“So why do you look so glum about the possibility?” she pressed.
“Sloan, you’ve saved my sorry ass twice. I guess I feel like I’m a damned bad penny that shows up in your life every now and then. All I’ve ever done is hurt you—or made your life miserable.”
Wanting to cry, Sloan eased her hand from his. “First of all?” she whispered, “you’ve never been a burden to me, Dan. I always looked forward to seeing you whenever I could.”
“Sloan, I remember now. I got one helluva download this morning about Bagram—about us and what I did to you.”
She felt her heart skitter with pain and memory. “That was four years ago, Dan. We’ve both changed. I know you didn’t mean to hurt me on purpose. There were other issues in your life that pushed you in that direction.”
Rubbing his brow, he stared over at her. Dan wanted her so damned badly he could taste it. And he knew now that he didn’t deserve a second chance with Sloan, much less ask her to take him in and become a temporary caregiver for him. “Why would you do this for me after what I did to you at Bagram?”
Anguish squeezed at her heart, and she struggled to appear calm, to be his anchor, and not stir up more muddy water between them right now. “Well,” she whispered, “because I care about you to this day, Dan. We might not be lovers like before, but I’ve always liked you.” She swallowed hard. “And that hasn’t changed in the four years that separated us. I’m here for you. I’m your friend. And you can count on me to have your back. I’ll do everything in my power to help you heal. And I really do want you to come and stay with me. Plus, you get to watch all those great football games on TV.”
“You work for Artemis,” he pointed out. “Most likely, Tal will assign you to another mission soon?”
“No, I’ve accrued a lot of vacation days. More than enough to stay home and care for you. That’s not a worry here we need to fix. Tal’s already approved my leave for two months. I can remain with you, and we can get you healed up and on your feet sooner than later.” She saw some of the worry leave his expression. Four years ago, Dan thought of no one but himself, never her or her needs. Sexually, they were fully compatible. But he’d never reached out like he was doing now by taking her into consideration. That blew her away, but it also fed her hope that he had changed in the intervening years.
He sighed and looked at the empty sack on the floor. “That was good food, Sloan. I’d like to share meals with you every day.”
“I won’t kill you, that’s for sure. I’m a good cook, Dan.” Keep it light. Keep it teasing. It was tough not to reach out, slide her arms around his drooping shoulders, and kiss him until they melted together like the good lovers they were with one another. “We’ll make it work,” she promised thickly, unable to keep some of her feelings hidden from him.
“Okay,” he said, “but only if it’s not too much. I’ve taken enough away from you. I feel like I need do something to atone for what I did. I don’t want to cause you more misery, is all.”
Her face softened as she heard him fight to say those words. “It’s a different time and place.” Reaching out, she curved her fingers around his. “We’re older now. Experiences have changed us over the years. It will be fine. And it will work out. Don’t worry that it’s too much for me, okay?” Sloan loved him, and even though he was injured and would have a long recovery, it was a joy to be at his side helping him heal.
“I feel like I’m using you again, Sloan.”
Wincing inwardly, she knew that was true at Bagram. He did use her. But she’d agreed to his rules and they’d both benefitted from their intimacy with one another. “Let the past go, Dan. We’re both different.”
“You need to tell me if I’m becoming a burden. Promise me that?” Dan drilled her with a dark, intense look.
“You’ll never be a burden to me. But yes, if I feel like I’m in overwhelm with you, I’ll let you know.” She saw his expression relax and realized he was sincerely concerned about her, and not just himself.
“So, do you know when they’re releasing me from this prison?” he jested.
“Yeah. Two days from now.”
“Is there any chance I could have dinner with you here the next two days?”
“You want me to make dinner for us?”
He shrugged. “Maybe order from a nearby restaurant or something. I don’t want you to have to drag your cooking here to the hospital for me. I don’t expect that.”
Smiling a little, she said, “It would be an honor and pleasure to share dinner with you here in your room. It’s only two days. And it’s not stressful for me. I love to cook.”
“Well, you’re damn good at it.” He scowled. “I don’t want to make you feel as if I’m taking advantage of you, is all.”
The changes in Dan stunned her. Sloan wasn’t sure whether they were because he almost died and was reordering his life, or whether their talk on the beach was partially responsible for his change in attitude toward her. It wasn’t the drugs talking because he was on a much lower dose than before. She could see the alertness gleaming in Dan’s eyes. He was trying to be fair toward her. “I’ll let you know if and when you’re taking advantage of me. Fair enough?”
“Then,” he said, clearing his throat, “I’m more than ready to come home with you two days from now.”
“Good, because it’s the right decision.”
“I wish I felt as confident as you do.”
Tucking away his concerns, the words, I love you, nearly ripped out from between her lips. Sloan had to continually remind herself that Dan honestly didn’t know what love was. It was easy for her to see that he cared deeply for her or he wouldn’t be concerned about her welfare. Reaching out, she caressed his cheek. “When you care for someone, Dan, it’s never a burden on either person. Remember that.”
CHAPTER 14
When you care for someone, Dan, it’s never a burden on either person. Remember that?
Those words broke Dan in a new way. He saw the grief, the love, and hope burning in Sloan’s eyes when she said this to him two days ago. It ate at him that night, and when he woke up the next morning, he remembered the discussion they’d had on the beach in Sudan.
All of it.
He wasn’t in a good mood that morning and had barely been civil to the male orderly who brought him his tasteless, uninspiring breakfast. Afterward, the man helped Dan out of his bed to walk up and down the halls, his slippers shuffling because of the gnawing ache in his side. The orderly stayed with him as he moved along, one hand gripping the IV pole so that he could walk in a straight line. Dan had been doing this every day since his surgery, and he was getting stronger. This morning, as he made his circuit around the floor, he realized Sloan would be doing this for him instead, starting today.
Dan craved the freedom of getting out of the hospital. He longed for Sloan’s quiet, steady presence, her laughter, her smile, and her teasing. More than anything, Dan needed to let her know just how much she meant to him. He’d been so closed up to her. Staying at her home was a one-time opportunity, and he swore he wasn’t going to screw it up this time.
Nearly dying had changed him. Sloan had saved his life a second time. He might not know what love was, but he knew that what he felt for Sloan was real—whatever the hell it was called it was real—and he wanted to pursue it to some conclusion with her. Dan had no idea what that meant, but he was damn well going to find out.