I lie with Joss on his bed, gripping his fingers and listening to his slow and steady heartbeat, terrified it might stop. His hand warms in mine as the minutes pass, and my heart slows as exhaustion replaces the adrenaline. I curl myself around Joss, wishing I could burrow into his soul and pull him out of wherever he is. He's alive, but he's lost somewhere. Is he in the place he told me about, the one from his visions?
The bedroom curtains are open and the night now blankets the countryside surrounding the house and intrudes through the window. Shadows are cast across the room from the tree outside, and I shudder at the memory of the wraithlike figure.
I doze. At one point I hear Ewan's motorbike but don't wake fully until I'm aware of Joss's arms around me. Warm, strong. Shifting from his arms, I touch Joss's face. He's my Joss now—cheeks no longer sunken and colour in his face. I kiss the lips no longer blue and hold my mouth there for a few seconds, desperate to give him my affection and love.
I move away and stroke his face. "Are you okay?"
"Kind of. Feeling like Death."
I push myself up on one elbow in panic. "You feel like you're going to die again?"
His mouth tips into the Joss smile I've missed recently, and the shadows of my day finally break. "Nah, like Death: lost in my thoughts and a bit emo." I poke him. "And what do you mean 'die again'?"
"You weren't just sleeping, Joss."
"Oh? But I was dreaming." He bites his lip. "I think. Did anybody see the demon this time? Was I imagining it?"
Joss's brow tugs deep as I describe what I saw. "The guys think it was a wraith or something. Where did it come from? Did you see it attack you?"
"I saw shadows. Sometimes wraiths attach themselves to people, but I should've sensed if that’s what happened. Did you kill it?"
I scrunch up my face. "No. Sorry."
"All good." He kisses my nose. "They're hard to kill anyway. I expect the guys got him."
I can't tell him they never found the creature or know exactly what it was.
"I think it was with you for a couple of days, Joss."
"Maybe. I wasn't feeling good."
"That's an understatement. Are you okay now? You don't feel distant again?"
"No." I feel like he wants to say more but stops himself. This isn't the time for questions, but for solace and to share the emotions I have for him. The ones I swore I wanted to lose.
Whoever or whatever did this to Joss did us all a favour, because however horrific the last few hours were, I know I could never stop loving and caring for this man—or any of them.
I snuggle my head into the crook of Joss's neck and place my lips on his skin. "You scared me, Joss. I'm glad you're okay."
"I'm bloody hungry. Tell Xander he has to cook me something." Joss's warm breath tickles my hair as he chuckles, stepping further to his old self and away from the one over the last few days.
"I'll make you something."
Joss reaches out to me when I stand to leave and holds out a hand. He grips my fingers and, although he smiles, the haunted look in Joss's eyes follows me from the room.
Ewan, Heath, and Xander are all in the house, but not together.
Bad sign.
I pass Joss's study, and through the open door can see Ewan at the dark, wooden desk. Should I talk to him about what happened between us earlier? The events since put things into perspective for me, did they for him?
My stomach flutters as I watch him. In just a black T-shirt, his tattooed arms are visible and the sleeve stretches tightly across the bicep inked with vibrant patterns and pictures I've never seen long enough to figure out. One day, I want to explore them with my fingers as we cuddle. My heart twinges. Whatever else I want from him, his affection is one.
I love the way Ewan sometimes mouths what he's reading onscreen, or the peace he seems to get from spending time away from us in his own world. I surge with the need from before, but also remember the hurt caused by his words.
As if sensing me, Ewan turns his head. I expect him to glance away again, but I'm the one who can't hold our mutual, confused look.
"How's Joss, Vee?" Heath walks from the kitchen. "I heard someone come downstairs and wasn't sure who."
I break my gaze at Ewan. "He's okay. Tired and hungry. How are you?"
"Okay. Tired. I think helping Joss took it out of me."
I play my fingers across his lined face. Exhaustion has crept up on him over the recent days, and resurrecting Joss has intensified the dark circles building beneath his eyes. "You should rest."
"Yeah." He holds up a beer and winks.
I give a wry smile. "I said I'd make Joss something to eat. Are you hungry too?"
Heath follows me as I walk into the kitchen and hovers next to me as I open the fridge. Beer. A loaf of bread. Milk. I guess chasing assassins and demonic forces doesn't leave much time for grocery shopping.
"I'll order pizza then?" says Heath from behind.
I search the cupboards too and manage to locate a half-eaten packet of chocolate biscuits. I push one into my mouth, just to make sure they're fresh, of course.
"Where are Xander and Seth?" I ask through mouthfuls.
Heath leans against the counter next to me. "Xander went for a walk, and Seth's in the lounge, avoiding us as usual."
"If he’s brought some gear from his place to our place, Seth's accepting he'll stay around," I suggest. "That's a good thing."
Heath drinks and then wrinkles his nose. "I suppose."
"You don't trust him either."
"Come on, Vee. How do you expect us to? He's bloody weird, and I don't understand how he found a lot of his info. And what about the passports his friends had but not him? Something's off."
I admit I wondered about this, but with everything happening, I haven't asked him. I will. "He's helping, that's the main thing, Heath."
"Hmm." Heath strokes my hair. "Forget him. Tell me how you're feeling. That must've freaked you out before."
"What bothered me the most was I couldn't do anything. Why couldn't I? I thought I had your powers now."
"Yeah." Heath drains his bottle and sets it on the table. "I think that one takes time to develop. It takes a lot more from me than zapping people. Perhaps you're not magically strong enough yet?"
"You know the truth here, Heath. You said it yourself. This comes down to me 'assimilating' as you put it." I pause. "I suppose Ewan told you what happened between us before."
"Kind of." I roll my eyes at his evasive comment. "I don't know the answer, Vee. None of us do."
I suck on my teeth. Seth isn't the only one the guys don't fully trust here, and that hurts. Yes, I don't know what will happen if I have sex with Ewan, but I can't imagine I could stop caring for the guys. The bond wouldn't break; it would strengthen.
Wouldn't it?