The scrimmage began as expected, and I quickly learned the Diamond Girls were a sort of quasi-cheering section for the baseball team. They had chants for every moment of the game: between innings, when the other team went up to bat, and when their designated player made a play. Sometimes they'd chant while sitting down, but most of the time they all stood to do a little cheer and the crowd would join them.
The entire time, I fidgeted in my seat, feeling so horribly out of place that I wished I could have disappeared. I tried to concentrate on the game as best as I could. Chase was playing well, striking out player after player as the innings proceeded, but the pit in my stomach still grew, demanding to be felt.
“What are you doing after the game?” Kimberly asked after she and the Diamond Girls had wrapped up one particularly loud chant. I could feel her studying me, but I kept my eyes on the field.
“Oh, um, my dad said something about getting pizza.”
I could see her smile out of the corner of my eyes. “Cool. I think we're going to go grab food with the team and then hang out somewhere after. Do you want me to text you wherever we end up?”
A normal, well-adjusted teenager would have said yes, but I didn't feel like hanging out with the Diamond Girls and the rest of the baseball team. I could picture myself sitting off to the side, feeling awkward and out of place. I appreciated her wanting to include me, but it just felt forced.
That's when I finally realized I didn't really fit in anywhere at my high school, not with the stoners, and not with the popular kids. My hiatus in Austin had succeeded in separating me from everyone. I was a complete loner.
“It's okay,” I told her. “I woke up really early so I'll probably crash tonight.”
Just as I finished explaining my lame excuse, my phone rang in my purse. I felt the vibration against my leg as I bent down to retrieve it. Ashley's name flashed across the screen and my gut clenched. She and I hadn't talked since the day before in the hallway.
I motioned to Kimberly that I was going to take the call and then walked down beneath the bleachers so I could talk without the noise from the crowd.
“Hey Ashley,” I answered when I'd rounded the corner behind the restrooms.
“Wow, I'm surprised you even answered. I thought you only accepted phone calls from the chosen ones these days.”
I assumed she was being icy because I hadn’t called her the day before like I’d said I would.
“Whatever.”
“What are you doing now? Want to come over to Trent’s with me?”
My stomach rolled at the idea.
“I'm at a baseball game.”
“Wait, wait. You're at the Blackwater baseball game right now? I thought you said you were going to lay low at your house this weekend?” Judgment dripped from every syllable. “Wow, I guess living with Chase really is changing you.”
Something in her tone snapped a cord within me. I had let Ashley treat me like crap for the last two weeks and I’d brushed it off. I’d never really considered her a friend anyway, but she knew nothing about my life or why I made the decisions that I did. She knew nothing about my mom's death or my family’s problems.
“I wanted to watch one of my dad's games before I graduate. You don’t get to be rude to me because of it. Y’know, I thought I needed a friend to get through high school, but I'd rather be on my own than waste my time with people that are going to judge me for every little thing I do.”
I exhaled a deep breath and realized I'd said much more than I had planned to.
“Wow, okay then, Miss Independent. Did that feel good?” she laughed.
I expected her to blow up on me or at the very least hang up, so her laughter surprised me.
“Yes.” I smiled. “It did.”
“I just wish you were coming,” she began. “I know we don't have a ton in common, but this is a tiny town and options for friends are pretty limited.”
I laughed at how blunt she was being. It was true that we were technically friends by default, but to say it out loud felt taboo.
“Let's hang out soon then. Maybe we can go see a movie,” I answered, waving a white flag.
“Sounds good. I'll talk to you later.”
I hung up the phone, feeling oddly lighter as I stepped back up toward the ramp. Clumps of people were filing down with their stadium chairs and trash in hand. The scrimmage must have ended while I was on the phone and I hadn't even realized. I fought against the flow of people to get back up to the bleachers. When I crested the top, I glanced over at the scoreboard. We'd won 14-4.
I turned toward the field. My dad was talking to the coach from the other school out on the pitcher's mound. The Blackwater team was lined up single file against the metal railing of the bleachers with the Diamond Girls lined up in front of them. Each Diamond Girl was in front of her designated player and when I saw Chase smiling up at Kimberly, I felt a punch to my gut. Kimberly bent down to talk to him over the noise of the stadium and I stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do.
Watching them together scraped at every one of my insecurities. They were quite the pair, the golden boy and the diamond girl. Their children would be royalty in this tiny town and I wanted to throw up.