“She was the best friend you told me about.”
He nods. “She was the best of everything you can have. Clara was…” He sighs, and a soft, sad smile tugs at his lips. “She was a good person. Her heart was in the right place. Ever since I can remember, she wanted to help others. If she set her mind to it, she went all the way. When she told our family she wanted to join the military, no one wanted her to. They were all afraid she’d get hurt.” Another pause. He clears his throat, and I sense something huge is coming. “Except me. I told her to go after her dreams, that I’d be proud of her. Back then, I was so sure she’d be okay, because she was strong and she wasn’t scared to get in a fight.” He takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. His eyes are cast downward now, focused on a spot at his feet. “I’ve been regretting that for the last five weeks, day and night, even in my dreams. There’s not a single thing I can do to take those words back. If it weren’t for me, she’d still be here. She’d be alive.”
His eyes are shimmering with moisture. A tear slides down my cheek. His pain radiates from him, every word true and coming from the heart.
“Kellan,” I whisper his name because I don’t know what else to say.
He shakes his head. “Don’t. You have no idea what my family went through.” He looks up at me, meeting my glance. “My mother died when I was young. It was my sister who took care of all of us. She wasn’t just the eldest, she was also the one who made sure that my dad didn’t let himself go. She was amazing. I mean it when I say you would have liked her.”
I can feel his anger. He’s not past that stage in the grieving process yet. Whatever I say won’t help. But I know keeping him talking is good for him.
“Why do you think that?”
“I don’t know,” Kellan says. “You’re alike. When Sniper saw you, I knew it. It’s the way he reacts, and the way you talk to him.” He sighs. “She was fierce and stubborn. Always had her own mind about things.”
“It must have been nice to grow up with brothers,” I say softly.
“Well, I think it influenced her decision to join the forces.” His eyes go distant again. “I hadn’t seen her in almost a year. Then, out of the blue came, the call she’d be back home the following weekend. I was so happy. I tried to cancel everything, but work came first.” He grimaces, and a nerve begins to pulse beneath his eye. “I told her I couldn’t see her. I didn’t come back home when I had the chance because other things seemed more important. It’s the biggest regret I have. She spent that one last weekend here, and I didn’t come to see her. She told me she was fine, that she’d be back home for Thanksgiving, but she died within a week.”
“I’m so sorry,” I whisper, wiping at the tears gathering in my eyes.
He just nods.
My fingers gingerly reach out to touch his, and he lets me. His fingers intertwine with mine, and I give them a light squeeze in the hope the simple gesture can convey a little bit of just how much my heart is bleeding for him.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
I don’t know how long we’ve been sitting here, our hands locked, the world around us heavy and hopeless.
Loss is a strange thing. It comes without a warning. It rips your heart to shreds and lets you learn to live with the pieces. It never lets you heal, but eventually, the memories you carry will help you learn to live with the pain of knowing that you will never see your loved one again.
So many words unsaid.
So many smiles turned to tears.
So many future memories unlived.
I look at Kellan and I see his pain etched into his features. His green gaze is turned toward the sky, hooded by long, dark eyelashes that cast soft shadows across his cheeks.
He’s beautiful when he smiles, but he’s even more beautiful when he’s lost in his thoughts, his heart open, his emotions raw.
“Days have passed. Soon the weeks will turn into years. I’ll always remember you with silent tears.” His words are barely more than a whisper, his voice slightly humming, as though his pain has become a song that needs to rip through his chest.
Leaning into him, I rest my head against his shoulder and look up. His gaze meets mine, and then he smiles.
That glorious smile of his that catches the day and the night. That makes my heart both rise and sink.
The world around us stops for a moment.
Slowly, his mouth nears mine and his lips brush my lips in a kiss that’s as soft as the beating wings of a butterfly.
“I want to show you the lake,” he says and pulls me to my feet.
“What?” I laugh and throw a dubious glance at the shimmering water within walking distance. There’s an old paddleboat secured at a pier that looks just as decrepit. I thought it was just décor. “Water and I aren’t exactly friends. Unless it’s a pool and there’s a bar nearby.”
“Come on, city girl. You’ll like it,” he says with a wink.