No. No fucking way. I’m losing my damn mind. Jay had to swallow again to get words out, wondering why in the hell he was hard for a man, why he wanted so badly to wrap his arms around a man.
“Yeah. I’m fine,” Jay croaked. “Think I need a break.”
It had to just be residual effects of seeing his ex and having not gotten laid in so damn long. Right? He wasn’t a teenager by any means, but men had needs, and eventually, they started making a man act a fool.
“Want me to go grab a beer?” Landon asked. Jay, grateful for a moment to get his shit together, sent Landon off to do just that.
He made his way to one of the rocking chairs on his front porch, trying to get his racing heart under control, but failed because again, he felt a strange warmth from Landon feeling at home in his house, Landon being so… domestic.
“Here you go,” Landon said, passing Jay a beer. Jay took it and chugged, happy not to have to talk for a minute.
“Damn, it’s hot for November,” Landon complained.
You have no idea. “Sure is. At this rate, it’ll still be in the 80s at Christmas.” He could talk about the weather. The weather was safe.
Landon didn’t respond, just sat sipping his own beer. Jay should have known that wouldn’t last. “You okay? You get too hot? Need water instead?”
Lord, no. He needed another beer, not to sober up. “Naw, I’m good.”
He glanced at Landon from the side of his eye, and Landon’s expression held a hint of concern. Jay sipped his beer again, then sighed. “I think maybe seeing my ex for the first time in a long while messed with my head a little.” No kidding.
Landon let out a sympathetic hiss. “Yeah, man, I can see that. Not that I’ve ever been divorced. Hell, never been with someone quite so long as y’all, either.”
“Almost twenty years, altogether.”
“Damn, man. I split up with someone after a year and that… that was hard, even though it was what we both wanted in the end. I can’t imagine all that time, with legalities and kids involved to boot.”
Maybe that was it. Maybe he was still just so flustered from everything. He sure as hell wasn’t queer. Couldn’t be.
“It takes it out of you.” They sat silently, Jay trying desperately to keep his tired brain from firing back up.
Landon put a hand on Jay’s arm. Jay’s head jerked to the side, and he felt his nostrils flaring. Landon immediately retracted his hand, looking sheepish. Now Jay felt like a grade-A dickhead. “Sorry. I think I’m just tired. Not much for company, you know?”
Landon nodded. “Yeah. Sorry, man. I’ll get out of your hair.” Landon rose from his chair and pulled his shirt on, but didn’t button it up. Jay had to struggle not to lick his lips at the sight of the man’s chest peeking out.
“No, I’m sorry,” he managed to get out. “Thanks for your help.”
“Any time. I mean it. I got most of that done. We can finish up before the fish fry tomorrow if you want.”
“No, that’s okay. It won’t take me long. I’ll get out in the early morning and handle that last bit. You got most of it done anyway.”
Landon’s brows were still furrowed in concern. “You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, yeah. Just tired. I’ll probably shower and turn in.”
Landon studied him another minute with that easy grin of his that made Jay’s fingers and toes tingle. Please. Just go. He’d almost beg.
“Jay, if you need anything, just call me, okay? I know we don’t know each other all that well or anything, but… if you need someone to talk to.” The sincerity in Landon’s voice, in his eyes, made Jay only capable of grunting and nodding. He put on his best dad smile, the one he used when the kids didn’t need to know he was stressed.