She tilted her head, so Grace-like, and paused before a small smile peeked through. “I meant what I said, Gray. You’ve grown into a good man. None of this is your fault. None of it.”
She left for her appointment, and I turned my attention to Grace, pulling my chair closer so I could hold her hand while she slept. Her fingers were so slender, long to match the rest of her dancer’s body. Well, the body that had once danced.
It didn’t matter what anyone else said. I knew the truth.
I’d done this to her.
Sam still wasn’t answering my calls. I gripped my cell phone so tight I thought it might crack and rested my forehead against the wall in the hospital hallway. I was ripping in two, half of me here with Grace, where I was obligated to be, and the other at Fort Rucker, where I needed to be.
I touched the icon next to Josh’s name, and it started to ring.
“Man, I have no clue what the hell you were thinking, but you’ve had me cock-blocked all weekend.”
“How is she?” Damn, was that my voice or a frog?
“My girlfriend? She hasn’t had nearly enough sex due to the insane ice-cream mope-fest your girlfriend is putting her through. Or wait, are you in North Carolina with your other girlfriend? Does kissing the hell out of your roommate make her your girlfriend? I’m all sorts of confused.” His voice was about as subtle as a razor blade.
What the hell was Sam? My girlfriend? My friend? My roommate? Fuck. I wanted her, that much was pretty self-evident by the raging hard-on I got the minute we breathed the same air. But it wasn’t just sexual. I admired her strength, her courage, the way she stood up after she got knocked down. Hell, I even liked the way she had an impetuous streak…as long as she kept her ass off the bar. But saying she was my girlfriend was a commitment, and how could I make that kind of statement when I was still committed to Grace?
“Masters?”
“Yeah.”
“Is it true? Do you have a girlfriend there?” His voice dropped just beneath hostile.
Shouldn’t there have been an audible boom, or something else to signify my worlds crashing together? Shit. I needed advice.
“Have you ever kept something from Ember? Something you knew wasn’t deliberately to hurt her, but could just…wreck everything?” I had officially turned into one of those drunk frat boys at one a.m. telling everyone he loved them.
Josh went quiet for a breath. “Yeah. I have. Jagger has, too, and we both almost lost the women we love because of it. All I can say is learn from us and don’t wait until it’s almost too late. We both fucked that one up. Whatever’s going on, you have to put your cards on the table with Sam. She’s been through too much shit for you to pile yours on, too. Lay it all out, and then let her decide if she wants to put up with your ass.”
“It’s just…really complicated.” And that didn’t begin to cover the half of it.
“It always is, otherwise we wouldn’t keep it from them, right? Besides, weren’t you the one dishing out the same advice to Jagger not too long ago?”
“Yeah, well, it’s a hell of a lot harder to get perspective when you’re in the middle of it.”
Josh laughed. “Yeah, the view is a hell of a lot clearer from that really tall horse you like to ride.”
I scoffed. “Kiss my ass.” A nurse waived to me, signaling that they’d finished running this round of tests. “I have to go, but I’ll be home around five.”
“Sounds good. Sam works this afternoon, so don’t be surprised if she’s not here when you get back.”
“Thanks for the heads-up.” At least he was still looking out for me. Hopefully they weren’t waiting with pitchforks and torches when I got back. I’d done some serious damage to Sam, and she’d been their friend a hell of a lot longer than I had. We hung up, and I headed back into Grace’s room. I only had another hour or so before I had to leave for the airport.