She sighed, and I resisted the urge to chuckle. Instead I just smiled and shook my head.
“What’s so amusing over there?” Alex called out, catching me.
I shrugged, sitting in my chair sketching up some designs for clients.
“The kid wants to fight for our country, Half-Pint. It’s not like he’s saying he wants to join the circus.”
“Mason, can you go get me a coffee next door please?” Alex ordered.
“Mom, I’m not eight anymore. I know you’re going to sit here and talk about me. I don’t need to leave. At least this way I can defend myself. Am I wrong?”
“Mason…” she warned in her Half-Pint/mom way.
Mason was well over six feet tall already, towering over Alex.
“This is bullshit,” he murmured under his breath, grabbing her money and walking to the door.
“Mason Ryder!”
“Love you, Mom,” he said over his shoulder, walking out of the shop.
I started laughing my ass off. I couldn’t help it. Lucas to a fucking T right there.
“What am I going to do with that kid? Lucas is seriously ready to strangle him,” she stated, turning her attention back to me.
“Look, Half-Pint, his balls dropped. He’s going to step up to Lucas eventually. It’s a right of passage for every boy.” I couldn’t stop laughing. “And… karma is a fucking bitch.”
“God and I still have to go through this with Bo?”
“At least you have your baby girl.” I looked over to her with a smirk.
“Who is five, going on eighteen. She will not leave her brothers alone. All she does is follow them around and nags them.”
“Sounds familiar.” I smiled.
“I was never that annoying though.”
“Debatable,” I chuckled.
Her eyes widened. “At least it’s good to see you smiling and laughing, Austin. Even if it’s at my expense, I’ll take it.”
I looked back down at my drawings, the smile fading fast. She was right. I couldn’t even remember the last time I truly smiled or laughed for that matter.
“What’s going on with you? Are you and Briggs okay? You didn’t seem okay at the barbeque a few weeks ago.”
I ignored her, continuing to draw as she made her way over to me. Pulling up a chair beside mine.
“Hey…” She placed her hand on top of mine, stopping me. “What’s up?”
“Alex, what do you want me to say?”
“I love Briggs, and she won’t tell me anything either. She’s actually much harder to get something out of than you are. Which is hard to believe, the way you keep your feelings bottled up.”
“We’re just going through some shit. You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
I cocked my head to the side.
“Oh, come on. I can keep a secret. You should know that more than anyone. I never told a soul that you kissed me. Not even Lucas knows. It’s no one’s business, but ours.”
“Half-Pint, you know why you didn’t tell him and that’s not the reason.”
“It was part of it. It didn’t mean anything, and you knew that when it happened.”
We locked eyes.
“You know?”
She smiled. “You’ve always been the rebel, Austin. It’s who you are. And because of that you isolate yourself a lot. You still do. It’s the way you cope with things, and it’s never been healthy. To keep that all bottled up inside, waiting for it to erupt like a volcano. I think that’s why you confused your love and our friendship for something you’ve always wanted. But you and I both know it was never me. I was just the only girl in your life that made sense. That’s why I never told Lucas or anyone else.”
I narrowed my eyes at her, taking in what she was saying and knowing that it was the truth. Every last word of it, I remembered when I told Briggs that exact same thing.
“The way you look at Briggs is so devastatingly beautiful. I’ve never seen anyone look at someone the way you look at her. I know that you’ve gone through a lot by yourself, and I’m sure even more with her. But you can’t just shutdown, Austin. It will only—”
The bell from the door rang. Mason walked back in with the coffee, and I couldn’t have been more grateful for the distraction. I had no desire to continue this fucking conversation.
There wasn’t anything left for me to say. I had used my excuses all up. It was easier this way. To pretend like everything was okay rather than face the reality of what happened to our relationship since the miscarriage.
The guilt alone was too much to bear.
“Austin.” Alex stopped on her way out the door, pulling me away from my plaguing thoughts and feelings. “We all lost you once. I believe in my heart that she helped you find your way back. You need to remember that when you feel lost again.” She turned and left.
I spent the rest of the afternoon thinking of what she said. Silently praying that when I realized that.
It wouldn’t be too late.
<>Briggs<>