A few minutes later, after I’ve come down from my orgasm, the world seems a little less surreal. Beautiful with the lake around us, but still less surreal. We’re not the only people in the world, but for a few moments, it sure felt like it.
“I’ll need to take care of some business. Will you be okay on your own?” Kellan says and disentangles himself from our embrace. I don’t look at him getting dressed while I squeeze into my own clothes.
“Sure,” I say, infusing as much casualness into my voice as I can muster. “When will you be back?”
“Probably after the weekend.”
My heart drops.
Today is Friday. He’ll return on Monday, and I’m leaving tomorrow. Our little fuck didn’t mean anything. He made that clear right from the beginning. What I didn’t expect was for him to want to leave so abruptly.
A little warning would have been nice.
“So… I won’t see you again, will I?” I ask breathlessly.
He says nothing, but he doesn’t have to.
What is there to say?
A wave of disappointment—fast and all-consuming—sweeps through me, and a strange pang of pain settles in my chest.
That’s it.
The end of my vacation.
The end of us.
We’re not going to spend the last night together. Nor the day after.
I’ll leave and I’ll go back to my boring, old life, and he’ll remain the mystery he is. We’ll both move on. I didn’t expect it to be over so soon, and yet it is.
“Feel free to stay as long as you want. When you’re ready to leave, just leave the keys under the flowerpot on the porch,” Kellan continues, oblivious to my thoughts. It seems so easy for him, as if he’s talking about a short trip, not the fact that he won’t ever see me again. “The mechanic finished all repairs on your car early this morning. You have new headlights, the engine’s running, and he’s even done a paint job. You’ll get back home safely.”
He’s paying me off.
I can’t believe it.
What he’s done is so much worse than throwing a pity check at me.
I swallow the lump in my throat.
“You didn’t have to,” I say, my voice strangely choked.
He shrugs. “I wanted to. It’s the least I can do after bumping your car.”
God.
That feels like an eternity ago.
“Mandy should be back tomorrow, right?” Kellan asks, breaking the awkward silence.
“Yeah. I’ll be busy packing up tonight.” I let out a forced laugh, the effort making my chest hurt. Everything makes me hurt. My entire body feels like a truck slammed into it. “She has so much stuff, and because her suitcase was too small, she crammed it all in mine.”
His hands trail around my waist, and there’s another short, awkward silence. “I enjoyed my time with you very much.”
His words sound so final, detached and resolute. He might as well have said, “I enjoyed fucking you,” and it would have made no difference.
“So did I,” I whisper and look up to meet his questioning gaze. I know I shouldn’t ask, and yet I have to know. “Will you visit me in New York?”
He regards me, hesitating. “I don’t think I’ll leave Montana for a while, but when I do, I’ll make sure you’re the first on my list.”
His list.
Yeah, the stupid list of women he’s fucked and wouldn’t mind a second helping of.
My eyes feel moist. I break off his embrace and avert my gaze so that he won’t see the turmoil that I’m sure is written across my face.
I’ve always hated saying goodbye. It feels too final, too heavy. But I knew this day would come after all. Kellan never made a secret out of it. I just didn’t expect it so soon. I just never expected that I’d enjoy my time with him so much.
Kellan’s lips brush my neck, and as he kisses me, he whispers against my skin, “I’ll see you soon.”
I want to believe him, but I can’t because I’m not stupid. All men say the same thing to make leaving easier. Maybe they believe it’ll soften the blow that it’s over.
Or maybe they’re just liars and would rather feed a woman’s hope than deal with the drama that often accompanies honesty.
Well, there won’t be any drama.
“Yeah.” My body goes rigid as I force a cold smile to my lips. “We’ll stay in touch.”
I close my eyes. He kisses my cheek before he turns and leaves. I don’t follow him back to the house. Instead, I lie down and close my eyes, barely able to hold back the tears I cannot allow myself to shed.
When I head back inside, the house is depressingly empty and quiet.
Kellan’s gone.
Gone from my life, with no intention of coming back.
Leaving behind memories that I know will hurt for a long time.
***
“Ava!”
Mandy’s screech reaches me through the fog inside my brain. I look up from washing the dishes and flinch at the pain shooting up my back. I’m so not used to working on the farm. My arms ache and my legs feel like they’re about to fall off.
Kellan left last night.
I was so immersed in my work and dark thoughts that I completely forgot the time.
“In here!” I yell.