“Exactly,” she snapped, pointing a finger in his face. He’d never seen her so angry, so damned hurt. He wished he could do something, but she had him dead to rights. He couldn’t exactly lie, could he?
“Do you know what this could do to the kids?” she asked, tears starting to fall. He dared not reach for her. He felt as lost as he ever had. And fuck if he didn’t want Landon right then. Which made him close his eyes and sigh.
“I don’t understand, Beths. You think this is hard for you? Imagine me? I didn’t know something about myself that was this important.”
“Your mama knew. She was always telling me to be a better wife, to buck up and not worry you so much.”
Jay couldn’t help barking a bitter laugh. “Funny, she said that same shit to me. And you know what? It made me learn to never worry anyone with anything; to keep people from worrying about me, I just shut it down.”
“Well, I’m so glad you’re finally letting it all out,” she snarked.
Jay deflated. He remembered his counselor saying if he intended to have this conversation, it’d be worse if done during an argument. But how could he fix that if that’d been how the whole damn conversation started? He didn’t know why the world had gone mad all of a sudden, but he wished Lynne Fucking Sutherland had kept her goddamned mouth shut.
“This is not the Jay I know.”
He looked at her, sadly. “And this isn’t the Bethany I know. You’re my friend, the one I’ve known forever. You don’t do shit like this.”
“And you don’t fuck men!”
“Bethany!”
Before the argument could go any further, headlights shone through the front windows. Jay looked at Bethany steadily. “Do we do this in front of them? Do you tell them for me or do I get a chance to speak to them?”
“You’re going to tell them?”
“Won’t they wonder, Beths? Won’t they want to know why you suddenly don’t want them in my life?” His voice shook on the last word and she paused. She sobbed, clenching her fist.
“Jay, I don’t know what to do here. But I promise, I can’t let this stand.” The fear that struck in Jay’s heart at that moment, at the anger and recrimination in her voice. He hurt, deep down. He knew she was surprised. He supposed he was still getting used to the idea of being into men, regardless of what that made him, so she had the right to freak out. But this was making his head hurt and his heart ache.
“I’m going to bed. I’ll stay here tonight and let you say your peace, but tomorrow, I’m leaving with my kids.”
He wanted to toss her out, lock her out. She couldn’t do this. How could the first time he’d felt right in his whole life be about to cost him so damn much?
The kids came in, thankfully laughing. Jay looked up to where their mother had disappeared upstairs. There was no way they could miss his too bright eyes or his heated face. “Are you two fighting again?” Millie’s face clouded. God, but he hated making so many people he loved unhappy in less than one horrible hour.
Jay couldn’t stand it anymore, and collapsed in the recliner. “Sit down, guys. We need to talk.”
Chapter 18
Millie’s stormy expression was so unusual. Of the whole family, she was always sunshine and light. He couldn’t believe he was having this conversation, but at the same time, he felt oddly ready to just get it off his chest—at least to these two people, the ones who meant the most to him in the world.
He’d do whatever he could to make them happy, to keep them healthy. If that meant leaving with their mother in the morning, what could he say? They lived in Mississippi. Montgomery County, at that. Mothers always got the kids, it was just a fact. And that he had admitted to being with a man, he didn’t even know the implications. He’d been in a homosexual relationship for five whole minutes, so he hadn’t quite wrapped his head around the new politics that would come with that life.
“I’m going to have a conversation with you guys that you might not like.”