Before I Ever Met You

The pressure builds behind my eyes, warmth in my nose. Before I can stop it, the tears are spilling over and I’m gasping for breath.

And unlike every time I’ve cried over the last six months, wishing he was here to take it all away, he is here.

He comes right to me and envelopes me in his arm, holding me tight, my head pressed against his chest. He smells like love. He feels like a soul. He holds me tighter, even though I can barely breathe through my sobs, because he knows it makes me feel safe, that he’ll never let me go.

“It’s okay,” he whispers, running his palm over my hair, kissing the top of my head. “It’s okay. We’re going to fix this.”

I cry for a long time like this, letting everything out and he takes it in. He doesn’t say anything other than that he’s here and we’ll fix this and he’s not going anywhere. His words only make me break down more, the beauty in them, their truth.

But eventually I have to ask, I have to know.

I pull back and stare at him through raw eyes. “How can you still want me? How can you not hate me?”

The corner of his mouth quirks up into a smile, even though it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Because I never believed a word you’d said.”

“The note…”

“The note meant nothing. Giving the ring back meant nothing. I knew those weren’t actions. I know you Veronica, and I know your heart. I know what you’re about and none of that was true. You’re not that good of a liar and I can always see your truth. That’s why I came after you, to the airport. I wasn’t about to let you fly away.”

“But you did,” I say quietly.

“I did,” he says, nodding. He sighs. “I had to. Not just the security, though fuck them. Because I saw in your eyes what I needed to see. It wasn’t confirmation of the note. It was confirmation that you still loved me. That this was tearing you apart like it was tearing me. And that I had to trust you.”

“That’s it? You just…trusted me?”

“I’ve always trusted you. I knew that whatever you were doing, there was a reason for it. That you still loved me and you wouldn’t do something that drastic, that crazy, unless you had to. Unless it was against your will.”

“It was my parents.”

“I know. I knew it before Charlie told me.”

“Charlie told you?” I exclaim. Again, something he never mentioned when I was emailing him.

“Right away,” he says. “He was the one who told me you’d left. It was only later that I noticed you’d broken his nose. He confessed pretty quickly. If it weren’t for you, I would have done some damage to him myself. But you know Charlie didn’t really know what he was doing. And he’s not really the point of any of this. But I knew.”

“Why didn’t…” I begin, then stop myself.

“Why didn’t I come after you? Talk to you? I tried, you wouldn’t have any of it. I wasn’t calling to try and change your mind, I wanted you to know that I understood.”

I shut my eyes. “Why are you so good to me?”

“Because I love you,” he says, running his thumb over my lip, my cheek. “I love you more than ever.”

“But I was horrible. I ran away. I should have known you’d understand.”

“Yeah, you should have known. And it was horrible. And you left me a broken man, Ron. That wasn’t easy to get around.” He breathes in deeply. “But it was a bit easier because I knew the truth. I knew it wasn’t because you didn’t love me that you left, but because you loved me that much. I knew your reasons. I could never fault you for them. If you had told me what was happening, we would have put the marriage on hold while we figured stuff out. We would have done it together.”

“I didn’t know…”

“You should have known,” he says quickly. “But like I said, I understand. I know what your parents are like. They were my bloody in-laws for long enough, I’m adept at dealing with them. I knew that you felt guilt over Juliet still, that you wanted to do the right thing by me and that leaving was the best option for everyone. I know that’s what you believed. But it doesn’t matter anymore.” He pauses, eyes searching and searching and searching me. “Freckles, I’m taking you home.”

Oh, my heart. Blooming, growing, perfumed like a flower.

So fucking fragile.

“I can’t go,” I say and I can’t even believe those words are leaving my mouth. “I can’t go. My life is here now. I have a job. Two of them. Claire needs me. I…” The thought of Arch flashes through my head. He doesn’t even fucking count.

“Your life was never here,” he says gruffly, hand at my jaw. “Ever. Your life belongs with me.” He kisses me and if I didn’t get a shock before, I’m getting it now. These lips, his lips flush on mine, the warmth of his mouth, brings me back to life. It’s a meteor slamming deep inside me, a shake-up, a change.

I don’t ever want him to stop.

Ever.

His fingers lost in my hair, making me whimper against his mouth, his arm around my waist, holding me in place, the same feeling as if he’s about to fly off somewhere, like a superhero, bring me with him.

But I can’t. He’s right, what I have here in Chicago is false, like the fa?ade of an old-west town. It isn’t a real life and it was never really mine. It was something I put on to protect myself from a cold, new land. Claire will understand.

It doesn’t change why I left in the first place though, it doesn’t change any of that.

“I can’t,” I tell him, breaking our kiss, our mouths wet and breath heavy as we stare at each other. “They’ll never change their minds.”

“I don’t give a bloody fuck if they don’t change their minds,” he says, voice booming. It makes my nerves stand on end. “I love you. You’re going to be my wife, I don’t care what happens to me, what the world says is right or wrong, what other people think. You are my world and that’s the only world that matters.”

“I can’t watch them destroy what you’ve worked so hard for!” I cry out.

“They won’t,” he says. “They won’t.”

“Did you not hear me? They will! They’ll never go for this, they’ll never understand.”

He raises his chin, staring down at me. “Veronica. I’m old. I know a thing or two about how to deal with people and make a bad situation better. Some things take time and planning.”

“What are you talking about?”

“What did you think I’ve been doing for the last six months,” he asks, “sitting around on my ass, surfing with Charlie, picking my nose?”

“Well, no, but—”

“I’ve been saving money, I’ve been switching things around in my portfolio, talking to banks, I’ve been working with a goal in mind. A goal that should have always been on my mind, but I got lazy and complacent with Juliet. That isn’t the case now.”

I stare at him blankly.

“As of last week, I own one-hundred-percent of Moonwater.”

Still staring at him blankly. None of this computes. Wires in my brain are fried.

“What?”

“I contacted your father. I bought him out.”