Mum and Dad; James and Monika; Anna and Richard; Holly, all the Barnards and beyond: thank you. What a family I have. You’re wonderful. Dad, I could never have been a writer without your example, advice and support. I said that to you once and you looked so surprised. Thank you for that, and for so much else.
Thank you to Tracy, for the photos, the advice, the pep talks and above all your friendship. If everyone had a friend like you, we’d have a smarter, funnier, kinder world. Jane, thank you for your wisdom, your empathy and your time.
A special thank you to DT – there are no words to explain how much your support, humour, enthusiasm and kindness have meant to me. You have made me a better feminist, a better writer, a better person. I am grateful beyond words for your friendship.
Thank you, Tom, for everything. For your patient rereading of draft after draft, for saving Suzanne when even I had almost given up, for looking after the cat and not complaining (much) when I disappeared with the laptop for hours on end. Thank you for giving me Brighton and for not being the slightest bit surprised when any of this happened.
And finally, but most fittingly, to Lora, who was my best friend then and remains my best friend now, who continues to bring sparks and surprise to my life. I don’t know who I’d be without you, but I know this book would not exist. You are brilliant. I would climb out of a window for you.
When I set out to write what would, many years down the line, become Beautiful Broken Things, all I had in my head was a girl. I knew she had a dazzling smile and sad eyes. I knew she’d been hurt, but that for all her wild spirit and fury she was full of warmth and love. I wanted to tell her story, because it felt like a story that needed to be told.
Many stories about abuse end with the rescue or escape of the victim (a loaded term in itself), because that is the best thing about stories: they end when we want them to end. But in real life a child who escapes a violent home carries that experience with them. With Beautiful Broken Things I wanted to talk about what happens next. Who do you become after trauma, when you are still learning about yourself? How do you tell the people you meet in your new, safe life about your past, or do you not tell them at all?
This is Caddy’s story because trauma is not just something that happens to one person; it touches the lives of everyone they love and are close to. Being a friend to someone in pain can be difficult and upsetting, but it is invaluable. We all have opportunities to be darkness and light in the lives of those we love, and in the truest friendships there will always be both.
Friendship is at the heart of this book. It is a love story without a romance, because there’s no love quite like that shared between teenage girls. When I think back to my teenage years, I can barely remember the names of the boys I had crushes on, the faces of early boyfriends gone blurry. But I can tell you about the time my best friend and I carved peppers instead of pumpkins at a ‘fake Halloween’ sleepover when we were thirteen. I can remember entire conversations we had while sat on a wall down the road from our school.
I wanted to honour this kind of relationship – because it is a relationship – with the story of Caddy, Rosie and Suzanne. I really do believe that, for all the arguments and misunderstandings and fallouts and tears, the best thing you can be to someone is a friend.
To anyone who is suffering, whether this is due to experiences similar to Suzanne’s or to something entirely different, hold on. Better days will come. You wouldn’t believe the number of people who are waiting to love you.
Don’t be afraid to talk to someone that you trust, whoever that may be. Know that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If the thought of speaking to someone you know feels like too great an obstacle, there are many wonderful organizations and charities that exist purely to help those who are struggling, even if that is just to offer a friendly word. If and when you are ready, here are some people you can reach out to, but until then, their websites have a lot of very useful information.