*
By the time we get up to the door, we have gained two more couples—Kim and Carol Alexander and the hunky dad with his loaded wife from curriculum night, Jean-Luc and Mary Jo Baton. I have no proof yet that he married her to get his green card, but I hope to by the end of the evening.
We all nod and smile hello; Kim rings the doorbell, which chimes out “We Three Kings.”
A twenty-something man opens the door wearing a crisp white shirt with a black bow tie and black pants.
“Merry Christmas. Welcome. May I take your coats?” he asks without a trace of a smile.
We walk into a foyer that is almost as big as my living room. The ceilings have to be sixteen feet high. There are tasteful Christmas decorations decking the halls. You know the kind: white lights and tree boughs. No blow-up Santa for the Fancys. I feel like I’ve walked onto the set of a very classy holiday movie. Or a Pottery Barn photo shoot.
We unload our outer things on the unsmiling doorman and I look for a place to put the wine I have brought. I see a table laden with colorfully wrapped wine bottles, so I add ours to the pack with a sigh.
As we walk from the foyer into the living room, another guy in a bow tie offers us champagne and says, “Be sure to stop by the library to see the jewelry.”
Ron grabs two glasses and hands me one.
“What jewelry?” he asks me.
“No idea,” I say, and swallow my drink in one gulp.
“Slow down, slugger. It’s a long night,” Ron warns me with a smile.
“Champagne has no effect on me,” I assure him. “I could drink twenty of these.”
“I know for a fact that’s not true.” Ron hands me his champagne. “But I’m going to enable you just this once, because I know you don’t really want to be here.”
We walk into a gorgeously spread-out living room with a roaring fireplace at one end and lots of comfortable seating. In the middle of the room is a large wooden table overflowing with cheeses and breads and olives and vegetables, all placed around a beautiful wreath. Again, very catalogue-like.
The living room is crowded with people I know and some I don’t, milling around taking in the general splendor of their surroundings. Yet another bow tie walks up to us with a large platter of shrimp.
“Shrimp? Have you visited the jewelry in the library?” He smiles and walks away.
“They must have some jewelry collection,” Ron notes. “I’ll bet they have security in there, too. Want to take a look?”
I nod, still chewing my shrimp.
As we wander toward what might or might not be the library, I scan the room for Peetsa and Buddy. Suddenly, I lock eyes with Dr. Evil. She looks incredibly skinny in a tight black dress with long sleeves and a high neck. Hanging from her ears are gorgeous drop earrings made of black pearls and diamonds. She is walking over to us with her husband, the dashing David, who looks every inch the master of the house in a burgundy velvet jacket and black pants.
“Jen. How great that you came. Thank you so much for organizing this party.”
Is she kidding?
“Kim, this is my husband, Ron. Ron, Kim and David are our hosts.”
The men shake hands and then David leans in to kiss me on the cheek. I’m not expecting it so it turns into an awkward kiss on the mouth.
“Oh, hi, um … We were just admiring your beautiful home.”
“Amazing what a million dollars will get you out here in the sticks, isn’t it?” She smiles with everything but her eyes.
David looks like Max does when being forced to say thank you. “Have you seen the jewelry yet?”
“No. We keep hearing about it, but we haven’t made our way to the library yet.” David nods and walks away. His attention has been drawn just over my shoulder. So has Dr. Evil’s.
I turn to see what is so interesting and am just in time to take in the impressive sight of Miss Ward showing off her curves in a slinky red dress.
Wow. This is by far the hottest outfit I have ever seen her wear. The dress is knee length and tight, with triangle sections cut out around her waist and a V going down the back. Cindy Crawford in her heyday wouldn’t have been able to pull this off. Her blond hair is long and loose around her shoulders.
“Jen, did you invite Peggy?” Dr. Evil asks me.
“No. I just sent the email to the class. Maybe one of the moms told her about it.”
“Or one of the dads.” Ron grins widely in Miss Ward’s general direction.
Dr. Evil turns a polite death glare on him.
“Did you do it, Ron?”
Ron looks at me, and I can tell he’s a little scared. His mouth says no, but only a weird squeak comes out. I feel bad for him, but I’m also secretly glad he is getting the full Fancy. I know he thinks I’m just exaggerating half the time, and of course I am, but it doesn’t mean there isn’t some truth in there. Just because they think you’re crazy, it doesn’t mean you’re nuts. Put that on my gravestone.
I grab Ron’s hand and steer him away from our hostess.
“Why would she care if Miss Ward is here?” Ron whispers.
“No idea.” I finish another glass of champagne and look for the refill bow tie.
We mill through the living room for the next hour or so, talking to parents as we go. Asami Chang is all smiles for a change. Maybe she’s enjoying the champagne, too. Ravital Brown runs up to me with her husband in tow.
“Jen, I want my husband to meet you. Rob, this is the woman who writes the crazy emails.”
Rob shakes my hand.
“Wow, you really had my wife confused that first day. I had to talk her out of calling the principal.” He smiles.
“But now I get it!” Ravital says triumphantly. “I know it’s all a joke.”
“Well, not all of it, I hope!” I laugh along with them.
I introduce them to Ron and they immediately start a conversation about their respective jobs. I tune them out and look around.
It’s an impressive turnout. The Westmans are here, and I can’t help but wonder if Jackie brought cups. I see the Elders, the Wolffes, and the Kaplans as I scan the room. I am curious whether Sasha Lewicki is here, but then, I wouldn’t know even if she were standing right in front of me, since I have never seen her.
Everyone really cleans up nicely, especially Suchafox, whom I spy across the room. He has traded in his jeans for a black suit and tie. I’m surprised when I see him making his way over to me and giving me the old once-over. I feel myself blushing from head to toe.
“You look so pretty,” he says, and kisses my cheek. Immediately I feel like I’m cheating on Ron. I don’t want him to think anything is going on, but why would he? David Fancy kissed me on the lips, and my husband didn’t even blink. My silly crush is giving me a guilty conscience.
“Hey, there. Where’s Ali?” I ask, as though she’s the one I really want to see.
He shrugs. “I guess she didn’t come.”
I grab my sixth glass of champagne from a roving bow tie and finally ask Don the question that has been burning in my mind since curriculum night.