His face is raw with emotion as though he’s been through hell since he left. The dark hair he wears slightly long—like I used to do—is desperately in need of washing. What the hell has he been doing to look like he does? His green eyes are dull where they used to spark to life the moment he looked at me.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t want to leave you.” His voice is heavy as he looks up at me with eyes pleading. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve wanted to come back to you. How much I’ve missed you. Missed talking to you or just fucking sitting watching the TV. I even bought another ticket and went to the Bruins game just for a glimpse of you because I’m broken without you. You took Ruben with you.”
I seriously don’t know what to say to him—he’s confusing the hell out of me.
“If what you say is the truth, then why? Why did you walk out on me?” I drop back in the chair, all my anger draining from me as numbness takes its place.
“I can’t explain now. I promise I will when I can.” Noah gets to his feet and, coming over to where I’m sitting, stands in front of me. “I’m coming back to Lexington with you and once I’ve seen Carla, and made sure she’s as happy as I’m hoping she is, then we’ll talk. Just give me a chance Ramon. Please. I can’t live my life without you in it anymore.”
Shaking myself out of the haze of lust that washed over me with his closeness—I’m eye level with the bulge behind his zipper—I jump to my feet, causing Noah to take a step back.
“I’ve had years to get you out of my head…and heart, so why the fuck would I let you back in when you’ve proven to me that you can’t be trusted?”
Before I can think, he has me up against the door with his aroused and angry body flush against mine. “You aren’t listening to me, as usual,” he hisses. “If I could have stayed with you, I would still be with you in Lexington. Let there be no mistake about that.”
We’re both breathing heavily, our mouths mere inches apart, and there’s no mistaking the truth behind his words.
“Why the fuck did you leave?” I whisper, wanting to shove him away, but desperate for answers.
Instead, I find my hands sliding over his hips to his ass, bringing him closer still, our hard dicks press together through denim. He reaches up, fisting my short hair, and brings his mouth close so our lips are hovering above the others.
“If I’d stayed, you’d be dead.” I barely catch the words whispered in anguish as he closes the gap between us, sealing our mouths together in a kiss that tastes of lust, passion, hunger, and most of all, home.
This can’t happen. Not now.
Pushing him away, I wipe my mouth when all I want to do is lick my lips to savor his lingering taste. I can’t let him do this to me again, and what the fuck did he mean?
“You need to either tell me what the hell you meant by that or leave. Either way, I’m not doing this again with you. I have someone else,” I blurt out.
His head whips around to stare at me. He’s trying to gauge whether or not I’m lying.
“You’ve been with someone else?” he asks, his fists clench by his side.
I nod, unable to find the words to openly lie to him. I have been taking Sylvia out and, although she wants more, I haven’t slept with her. I can’t and the reason why is standing in front of me.
“Fuck you,” he shouts, his eyes flashing with fury. “I guess all your talk about love was bullshit. How fucking long did it take after I left for you to be with someone else?”
I don’t answer, as I look everywhere to avoid his gaze.
“Fucking tell me,” he roars, getting in my face.
I shove him back.“What the hell is your problem? Have you forgotten that you left me? You…Left…Me! Without a word and for two years!Did you expect me to just pine away and wait for someone that I thought was never coming back?” I glare at him, the anger coursing through me so fast that I feel like I’m shaking.“And you didn’t answer my question about‘I’d have been dead if you’d stayed.’”
His eyes narrow and he ignores my questions.“My problem is you fucking someone else when I’ve stayed true to the man I loved. Who I thought loved me, but I guess I was wrong. Well, I’dbetter make up for lost time,” he practically spits the words at me. He’s so damn angry.
Yanking the door open, he storms out, letting it bang loudly behind him.
What the fuck does he mean make up for lost time? Is he going to find someone to fuck? Over my dead fuckin body!
I can’t get his words out of my head or the hurt that I saw in his eyes. Hehasn’t been with anyone since he walked away, like me. I keep telling myself I should be concentrating more on his comment about me being dead if he’d stayed but all I can hear ringing in my ears is that he remained true.
Noah
If Ramon can go off and fuck someone else, then after over two years of staying celibate, I sure as hell can.It’s not as though the opportunity hasn’t arisen in the past,but…fuck it all…I was, and still am, so tied up with Ramon that fucking someone else makes me want to puke.