“What?”
“She saw it in a pawn shop. I asked her what she wanted for her birthday. She said she wanted that ring. I had no idea she – ” He chuckles, shaking his head. “I had no idea she wanted to give it to you. I thought she just started liking jewelry all of a sudden.”
“She gave her birthday gift….to me?” I whisper. He laughs.
“I told you. Self-sacrificing to a fault.”
I’m quiet. I rub the ring slowly, feeling its every curve.
“I came out here,” Mr. Cruz starts. “To do some thinking. It’s hard, sometimes, to think when you’re trapped in a room. In a house. Seeing the sky always used to help me. So I figured I’d go where I could see a lot of it. And this little playground holds a lot of good memories. It helped me get clarity.”
“Clarity for what?” I ask. He turns to me, suddenly deadly serious.
“I’m going back to my sister’s. For a while. Until I can get a handle on this monster inside me. She knows someone who will work with me for a reduced price. And the distance – I think Bee’s mother and Bee have earned a break from me.”
“Mr. Cruz, I don’t think that –”
“You have to promise me,” He continues, eyes boring into mine. “You have to promise me you’ll see to it that Bee’s happy while I’m gone.”
“Sir –”
“Oh, it’s sir now?” He laughs. “You never bothered with that before.”
I’m quiet, struggling for words. He sighs.
“She likes you, you know.”
My head snaps up. “What?”
“I’m her father. I can see it plain as day. She used to only like boy bands. Fantasy book princes. She’d stare at these big old posters she had of them on her walls all the time with this goofy look on her face.” He chuckles. “I still remember the first concert I took her to. She lit up when they walked on stage.”
He pokes me in the chest. “But you? She looks at you, and she glows. Doesn’t light up all bright and ecstatic and off-the-wall. None of that obsession stuff. She just…looks more alive, when she sees you. She looks more like my little girl, the one who wasn’t so worried all the time. The one who used to smile like she meant it.”
“I –”
“Do you love her?” He asks. He uses words, but it feels like he just physically punched me in the chest. I struggle for air.
“Yes. Ever since – ever since I read her essay.”
“Essay?” He quirks a brow.
“She wrote one, to get into Lakecrest. I – I kept it. Read it over and over. She writes very well.”
“Of course she does.” He points at himself. “Got it from me. But what was so special about that essay? Why did you like it so much?”
“I didn’t like it,” I correct. “I liked the person who wrote it.”
“Why?”
“Because –” I clear my throat. “Because it made me feel not alone. It made me feel like there was someone out there who could understand me, who was like me. And then I met her, face-to-face, and I – and since then I –”
He’s watching me. I stare at the sunset, squaring my shoulders for strength and spinning my wolf ring.
“I tried to get her expelled,” I say. “Because I thought I knew her better than she knew herself. I knew from the essay she wanted to write, to go to Sarah Lawrence. I couldn’t stand watching her go to a school she didn’t like, forcing herself to study just to take on a burden that was too big for her.”
“Part of that is my fault,” Mr. Cruz said softly.
“It’s no one’s fault,” I say. “Bee just decided to make it all hers.”
He’s quiet, folding his hands on his lap. I fiddle with one of my rings.
“It was wrong of me, to try to get her expelled. She suffered for it. And that’s the exact opposite of what I wanted to happen.”
Mr. Cruz shakes his head. “And yet here you are, helping her find her father. Why is that, exactly? What does Bee mean to you?”
“She…helped me work through my past when I thought no one else would ever bother. She never once ran away, no matter how difficult I was or how dark my problems were. She’s very gentle. When she laughs it’s like…like all the thoughts in my head just get blown away, and all I want to do is make her laugh again.”
I spin the wolf ring faster.
“I want to protect her. I want to show her a world where she doesn’t have to carry everything on her shoulders. She’ll keep trying to carry everything. But I want to help her hold it up, if I can. I want – I want to help her. I want her to do what she loves, for herself, instead of everyone else. I want her to enjoy her own life.”
I can’t look at him, my eyes fixated on the sunset.
“We aren’t - your daughter and I aren’t on the best of terms, anymore.” I manage. “Not that we ever were. So if you leave, I can’t promise you that I’ll make her happy. I can’t promise you that, but I can promise you I’ll always watch out for her. I’ll always be here if she needs something, or someone, to help her. I –”
My chest caves in on itself, the pain shooting through my ribs.
“ - I’ll do everything I can for her. And maybe, maybe there’ll be a day where she finds someone else that makes her happy. But until then – until then I’ll be here.”
There’s a long quiet. I try to breathe, evenly, like it will disguise the fact I’m in pain. I mean every word of what I’m saying, but something deep inside me is recoiling, crying out.
I don’t just want to watch over her until she finds someone to love her.
I want to be that someone.
“What do you think, Bee?” Mr. Cruz asks lightly. “About all this?”
My heart jumps into the base of my throat. I turn to see Bee standing there, panting, her hair wild and her eyes watering. Her expression is torn. Mr. Cruz stands, and she runs to him, wrapping her arms around him.
“I w-was so worried –” She stammers, muffled by his shirt. He hugs her back.
“I know. I’m sorry, sweetpea. I should’ve left a note at the very least, but I know you. I know you would’ve ignored it and worried until you had to come find me.”