“I almost did, but showing up at your house felt like a breach of your privacy. I didn’t even look for you online, because I knew if I found you, I wouldn’t be able to stay away. I didn’t know what to expect, and trying to explain something so important over the phone felt like a cop-out, even though I tried to do it three years ago. Back then it was about apologizing, but I still had healing to do before I could give you a future. Now it’s about so much more. I figured here we were both on neutral ground.”
She tried to imagine what it would have been like if he’d shown up at her house, and she didn’t want to think about how she might have reacted. Her mama-bear claws would have come out for sure. A father was not something Melody should have sprung on her any more than a daughter should be sprung on Cooper. She felt like she was balancing on a teeter-totter, with her daughter on one side and Cooper on the other. She loved them both, and she had no doubt that Cooper would love Melody with his entire being, but she needed to be sure he’d never leave her behind—no matter what tragedies he faced.
“I’m glad you chose neutral ground, but I don’t know what to think. I feel everything I always did for you. I never stopped loving you, but how do I know you won’t disappear again?”
“You have my word, which I realize isn’t worth much, given our history. But I’ve dealt with probably the worst situation I could have, and I know how poorly I handled it. I won’t make that mistake again.”
Hearing that caused another fissure inside her, because it wasn’t as if he’d dropped out of contact for a flaky reason, and he’d been honest about everything. He didn’t have to tell her about the women. She probably never would have found out. But that was Cooper. He wasn’t one for keeping secrets.
Right now she was the one doing that.
“There’s no wrong way to handle grief,” she managed. She knew people handled grief in different ways, and it sounded like Cooper did the only thing he was capable of. And if she were honest with herself, she even believed he was right not to rope her into it, because if he was that devastated, he very well could have ruined what they’d had without realizing he was doing it. In his own way, he’d been protecting her.
“Maybe not,” Cooper said, “but there is a wrong way to handle relationships, and there’s no mistaking that how I treated you was wrong.” He moved closer, gathering her in his arms. “I would move heaven and earth to have a do-over and go back and figure out the right way to handle things. But that’s not something we get in this lifetime. I can only move forward knowing what not to do and try to make it up to you. I want you, Cici. I love you and I always have.”
“And the other women?” She hated that her mind went there, but it did.
“They were vices. As soon as I had my revelation, for lack of a better word, I stopped all of that. And ever since, even the thought of being with another woman turns my stomach. There’s no going back. I feel like that wasn’t even me, but I’m not trying to rationalize what I did. I take full responsibility for my actions, but I’ll never be that person again.”
She sighed, exhausted from the unrelenting emotions coursing through her.
“I still want what I wanted before.” Cooper touched her chin, bringing her eyes to his. “A life and a future with you. A family.”
“Cooper, I’m not the unencumbered woman you think I am. I have responsibilities, a life.”
“I know. I don’t want to impede your life. I want to be part of it and make it better. You had hoped to open a studio photographing kids and families. Did you ever do it?”
“You remembered?” Photographing children had always been her passion. Capturing them at their most unguarded moments brought her tremendous joy.
“I remember everything.” He smiled and squeezed her hand.
“Pictures of Innocence. That’s the name of my studio.” She couldn’t repress the proud smile that tugged at her lips. “I opened it two years ago. I connected with this great PR rep, Shea Steele. Maybe you know her? She works in LA and New York.”
He nodded. “I know Shea. She reps several of my clients.”
“She’s been really wonderful, and she connected me with lifestyle magazines, online sites, and clients galore. I’m actually moving to New York in a few weeks.”
“New York?” The excitement in his widening eyes resonated in his voice.
She nodded, still smiling, reading in his expression exactly what she was thinking. How convenient.
“It’s fate, Ceese.”
She nibbled at her lower lip, thinking about how much she loved him, how she’d refused to give up hope for the impossible. But could she afford to believe in fate where Melody was concerned?
Chapter Eight