I watched Austin's friend Lucas walk out onto the beach. I could see him, but he couldn’t see me. It was his mom that passed away. He stared out at the ocean like he wanted to disappear into the night. Let the waves take him under instead of his emotions. He looked so broken and lost. I remembered feeling that exact same way at my parents’ funeral.
It was like your mind and heart were running away but your body was standing in place.
With nowhere to go.
“God, when was the last time we were all together like this?” the girl, Alex asked, pulling me away from my thoughts as she walked out onto the beach to stand next to Lucas.
“Three years,” Austin answered, walking up behind her, gently tugging her hair.
The other two boys, Dylan and Jacob quickly followed. They all stood together, each one of them appeared as if they were fighting their own demons. Their own plaguing thoughts.
Especially Austin.
“It’s been too fucking long,” Jacob chimed in, pulling Alex to his side.
“Jesus… look at those kids surfing. It seems like just yesterday that was us out there,” Dylan reminisced, looking at the water with the same sense of longing I felt for Austin, even though he was only a few feet away from me.
“How have we let three years go by without all of us being together? We used to spend every second together,” Dylan added.
“I know,” Alex breathed out. “I can’t tell you how much I miss you boys. God… Austin, it’s so good to freaking see you.” She strolled from Jacob to him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Austin kissed the top of her head. “It’s nice to be home.”
Hearing Austin say those words was like taking a knife to the heart. Home. I thought I was his home. The longer I sat there out of sight, the more I realized I didn’t know Austin at all. Not like his friends did. It was like he was living a double life.
And I was the outsider looking in.
The boys left, leaving just him and Alex alone together. They sat on the beach in easy silence for a few minutes. Austin pulled her to his side with his arm wrapped around her as she laid her head on his shoulder. Exactly the way he had done to me so many damn times I’d lost count.
I loved being wrapped in his arms. I’d never felt so safe. Alex looked so comfortable, so at ease in his arms. As if she spent most of her childhood there.
The way they looked at each other.
The way they talked to each other.
There was familiarity in his gaze when he peered at her. As if he was staring at me. I recognized it immediately.
At that exact moment I realized why Austin hadn’t ever said I love you to me. The truth was playing out in front of me, unfolding before my very own eyes. The home that I built with him out of a deck of cards was crumbling down on me.
He didn't love me...
He. Loved. Her.
I got up.
And left.
Chapter 23
<>Austin<>
After talking to Alex on the beach, catching up on the last three years, I walked back into the restaurant looking for Briggs. She was nowhere to be found. I checked everywhere, even leaning my head into the women's bathroom calling her name.
I walked back out into the main dining area.
“Austin,” Mom coaxed, grabbing my arm to stop me. “Please, honey, don’t listen to your father. You look good.” She placed her hand on the side of my face. “Handsome. Very handsome. You've done a lot of growing up, haven't you?”
After my dad spewed his venom, I walked away from them. The last thing I wanted to do was start a fight at Savannah's funeral. It wasn't the time or place.
“How are you? From your postcards it seems like you have been all over the world traveling.”
I nodded, searching the room for Briggs again.
“With that girl?”
Mom pulled my attention back to her. “Her name is Briggs, Ma.”
She lovingly smiled. “I’m so happy you’re home. We can—” I put my hand up, stopping her.
“I’m only here for the funeral. My home is in New York now. With Briggs.”
She raised her eyebrows. “New York? Are you going to—”
I shook my head no, knowing what she was about to say. “I’m not going to college. I work. I make good money. You don’t have to worry about me. I’m happy. Happier than I’ve ever been.”
“As long as you’re happy. That’s all that has ever mattered to me. Your father—”
“I don’t want to talk about him, Ma. I’ll try to keep in touch more, I promise. It’s good to see you. I’ve missed you.”
“I love you, Austin. No matter what.”
“I love you, too.”
She kissed my cheek and made her way back to my father’s side. We locked eyes from across the room for a few seconds before he shook his head and continued his conversation with Dylan’s dad.
I couldn’t find Briggs anywhere. I pulled out my cell phone, calling her number. It went straight to voicemail.
“The fuck?” I said to myself.