“You’ve been in and out of consciousness since I stopped the fuckers.” He drops his head against the back of the chair with his eyes closed. “You scared the fuck out of me, Noah,” he whispers. “Seeing them...seeing you...I wanted to kill them.”
His eyes snap open and the anguish he felt, and still feels, is clear for me to see. I don’t know what to say and I stare at him for a few minutes as I try to think. Instead of digging too deeply into my feelings when I can’t do a damn thing to show him with action as well as words, I tell him what happened that night, “I was in the bar trying to drown the pain of knowing you have someone else. I’d been flirting with the bartender, hoping you’d walk in and see me.” I laugh, but there’s no mirth behind it. “Having enough to drink, I headed out. Within a minute, I was ambushed and the rest you know.” I sigh. “They must have been watching me in the bar to realize that I was gay.”
Ramon curses and sits forward. “They attacked you because you’re gay.”
A statement, not a question.
“I figured that, and hoped you’d have told me I was wrong.”
“I wish you were wrong.”
The attack three nights ago wasn’t the first time I’ve been bashed for being gay, but I hope like fuck that it’s the last. “Thank you, Ramon. For taking care of me. I don’t deserve your kindness after the way I left you . . .”
“You really would have expected me to turn my back and leave you there?” He shakes his head. “I still care for you, Noah. I wouldn’t have left anyone in that alley, least of all you. But, we once belonged to each other and, I guess, I’m still struggling to accept that we don’t anymore, otherwise, I’d have ignored you and taken you to the hospital. In fact, I nearly did take you. I was worried about internal bleeding with the mess of you that they made. After talking to Ruben, he told me to check your urine, and you should be good if there was no blood.”
“I was a mess, huh?”
“Yeah,” Ramon sighs. “I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.”
The fact that Ramon is talking to me, and still has feelings for me, fills me with hope that we will get our relationship back. I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with Ramon. I used to think that was what he wanted, but after his ‘have someone else’ comment, I’m not sure anymore. I guess I’m so easily forgotten. Hell, what can I expect? I left him two years ago.
“Noah, will you tell me what you meant by your comment about my life...or death?”
I chance a glance over at him, and find Ramon sitting forward with his hands clamped together.
I can’t go there, not yet. “I’m not ready,” I whisper.
Ramon narrows his eyes before his jaw tightens in anger. He stands, gives me a glare that makes my heart drop and then walks out of the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.
Fucking hell!
Rubbing at my temples, I curse the whole situation…the one I found myself in over two years ago…the same one that is still fucking with my life. My sister’s bastard of an ex started it all. I just thank God Carla didn’t marry the fucker.
When they’d first gotten together, Gary had seemed like a decent guy and he was really into Carla. Then he got himself involved with the wrong crowd and something inside him seemed to snap. Drugs do that to a person.
Carla was scared and had no one else to talk to so she came to me. I’ll never begrudge her that. I’ve taken care of her since she was a teenager, and we lost our parents in a house fire.
Maybe it was the loss that brought us closer, but I always looked out for her. And no one frightens my sister, especially in the way Gary had. With that in mind, I kept everything to myself and went to a friend of mine on the drug squad. And then my world flew apart and the trouble followed me to Lexington. My one decision to help my sister resulted in a death threat against Ramon. I’d ruined their lives and business so they’d set out to ruin me. They nearly succeeded as well.
Thanks to the fucker behind the whole threat being a careless bastard and killing himself with a drug overdose, I became free to head back to my guy.
All I have to do is convince Ramon that I’m worth a second chance, and that the person he’s with means nothing to him—he has to believe that. It will kill me if Ramon won’t let them go for me. It kills me thinking about him making love to anyone who isn’t me.
Shifting, I groan at the ache in my body. I can tell that I’m healing but three days in bed has created new aches that probably weren’t there after the beating. I need to move and get my battered carcass into the shower because I’m so damn tired of thinking.
Ramon
It’s annoying the hell out of me that Noah refuses to talk to me. Refusing to tell me what he meant with his words the other night. I hate not knowing about something that involves me, especially when it was serious enough to have Noah leave me.