Before I Knew (The Cabots #1)

“That’s not why I came.” Not exactly, anyway.

“If this is about my ‘loser’ boyfriend, don’t start. If you need to report back to Dad that you talked to me, go ahead. I’ll pretend I’m thinking seriously about what you said.” Gentry leaned her head back and closed her eyes, dismissing Colby.

Perhaps a few confessions of her own might help Colby sneak past Gentry’s armor. “Alec and I have decided to date.”

Gentry shot up, water sluicing everywhere, brilliant green eyes wide and sparkling with mischief. She raised her copper mug in the air before taking a gulp and said, “To Colby Cabot-Baxter breaking a rule.”

“Ha-ha,” Colby smirked, although her sister’s silliness could be infectious at times.

“I knew you liked him the second you snapped at me for saying he was hot.” Gentry broke into a shit-eating grin before drinking more of her cocktail. “You’ve always sucked at hiding things.”

“That’s not true.” The words escaped before she’d thought better of them.

“Oh, please. Your face is an open book.” Gentry set the empty cup down and wiggled her eyebrows. “Easier to read than comic strips.”

The dismissive tone grated.

“Gentry, trust me.” Colby leaned forward, holding her sister’s smug gaze. “I’ve hidden a lot from people.”

Gentry swam across the hot tub and rested her chin on her hands along the edge near Colby’s feet. “Cheat on a high school paper? Double-bill a client once? Shoplift a candy bar?”

“No!” Colby laughed. “I said I keep secrets, not commit crimes.”

“Well, spit it out. You can’t make that claim without offering proof.” Gentry flicked some water at Colby’s legs, causing Colby to scoot back.

Bonding would require her to be vulnerable. To take another leap she’d been resisting. If she could save her sister heartache down the road, it’d be worth it. And if she wanted to be convincing, she might as well drop a bombshell. “I had a troubled marriage. Now I’m not sure I know how to have a healthy relationship.”

Gentry’s face sobered. She pushed away from the wall and latched on to the other side of the hot tub, putting distance between them. Apparently, her sister was equally uncomfortable with intimacy. “Troubled?”

“Yes.”

“You and Mark were always affectionate.” Gentry’s distrustful gaze narrowed. “He bragged about you all the time.”

“In front of others, yes. But in private, we had problems. Big ones. I even consulted a divorce attorney.”

Colby could practically see the cogs spinning in Gentry’s head. “Because of the stupid dare with Joe?”

“No, because Mark . . .”

Gentry waited. “Mark what?”

Colby glanced at her wedding band, still unused to its new home on her right hand.

“Cheated.” A true, if incomplete, explanation. One that allowed the conversation to continue without sharing Mark’s diagnosis and inviting dozens more questions. “He made me wary, and lonely.”

Gentry grew very quiet and then sank beneath the water. When she came back up for air, she asked, “Did you ever tell anyone else?”

“Never.”

“Why not?”

Good question, Colby thought. “I didn’t want the family to turn on him in case we worked it out.”

“What’s to work out?” Gentry’s derision smacked Colby upside the head. “I’d never put up with someone cheating on me.”

Colby’s first instinct was to get angry at her sister’s insensitive comment. But Colby would’ve thought the same thing before her marriage to Mark. Youthful ideals are easy to believe until you’re faced with tough choices involving love, disappointment, and commitment. “You’d be surprised what you might forgive under a given set of circumstances.”

“Were you fighting about divorce when he . . . you know.” She mimicked a dive, which shocked Colby into holding her breath for a second.

“No!” Breathe.

The haunting look Mark had given her over his shoulder just before he took flight surfaced, but Colby shook her head before the rest of the memory formed.

She fell speechless, having not expected this turn of conversation. The tight band of pain cinching her chest would be worth it if this discussion helped Gentry to be more thoughtful about her relationships. Now she’d have to navigate from Mark to Jake without Gentry clamming up.

“Joe’s death—the dare—drove Mark into a serious depression. The fact I was thinking of leaving him probably amplified his hopelessness. He acted so suddenly—no note—so I’ll never know for sure what he was thinking.” A flickering image of his forlorn gaze resurfaced. “It haunts me. It always will.”

“That sucks.” Gentry looked down at the water bubbling around her body, lost in her own thoughts. “No wonder you checked out around here for a while. So why tell me this now?”

“Because you’re my sister. We can’t get back all the years our mothers didn’t foster our relationship in the past, but we can start now. Talk about things sisters discuss, like boyfriends.” Colby intentionally lightened her tone now, getting to the heart of the matter. “Like Alec and Jake. Tell me about Jake.”

“What’s to tell?” Gentry shrugged one shoulder. “You’ve met him. He’s sexy and I’m having fun, like I told you before.”

“So he’s fun?” Colby leaned forward. “In what way? I haven’t heard him say much.”

“He’s better at using his mouth for other things,” Gentry snickered, taking obvious pleasure in shocking Colby.

“I’m serious.” No wonder their dad was exasperated.

“So am I!” Gentry laughed. “What’s the big deal?”

“I guess I worry that he might be using you to drum up business and to buy him stuff.”

“That’s okay, ’cause I’m using him for sex.” The casual remark rolled off her tongue as easily as “please” and “thank you.”

“Gentry!”

“Listen, I appreciate the sisterly-love thing you’re going for here, but you really don’t need to worry about someone taking advantage of me.” Under her breath, she added, “I’m not you.”

As if anyone would confuse them. “That sounds like an insult.”

“It’s not . . . but you did rush into a marriage with a guy you’d only known a few months, which I’d never do. And you have to admit you’ve let people like your mom manipulate you a lot. I’m not interested in smoothing things over and avoiding conflict. I look out for myself ’cause no one else does.”

Colby gestured around the mansion and pool area, galled. “Says the girl who’s living in this place free and clear.”

Gentry’s emerald eyes looked fathomless and pitying. “Did your money and pretty condo make Mark look out for you?”

Another shrill pop song frayed Colby’s nerves while she collected her thoughts. She stared at her sister—who sat amid the steam still billowing into the sky—unable to respond.

“No?” Gentry gloated in the face of Colby’s silence. “Didn’t think so.”

Colby wanted to knock that chip off Gentry’s shoulder more than she needed to defend herself, so she kept calm. “Why are you attacking me?”

“Because you’re judging me.”

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