“I never wanted you to feel like you owed me.”
“You didn’t. I’m not trying to make up for anything anymore. I’m not trying to persuade you of anything, or make up for the past. I’m doing this simply because I want you to be happy…both of you. With or without me.”
Her lip quivers and she sniffs suddenly at the last words.
“How can you afford this?”
I shrug as if it’s irrelevant.
“I have a steady job. I made a little money from those videos.” I stop myself suddenly, regretting bringing them up. But Jessie just smiles and shakes her head.
“‘A little money’?” she repeats, looking over at the rundown bungalow. “I know how overpriced this hunk of junk is, and I know how hard it is to get approved for a loan. You didn’t win the lottery, so…” She turns her head back to me and looks me up and down. “How’d you turn around and just buy it outright? Seriously, Nate, how?”
I turn to the house and take a step toward it, still looking at Jessie. She takes the hint and walks beside me as we cross the yard, her eyes still scrutinizing me for an answer.
“I was saving up to buy a house. I had the cash.”
“Nate!”
“But do you know why?” I say quickly, over her protestation. “I wanted a bigger place to take girls back to. Something impressive. Something that would boost my ego. Somewhere big enough to throw parties. And then I realized…I’m turning into my father.”
“No…you’ll never do that.”
I look at Jessie, shaking my head as we go through the gate and walk along the side of the house toward the back.
“Won’t I? A big house. Vacuous friendships. A ruined relationship. And a kid that I’ll never be a true father to.”
“Nate. Stop.”
I oblige, and stop walking to turn to her. We’re in the back yard now, in front of the big sprawling oak tree, the one with the treehouse. I look up at it, then back at her, smiling at the acknowledgment, but her face is pained and sad. I reach out and brush the tear suspended on her cheek, but she only seems to shake more at my touch. She blinks rapidly, and I take her in my arms, clutching her tightly, as if unable to do it softly, as if my body can’t afford to let her go again, even though my mind knows it’s already over.
“I love you Jessie,” I whisper into her ear. “I know it’s over. I know I’ve hurt you. I know pushing me away is probably the right thing. But I still love you. And I want you to know that I’ll always be there when you need me, either of you, no matter what happens.”
Jessie pulls herself back, just enough to look up at me. I look down at those eyes, at the face that’s become the background to my every thought, my every dream. A face that’s come to symbolize everything good and pure and right in my life. A face I’d given up on seeing this close ever again. A face I don’t deserve.
She parts her lips, and I hold on to the moment, every fiber of my being hoping that time will stop, here and now, so that I can live eternally in this final moment of pure happiness. Before she says whatever she’s going to say. Before she can tell me once again how I’ve disappointed and hurt her. Before she can explain to me so sweetly and yet so painfully why we can never be together. Before I have to walk away with the feeling that I did the right thing, but still lost somehow.
But she doesn’t. She doesn’t say anything at all. She just brings her lips to mine, and kisses me.
It’s a kiss that says more than words ever could. A kiss that seems to connect our souls as much as our bodies. At the soft, yearning push of her lips I feel all the baggage and regret crumble away from me like a cracked shell. It’s not just a kiss, it’s a gesture of love, a hint of the future. Years from now, wherever I am, and whatever I do until then, I know this’ll be the moment I remember as my best, as my most meaningful.
Our lips break apart, and I open my eyes to a world that seems like it’s in soft-focus. Small and intimate. A world that begins and ends at the lines of Jessie’s face. She smiles, and I feel like I could move mountains.
“Nate, I love you too. I want us to be together. Or, at least try.”
It takes me a moment to process her words, but what stands out most to me is the word ‘try.’ And I know I can do that – I’ve never wanted anything more. “We can make it work. I promise I won’t ever let you down again.”
Jessie laughs gently. “Don’t make that promise, Nate. Everybody makes mistakes.”
We turn and start walking back to the sidewalk, hand in hand.
“Well then, I promise I’ll try not to.”
Jessie looks at me, a lock of hair fallen against her face, the sunlight casting an ethereal tint in her eyes.
“That’s more like it.”
I glance over at her, unable to stop smiling.
“You know, I ended the whole video thing. It’s done.”
“I saw.”
“The ‘Bad Boy’ is officially dead.”