Before I Ever Met You

Logan books us both plane tickets back to Lihue tomorrow. Since it’s so last minute, it’s going to be a real journey with infinite layovers but as long as he’s by my side, I don’t care. I’ll sit on a million planes with him, be stuck in a million airports, and it won’t make a difference.

Together we spend the rest of the day packing up my stuff. I never thought of Claire’s as a permanent home, so some of my stuff isn’t even properly put away and I haven’t purchased anything new since my return. It’s easy to throw everything in the suitcases and be done with it.

Even so, I take my time, mainly because I know I’m putting off the inevitable. The longer I linger in the apartment with Claire and Logan, the more that I don’t have to face my parents.

But when we’re finished and it looks like I’m leaving no trace of me behind, we know there’s only one thing left to do.

“Time to say goodbye,” Logan says, bringing my two suitcases to the door. And it’s not just to Claire, whom I just spent five minutes hugging tearfully. It’s to my parents. We know how this is going to go.

We get in a cab and head to their house.

I’m a barrel of nerves. I jump when Logan puts his hand on mine.

“It’s going to be okay,” he says. “All we have is the truth, and if they don’t like it, then that’s the end of it. We turn around, we go home. Got it?”

I got it. Doesn’t mean I like it. And contrary to what I said last night, it doesn’t mean I’m ready.

But before I know it, before I can prepare, the cab is pulling up in front of their house in Lincoln Park. I say their house, because it doesn’t feel like mine anymore. It doesn’t seem possible that it was ever my home. The Veronica from then is a different person than me, a twin, long lost and never to be found again. I’ll never search for her.

“Here it is,” Logan says, taking in a deep breath. He slips the cabbie a twenty and asks him to wait for ten minutes.

“Ten minutes?” I ask as we get out.

“Do you think your parents are going to invite us in for tea?”

Good point. I guess knowing there’s a cab waiting to sweep us away makes it easier.

Logan grabs my hand, holds it up between us as a sign of solidarity. We are a team. Team Gruff.

We go through the gate and walk up the long stone path to the house, stopping in front of the door.

Logan rings the bell.

I figure that Mary, the housekeeper, will answer but instead it’s my father.

He doesn’t look surprised to see us at all.

“I figured you would be here. Maybe not today, but some day soon.” His voice is burdened.

“Hi dad,” I tell him, giving him a shy smile. I don’t want to hurt my father, but it’s something I’m prepared to do. “We need to talk to you and mom.”

He nods with a heavy sigh. “Yes. Well I just had a talk with your mother myself. It’s good timing. She’s still in shock about it all.”

“Who are you talking to?” I hear her voice boom from inside the house.

Logan squeezes my hand tighter and shoots me a hopeful smile. He’s got me. We’ve got this.

When my mother sees us, she gasps loudly, hand at her mouth, then her chest. Talk about a pearl-clutcher.

“What the hell is he doing here?” she says, looking between the two of us. Her lip curls up with disgust when she notices our hands entwined with one another.

“Mrs. Locke,” Logan says. “Always a pleasure to see you.”

Her eyes narrow, her cheeks turning red. My mother is a beautiful woman for her age, but it’s moments like this that make her ugly as sin. Her true self can’t help but show.

“Are you here to make a fool of me?” she sneers. “Is that what this is?”

“No one is making a fool of anyone,” Logan says. “We came to tell you…”

“That I’m leaving,” I speak up, finding my voice. I clear the uncertainty from it. “We’ve decided to be together. To get married. We’re heading back to Kauai tomorrow, staying in a hotel tonight. I just wanted to say goodbye.”

She’s speechless. My father tries to put his hand on her shoulder but she shrugs him off. “This is all your fault,” she says to him, her tone pure acid and vinegar.

My dad takes his hand away but doesn’t back down. “I did what was right. We had no business in that hotel, Rose, and you know it. It was to help Juliet and Logan. Juliet’s gone. Our interests are too.”

I’m glad my father is speaking up. He’s going to pay for it later, but since it seems like he’s already paying for it, I have faith this might make him stronger in the end.

But it’s none of my business. I can only worry about me and Logan, just as they will only worry about themselves.

“I know you don’t want Logan and I together, I know you think this will create a scandal, make people talk. But let them talk. Let them think what they want. I’m sorry if you have to suffer in any way but I’m not going to give up the love of my life over that. And if you can’t be happy for me, if you can’t see my heart and see the good this man brings me, then I’m sorry. But I choose him. I choose love. And I choose this life, the one I’m leaving for.”

For a moment I think I see softness in her eyes, maybe a glimmer of understanding, maybe I’ve let her feel, for one moment, what it’s like to be me, what I truly deserve. But then it’s gone. Her gaze hardens, her posture stiffens. Whatever empathy, sympathy, she might have felt is buried deep down. I’m not sure she’ll ever see this for what it is.

But that’s on her now. I’ve done my part.

“I love Veronica,” Logan says, his voice low and strong. “And you can choose not to believe it. But she believes it. And so do I. We’ll be out of your hair now and you know you can always reach out to us and we’ll be there for you. As a family. But you aren’t family unless you want to be and that means accepting all that we are. In Hawaiian you would be ohana. And it will always be an option.”

My mother stares at us with all her fury, and I can see how ruined she is by all of this. That she thinks that I am choosing Logan over her, just as Juliet chose Logan over her. She hates to lose, even though she thinks what she’s losing is replaceable.

It’s not.

I’m not replaceable. And maybe one day, one day, she’ll recognize this.

But I’m not holding out hope.

I have Logan.

I have my hope already.

“Get out,” my mother says, her voice low, close to breaking. “Get out and never come back.”

Don’t cry, I tell myself.

And I don’t.

I look over her shoulder at my father and give him a nod.

“I love you, dad.” I look at my mother, who can’t even look me in the eye now. She’s staring at the ground, her jaw grinding. “I love you, mom. That will never change, even if we do.”

I swear my dad is shedding a tear. I can’t stare at him for too long either or I’ll break down. I turn around, Logan putting his arm around my waist and leading me down the stairs.

“If you ever need us, you’re always welcome in paradise,” Logan says over his shoulder.

The door slams behind us. I don’t look back.

We go through the gate and I feel like I’m in a daze. I’m not happy, I’m not smug or vindicated. I’m not destroyed either. I’m just…sad.