“Everyone?” Briggs chimed in, talking for the first time since I told her we were going to a funeral.
“Of course. His family and friends have missed him all these years,” Alex unknowingly added.
I kissed Briggs’ cheek and tried to turn her chin towards me, but she snapped her head back. She wouldn't look at me, and that hurt more than anything.
We made our way toward Lucas where I realized that he still fucking hated me, maybe even more than ever before. I couldn’t blame him.
I hated myself more now too.
I still hadn’t seen my parents.
We went back to Alex’s parents’ restaurant. It was so fucking surreal. I never thought I’d be back here, at least not anytime soon. I exchanged hugs with Jacob and Dylan, catching up on random bullshit, almost like I had never left. We didn’t talk about the past or the last time we saw each other.
It was pointless. Too much had happened. In all of our lives.
I introduced them to Briggs, but she didn’t say much, just nodded and shook the boy’s hands. She had barely said more than a handful of words the entire day, and I knew why. As much as I wanted to work it out with her right then and there, I couldn’t. She went to get us some food while everyone was sharing memories of Lucas’s mom on the stage where they usually had a live band playing.
The boys were all standing by the stage about to take their seats to listen to the rest of the eulogies. I was up next. I needed to say my peace and my official goodbye. I would forever regret not being able to give her a proper goodbye, I wish I could have seen her face one more time.
“You probably think this is my fucking karma, huh?” Lucas asked, when he saw me walking up to them.
“You gotta be shittin’ me right?” I replied, taken aback.
“Lucas, relax, it’s not the time—”
“What the fuck do you know, McGraw? Your mom’s not the one that’s six feet under,” Lucas interrupted with a look of disgust.
“She was a mom to us all,” I reminded.
“So much of a fucking mom to you that you’re just now showing up, right? Makes sense. Go up there, Austin. Make your speech. Should help with the guilt.” Lucas scoffed out.
“That’s enough,” Jacob ordered, only peering at him
“Speaking of guilt. How’s your kid Lucas?” I blurted, regretting it immediately. I shook my head disappointed in myself. “Fuck, man, I didn’t—”
He left, not giving me a chance to apologize.
“I didn’t mean that,” I informed, needing them to hear it anyway.
“We’re all hurting, Austin. You take it out on the ones you care about the most. He knows that,” Jacob said, patting my back.
I nodded, making my way to the stage. Everyone turned to look at me.
Briggs had already been staring at us for a while. Her eyes went from me to them, back to me again. I took a deep breath, trying to focus on why I was really there.
“I knew that she was sick, and I wish I could have been back sooner. I would give anything right now to talk to her one last time. It's no one’s fault but my own. I found out this morning that she had lost her battle with cancer. I never thought she wouldn’t make it.” I cleared my throat, rubbing the back of my neck before putting my hands in my pockets, trying to keep my voice from breaking. “She was one of the strongest women I have ever known. I grew up with Lucas and the rest of the boys, including our Half-Pint.”
Alex smiled at me, her eyes gathering with tears.
“Savannah was like a mom to us all. It’s just who she was.” I shrugged. “One of the best memories I have with her was when I was eight. Savannah made all of our Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle costumes for Halloween. Alex was Splinter, our sensei." I chuckled, nodding to her. "Savannah had spent over a week making those costumes. They were all sold out at the stores by the time we stopped arguing who would be what Ninja Turtle. I was Leonardo. You know, the coolest one… he had swords."
Everyone laughed. The boys sat there shaking their heads at me. I smiled, remembering the memory as if it happened yesterday.