Beautiful Broken Things

Suzanne shrugged. ‘YouTube videos? I just experiment a lot really. It’s easy.’

It is not easy.

‘I can show you,’ Suzanne offered. ‘I used to do my friends’ make-up all the time.’

‘Maybe,’ I said vaguely.

Rosie was still wearing her school uniform when she opened the door to let us in. Skipping any greetings, she brandished a Papa John’s menu at us, beaming. ‘Mum says so long as we get a Veggie Supreme for her, we can have whatever we want.’ She stopped waving the menu and looked at me. ‘You didn’t bring clothes?’

‘I told you I’m not going out,’ I said, trying to quash a rising irritation.

‘I thought you might change your mind.’ She jutted out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. Then she glanced at Suzanne. ‘Oh my God, I love that top. You both have to help me decide what to wear.’

The ‘both’ was generous. It seemed unlikely to me that I’d have anything to offer in this area. Why would she ask me when Suzanne was right there? It would be like choosing an emu over a flamingo.

I was right. While Suzanne and Rosie played dress-up with Rosie’s entire wardrobe, I sat on the bed and fattened myself up on pizza, reading an old issue of Glamour magazine and contributing nothing but ‘hmmms’.

To her credit, though probably more to do with best-friend loyalties than my dazzling fashion sense, Rosie tried, pulling a sequinned top out of the wardrobe and holding it up in my direction. ‘Do you think I can wear this again so soon after your birthday?’

‘Sure,’ I said. ‘It’s not like it’s the same people.’

‘Good point. Jeans or a skirt?’ She directed the question at Suzanne, who shrugged.

‘What do you feel like?’

‘Jeans.’ Rosie said, as I’d known she would. She took a pair from the wardrobe shelf and shook them out. ‘Turn around, Suze. And just don’t look, Cads.’

Suzanne turned away obediently, met my gaze and made a ridiculous face. Despite myself, I laughed.

‘You better not be laughing at me,’ Rosie said over her shoulder. ‘OK. What do you think?’ She spread out her arms and leaned slightly so I could see the full outfit. Suzanne turned back around.

‘Perfect,’ she said, smiling.

Rosie looked at me hopefully. I gave her a thumbs up. ‘Great!’ She looked relieved. ‘I’m going to get shoes. Be right back.’

When she was gone, Suzanne sat carefully down on the bed next to me and took a slice of pizza. ‘What are you going to do tonight?’

Nothing. ‘I’m not sure,’ I hedged, trying to think of an answer that wasn’t pathetic. Oh God, maybe I should just go. Maybe it would be better this time, now I was sixteen. Maybe . . . an image came into my head of me trailing awkwardly after Rosie, except this time she was giggling and talking to Suzanne, who was not trailing after anyone and was definitely not awkward. God, no. It wouldn’t be better. It would be even worse.

‘You should come next time. When you don’t have your Service thing the next day.’ Her face was open and friendly, but I felt a surge of annoyance. Why did she get to be the one inviting me places? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

‘I definitely will,’ I lied.

She smiled at me, but a jolt of paranoia stopped me smiling back. Had Rosie told her I didn’t like parties? Was she pitying me? Or worse, secretly laughing at me? Before I could say anything else, Rosie came back into the room, carrying a pair of glittery silver flats. ‘Do you think I should straighten my hair?’

‘No,’ I said. Rosie’s small, bird-like face needed all the volume it could get. When she straightened her curls it made her head look even smaller.

‘It looks nice wavy,’ Suzanne said. ‘Do you have any mousse?’

‘Mum might,’ Rosie said thoughtfully, fluffing up her hair in the mirror.

The two of them began an animated conversation about hairstyles and I zoned out, watching my best friend talk. Rosie was twirling a few dark strands around in her fingers speculatively and it occurred to me that the two of us rarely had conversations like this. Maybe she’d been missing it.

By the time they were ready to leave, Suzanne had put Rosie’s hair up into an elaborate plaited bun and done her make-up, transforming her into a completely different person. If she could work that kind of magic on me, maybe she was worth having around.

Later Rosie’s mother drove the three of us first to my house to drop me off. She kept catching my eye in the rear-view mirror and smiling as Rosie and Suzanne giggled beside me, as if she could see right into my head.

‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow?’ Rosie said to me as we pulled up at my house.

‘Sure,’ I said. ‘Have fun!’

‘You have fun too,’ she grinned at me, her voice teasing.

‘Ha ha,’ I said, shutting the door.

Before they’d even driven away, Rosie had already turned back to Suzanne and they were both laughing. I looked at my house, sighed and headed in for a fun night alone.

22.47: CADNAM OH MY GOD

22.49: What?

22.52: WHAT????

22.57: I LOVE YOU!!

22.59: OK. I love you too.

23.01: xxxxxxxxxxx

23.29: Suze thinnks you dont like herr

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