“Oh,” she whispered, reeling, “I don’t honestly know.”
“But you were an 18 Delta combat medic when you were in the Army. You have incredible experience because you were slotted with Special Forces A teams for years. And I know that you helped save Dan’s life after he was shot. Who better than you, with such a wonderful medical background, to care for him during his convalescent period?”
Sloan tried to think. Her heart was jumping up and down for joy while her head was screaming at her that this was a terrible mistake to agree to have Dan in her house for two months. Searching Dilara’s blue eyes, she could feel the woman’s sincerity. She was well aware, via Dara, that Dilara was a matchmaker of some repute. Was that why she was suggesting this?
“I’m afraid,” Sloan admitted quietly. Pressing her hand to heart, she added, “I’m afraid to try again. He’s hurt me so badly before that it has literally taken me four years to recover from it.”
“Yet, you say that you still love him? That your love for Dan never really went away?” Dilara pressed.
“Yes,” Sloan slowly admitted. “It’s one thing to feel that and quite another to have Dan under my roof for eight solid weeks and me interacting with him daily.”
“Because?”
“Because just being around him triggers my love for him. I can’t stop myself from loving him. And I didn’t even know I still felt this way until I met him again at Port Sudan. I thought it was over, but I was wrong.”
“And you’re afraid that Dan doesn’t love you?”
“Yes. But even if he never got over me, he never reconnected with me in that four-year period.”
“Perhaps, “she said gently, giving her an understanding look, “he had buried it until you stepped back into his life?”
Rubbing her chest, her heart filled with grief and hurt, Sloan said, “Anything is possible. I didn’t have a chance to ask Dan about it.”
“But he told you that he wanted a second chance with you.”
“Yes.”
“And you hadn’t made up your mind on that yet?”
“That’s right. We’d just talked about this a few hours earlier before we landed and were attacked at the hangar. Neither of us had time to digest anything. Our lives were on the line.”
“Quite so,” Dilara agreed sagely, nodding. “My job, as I see it, is to heal people. We do that at Delos in many different ways. Sometimes, it’s providing them education, a way out and up from poverty by creating schools and bringing in teachers. At other times, it is giving an abused woman and her children a place of safety. When we can get her and her children within a Delos Safe House, we can not only care for them but also help the woman start a small business and livelihood. We can help rebuild her confidence, give her skills, and a way to make money for her and her children. At other times, we bring in agricultural experts, provide animals or tools so that these men and women can provide more food for their families and villages. And sometimes, it is the care of our brave, committed Delos employees that takes precedence. I care equally about them, about their lives and whether they are fulfilled and happy.”
“And you’re asking me to take Dan into my home?”
“Only if you want it. I would never force you to do something you don’t want to do.” Dilara sighed and tilted her head. “Love is never easy. Love is a crooked path that goes up and down at times. You yourself said that you love Dan. And he volunteered and asked you for a second chance. I know this is a very rocky, unsure moment for you. And neither of you has had the time to digest any of this. But my instincts, which are usually pretty good, tell me that Dan has matured and that he won’t treat you like his mother treated him and his father. He did it once. You and I can agree upon that. But that was four years ago. Your heart was gravely wounded by him, but you survived. And now, you both feel a pull toward one another again. Picking up where you left off. Because your love wasn’t ever given a real chance to flourish fully there at Bagram. Dan put many restrictive rules in place to protect himself. Now, it sounds to me as if he sees the error in his ways and he’s ready to try again, but without all those silly rules. Am I wrong about my assessment of you two so far?”
Glumly, Sloan shook her head. “No, you’re right on the money.”
“So? It’s not a question of whether you love Dan or not. It is a question of whether you dare to love and reach out to him again?”
“Yes.” Sloan pushed her uneaten breakfast aside, her stomach tight. “I always thought that courage was about putting yourself in the line of fire in a military sense,” Sloan offered quietly. She clasped her damp hands together and looked away for a moment, trying to gather her words because her emotions were running rampant. “I’m convinced that real courage is living. Not just surviving.”
“Indeed,” Dilara agreed gently. “Fear of living is huge in this world. When we know our heart can be wounded again, so many of us retreat, afraid of the same kind of pain once more. We avoid anything to do with opening up our hearts because of this.”
“And that’s where I’m at with Dan,” she admitted heavily.
“I wish I had a crystal ball to tell you that your love for Dan would eventually be given in return to you and that you could both live happily ever after with one another,” Dilara said, reaching out, and clasping her hands over Sloan’s. “Real love takes courage on both people’s part to transcend those earlier wounds.” She smiled a little, searching Sloan’s dark, grief-stricken eyes. “You nearly lost him just now. You can see that there are no guarantees in life. The people we love can be ripped from us in an instant. And yet, what do we do? Do we stop ourselves from loving them with all we have right now because it’s possible we’ll lose them someday? Nothing is forever. My husband, Robert, is the love of my life. Do I recognize that he could be ripped out of my life, at any moment? Yes. But I would rather love him than not love at all because I’m afraid of the hurt and grief I’ll feel afterward.”
Sloan felt like a coward when Dilara put it in that framework.
“Don’t forget,” Dilara said in a low, passionate voice, “that you have saved Dan’s life twice. Once in Afghanistan, and now, in Sudan. Don’t you think that God has greater plans for both of you, together? Have you looked at it from that perspective?”
Sloan slowly pulled her hands away from Dilara, staring at her, feeling as if a bolt of lightning had just sizzled through her. “No…I hadn’t seen it…”
“The woman is always stronger. We lead our man out of the brambles of their suppressed emotions, get them to feel again, to trust their feelings, and trust someone outside of themselves.”
“Did Robert have those kinds of issues?”
Dilara laughed lightly, placing her hands around her coffee cup once more. “Indeed, he did. But every man on this earth is stoved up emotionally. Our patriarchal world has told them they shouldn’t feel; they shouldn’t cry; they shouldn’t reach out for emotional sustenance. It is the woman that they fall in love with whose job it is to reacquaint them with their own heart.”
Sitting there, chewing on Dilara’s epiphany, Sloan said, “Then, I’m willing to try, but first, Dan has to approve this idea. If he wants to stay at his condo, I can’t live there with him. I need my home, too.”
“I completely agree. If Dan agrees to come to your home, then I would surmise that his love for you has transcended his fears. If he wants his condo? Then I shall hire a twenty-four-hour nursing company to care for him, instead.”