“It was Halloween, and we were playing in the lake. Jumping off the trees to land in the water. I always had to one up the boys. I was the youngest and the smallest back then. Alex begged me not to do it. She said she had a bad feeling, but I didn’t listen. I climbed the highest tree and ended up breaking my leg from landing wrong in a shallow area and hitting the bottom hard. After getting yelled at by Alex first, of course. Then the boys. Then my parents. Then the boy’s parents…” I scoffed out a chuckle.
“I had to go to the emergency room, where we spent most of the night. The boys and Alex ended up going out trick or treating without me. Being eight years old, it was devastating that I missed it. The turtles weren't complete without the coolest one. When everyone came to visit me the next day to sign my cast, all they talked about was how much of a hit their costumes were and how much candy they got because of it. Except for Alex, she knew I was pretending like it didn’t bother me. That I wasn't upset that I missed out on it. Half-Pint always knows everything.”
The boys and I peered over at her. They all knew I was right.
“They went downstairs to eat lunch that my mom made for us. Savannah brought mine up to my room for me. When she came in, I was upset. I was just so sad that I didn’t get to go trick or treating with everyone. When I told her that, she promised she wouldn’t tell the boys. I remember clear as day as if she was standing right in front of me, right now… She said, ‘We will go trick or treating tonight.’ I looked at her like she had five heads explaining to her that it was yesterday and it was a once a year thing. I don’t know how she did it but she managed to pull it off. She made some phone calls and ended up cutting a slit in the pants of my costume so my cast could fit.”
Everyone was crying including Briggs. I was holding back tears as well, bowing my head to keep them from coming out.
“That’s just the kind of woman she was. And I’m going to miss her very much. I loved her like she was my second mother, and I will regret for the rest of my life… that I didn’t get to say goodbye.” I steadied my composure before I looked back up.
Locking eyes with my parents.
<>Briggs<>
He lied to me.
He fucking lied to me.
I cried along with everyone else when he was making his speech. My heart broke for him, but that didn't change the fact that he lied to me.
He had a family…
He had friends…
I watched them from the corner of the room before Austin gave his speech. It looked like they were exchanging heated words, but that didn’t even matter. I could still see the love behind their eyes. The brotherhood they had.
The more he told his story, his memory, his love for a woman who wasn’t even his real mother. The more I realized how much he really did have waiting back at home for him.
He had the childhood I dreamt about, the friendships that I craved, the parents I cried for.
The love I never had.
I left our plates filled with food by the trays not bothering to take it back to our table. I went to the bathroom, pacing back and forth. There was no place for me to go to be alone. The restaurant was packed with people that loved him. He had so much love out there, yet he ran away from it all.
I wanted to fucking scream.
At him.
At myself.
I would have never taken him with me two years ago. I would have never introduced him to this life if I knew he had a home. People who fucking loved him. The guilt was eating me alive and swallowing me whole with no remorse or absolution.
I took a few deep breaths, splashed some water on my face, patted it dry and glanced at myself one last time before walking back into his life.
A life that I didn’t belong in.
“Oh, Austin. It’s so good to see my boy.”
I stopped dead in my tracks, staying behind the wall.
“It’s good to see you too, Ma,” Austin replied.
I placed my hand on my forehead, leaning my head against the wall. I wasn’t ready to listen to this conversation, but it was as if my feet were glued to the goddamn floor.
“Hey, Pop,” Austin added in a strained tone.
He had parents that loved him too.
We were nothing alike. I thought he was an orphan like me. I thought we were one in the same. He had everything I always wanted.
“Look at you. Where’s my blue-eyed boy?” his mom asked, her voice laced with nothing but love for him.
“He’s behind all the tattoos that have now ruined his life even more.”
I winced with his dad’s response. I was to blame for that too. I couldn’t stand around and listen any longer. I pushed off the wall and walked out to the patio, finding a secluded spot toward the side. If it were up to me, I would stay there until we left. I couldn’t stand being around his truths any longer. All it did was add to the lie that he told me.
The lie he made me believe.
Two years, two fucking years I’d been with him. Not once had he mentioned a home. The family who loved him. Waiting for him to come back home instead of wasting his life away with me.
His future.