Before I Ever Met You

But more than any of that, I was drowning in hatred in the years after. Because of guilt. Because of thoughts of being free, thoughts that shamed me. I hated myself for it and I became a bitter, bitter man.

Then Veronica showed up at my door, at the place Juliet and I created, and I knew that everything was going to change. I can’t say I wanted it to—I was comfortable in my rage and bitterness. It fit me like a worn glove. I thought I was going to die with a thorn in my side.

But Veronica removed that thorn. Slowly at first. She jabbed me with the bloody thing a few times, kept me on my toes. She still does. But it was only through her that the light got in. She became more than I ever thought she would.

Today, I’m going to marry her.

With that thought in mind, I get up on the wave. I surf it into shore, feeling unstoppable. The sun rises above the palms, the rays hitting me on the back, and this is the start of the rest of my life.

I spend the next hour catching a few more waves, then it’s time to head back in. I’ve got a lot to do and I still haven’t prepared my speech. I’m going to wing it, which is probably a terrible idea, but I feel like I don’t have to worry about what I’ll say. Staring at Veronica will make the words flow straight from the heart.

She stayed the night at the St. Regis hotel in Princeville with her maid-of-honor Claire, as well as Kate and Nikki, her bridesmaids. I have no idea what they got up to, though Ron texted me late last night telling me she loved me and hated tequila and that we should get a chicken called HeiHei and let it be the ringbearer.

My best man is my brother Kit, who I flew out here from Darwin for the ceremony. I hadn’t seen him in seven years, so it was long overdue. My groomsmen are Warren, who was one of the hotel’s original investors, Johnny, Daniel, Jin, and yes, Charlie. It took a long time to come to terms with Charlie being a snitch of sorts, but in the end it was clear that he really didn’t know what he was doing.

It doesn’t matter now. What’s past is past and Veronica did get to punch him in the face anyway, saving me from obliterating him. We’re all a united front with the hotel, and the Lockes are no longer in the picture.

Which I know bothers Ron. She’s got a soft heart even when she tries to hide it. The moment we told them that we were getting married and that there was nothing they could say or do, was the moment they cut us out of their lives. I said that life is made of moments, and that was one in which Ron knew who her family was. It was me. It was everyone at Moonwater. Her real ohana.

Her father does reach out to her every now and then, trying to keep the peace. He’s not a bad man, he’s just a weak man, and as long as his wife has complete control, he’ll never be fully on Veronica’s side. But at least he tries.

Naturally, he’s not here. None of her family came. Not uncles or aunts or cousins. No one approves. The fact that I’m marrying Juliet’s sister is too much for them to take. Some families are built on appearances and politics, and we’re better off without that in our lives.

It sounds tired and cliché to say but honestly all we need is each other.

The wedding is held at Moonwater, in the same spot where we have the luau, so when I get out of the surf and cut through the hotel grounds, it’s already alive with people bustling about and getting things ready.

“Shephard,” Johnny says, stepping out of his room. “You went surfing? You’re getting married soon, you know.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice. How are you feeling?”

While the girls were at their fancy hotel, we just drank at the bar. I managed to keep myself in line but Kit, Johnny, and Charlie got blitzed. I don’t give a damn, so as long as they show up and don’t get sick anywhere, we’re golden.

Johnny grins at me. “Happy as a clam, bro.”

I spend the rest of the day moving from moment to moment.



* * *



- Getting dressed (black pants, white shirt, no tie)

- Checking on the guys

- Coordinating with the DJ and caterers

- Hiding from Veronica (she believes in the whole “don’t you dare fucking see the bride in her dress” nonsense)

- Pacing my living room

- Greeting the guests

- Nearly shitting myself



* * *



I’m not nervous, per se. I think it’s more excitement, a restlessness. It’s not my first wedding, I know what to expect and I just want it over with. I want to get started on our marriage right now, sweep her off her feet far away (although our honeymoon is just to Oahu for some fun and games in Waikiki) and be the husband I can’t wait to be.

“How are we feeling?” the minister asks me as I take my place up at the front, grinning nervously at the guests. Her name is Betty, Hawaiian to the core, and also a talented musician who plays guitar and sings at Trees Lounge in Kapa’a.

“Great,” I tell her.

She nods with a gentle smile. She has such a joyous, calm way about her that when I proposed to Ron, I already knew Betty was going to be the one presiding over the wedding. “Good. Hang on to each moment today, so they will live on and they will last.”

It’s like she can read my bloody mind.

So I commit myself to more moments. Kit by my side, in a Hawaiian shirt and knee-length shorts, just like the rest of the groomsman. He’s the spitting image of me, if you take away half my beard, all my greys, and maybe a few wrinkles. Okay, a lot of them.

I look at Johnny who is laughing at something that Charlie has said, the two of them nearly busting over, their faces growing red. I have no doubt in my mind that whatever they’re saying is taking a shot at me. But that’s to be expected.

Daniel is looking more nervous than anyone. I think it’s because he’s proposing to Nikki tonight. He asked me a few days ago if it would take away from the event, and I said go for it. He’s worried about stealing my thunder, so he said he’s going to do it late and outside of the reception, but he’s doing it all the same. Seems Moonwater is making more than a few love matches.

Even for Jin. He’s looking proud, standing with his hands behind his back, looking over the crowd and nodding at everyone he knows. Which is, pretty much everyone. He looks like a bobble-head figure.

But the apple of his eye is Carla, an elderly lady who lives in Hanalei. Ever since New Year’s Eve, they’ve been an item, and what I hear from Johnny, Ron, and Charlie, he won’t shut up about her. They’ve started bringing earplugs to their shifts.