Flat green eyes. Pale skin covered in blood. Red and blue flashing lights. There was no air. Only burning lungs, an aching body, and pain.
All-consuming pain.
Inside. Outside. Everywhere. Unforgiving. God, please, just grant an ounce of relief. Something. Anything.
Gasping breaths. Warm hands. A firm grip and a voice laced with panic. Fear. It gripped tighter. Unforgiving.
Floating.
Just as the world started to fade to black, the scent of lavender filled the air. Purple and soft, comforting. Relaxing. Everything was purple. Everything was beautiful, whole. Yellow sun, silver skies.
Chloe.
Chloe.
Chloe.
“Reid?!” The sound of Jess’s panicked voice lifted the fog of sleep from Reid’s subconscious. “Reid, please wake up!”
He blinked and tried to make out her form in the dark room. Sweat trickled down the sides of his face as a chill racked his body. “Jess?” His voice was hoarse and laced with confusion.
“God, baby. You scared the shit out of me. Are you okay?”
“What happened?”
Jess laid her head on his chest and clung to his shirt. “You were having a nightmare. I tried to wake you, but you just kept thrashing. I didn’t know what to do,” she choked, her tears leaking onto the already soaked cotton of his T-shirt.
He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. With a deep breath, he pressed a kiss against her forehead and exhaled. “I’m sorry. I have nightmares.”
“I know,” Jess responded before falling quiet. Silence settled around them as she turned on her side and pulled the covers tight around her shoulders. Just as Reid began to drift off to sleep once more, Jess spoke. Her words were garbled and meant for no one, but Reid heard them as if she’d screamed at the top of her lungs. “You’ve just never called for anyone named Chloe.”
Long after Jess fell asleep, Reid lay awake. Guilt chipped away at him. It seemed to be all he felt lately. Guilt for hurting Jess. Guilt for missing Chloe even though he was with her every day. Guilt for the tension that weighed on the group. He couldn’t seem to do right by anyone, and he had no idea how to fix it.
That wasn’t true. He knew how to fix it; he just wasn’t sure he could.
Almost two weeks had passed since Jess surprised him in Paris. Since he’d boarded the flight from LA to Dublin four months ago, that was all he’d wanted. But now that she was here, nothing felt right. Chloe had distanced herself, and Greer wasted no time keeping her occupied. He should have been happy, grateful even, for the opportunity to spend some quality time with Jess. He felt none of those things.
He stared at her sleeping form. Her soft, black hair fanned around her face, the contrast making her sun-kissed skin seem to glow. He counted each breath she took, his eyes moving across the pout of her parted lips as she exhaled softly. She was so beautiful. It hurt to look at her sometimes. Skimming the back of his hand across her cheek, he let his eyes fall shut.
When she’d told him to go to hell all those years ago, he never once imagined they’d be where they were now. He’d been young and stupid and lost the one person he loved most. Now, she was back. After all the mistakes he’d made, all the wrong he’d done, she’d given him another chance. In return, she only asked for one thing.
Please don’t break my heart again.
The words were so clear, if he wasn’t looking at her, he’d swear she said them. Reid fell heavily against the pillow and threw his arm over his face. His mind raced as he tried to reason with the turmoil brewing inside him. Jess was everything he wanted. So why couldn’t he stop thinking about Chloe? Why was she infiltrating his dreams? He tried to think logically, listing reasons like their connection to music and their close proximity over the last few months.
The problem was, the moment Jess arrived, all thoughts of Chloe should have melted away. That was how things had always been. Jess had a way of making him forget the world with just a smile. She knew him inside and out. She understood him. She loved him and he loved her. That was enough. It had to be enough. Because the alternative would be the one thing he promised to never do again and that wasn’t an option at all.
When the first traces of dawn filtered through the bus’s dark tinted windows and Jess began to stir, Reid rolled to his side and closed his eyes. He couldn’t face her, not yet. He needed a little time to get his shit together. That’s all he needed. Just a little time.