of my event.
Iowa State University: Forced the cancellation of my event by – you guessed it – levying a last-minute security fee hike on student organizers.
HEROES:
The University of Chicago: The Chicago Principles on Free Expression, outlining the college’s absolute commitment to free inquiry and free expression, are widely considered to be the gold standard in the fight against campus censorship. In 2016, the university greeted freshmen by warning them not to expect any “safe spaces” during their time at college.
California Polytechnic State University: Its president, Jeffrey Armstrong, refused to compromise with activist attempts to cancel my event, despite calls for his resignation.
The University of Minnesota: Minnesota’s law faculty quickly moved to strengthen free speech protections on campus after protesters attempted to disrupt my lecture on campus.
Oklahoma Wesleyan University: Its president, Dr. Everett Piper, issued a letter to supporters of safe spaces in 2015, informing them that his college is not a “day care.”
Emory University: When activists demanded action against students chalking pro-Trump slogans on campus grounds, Emory’s president, James W. Wagner, responded by chalking his own message: “Emory Stands for Free Expression.”
Ohio State University: Administrators ended a Missouri-style sit-in protest in 2016 with quiet efficiency, by threatening protesters with expulsion and arrest if they did not disperse.
Michigan State University: In contrast to the feeble response of campus security at U.C. Berkeley, police at Michigan State arrested no fewer than six unruly protesters and sent the rest running.
HOW TO BE A DANGEROUS FAGGOT
(EVEN IF YOU’RE NOT GAY)
Over the next decade, social justice warriors and busybodies are going to be beaten into submission by the forces of freedom and fun. We are going to win, and it’s not thanks to a ferocious conservative press, or killer political candidates or great Republican authors and thinkers. It’s you, buying this book, laughing at the crybabies on Twitter and Facebook, finally throwing your hands up in disgust and saying, “Enough.”
From college students sick of attending mandatory consent workshops and learning 42 new gender pronouns, to video game fans who just want to be left alone, the past couple of years have shown the power of ordinary people to defy elites and radically alter the cultural consensus. We’re nowhere near sick of winning yet, and I am filled with excitement when I imagine what brilliant conquests our gang of deplorables will achieve next.