Beast: Learning to Breathe (Devil's Blaze MC #5)

It’s that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach and that burning at the back of your neck that makes you feel like something is wrong. The nervous jitters you get when you feel like time isn’t on your side. It’s all of those combined that tells you something is fucking wrong. That’s the way I feel during the drive back to Hayden’s. I find myself breaking the speed limit and racing to get to her. I’m so much on edge that I feel like I can’t breathe. I knew I shouldn’t have left her. I should have taken her with me to meet with Victor. If anything is actually wrong, I may kill Crusher.

I pull into the driveway and that feeling I have, only intensifies when I see the preacher’s car in the driveway. I told him not to come around, that I was putting the house on lockdown. He kept whining about picking up some baked goods that Hayden baked for the church, and I even made it clear that I would drop them off this evening at the church—myself. Something about that asshole rubs me the wrong way and him being here is setting off a lot of internal alarms. I grab the gun I keep in the console, jumping out of the truck the minute I throw it into park. It rocks from the sudden stop, as I slam the truck door. I’ve only taken a couple of steps when I hear Hayden crying out as if in pain. I pick up my pace, running to the door. Out of the corner of my eye I see Crusher lying on the ground. Fuck. I grip the gun tighter, throw open the kitchen door, prepared to end that fucking preacher’s life.

What I see throws me completely. There’s Dani standing over the preacher, wielding a deadly looking…skillet. My eyes zero in on Hayden. I expect to find her in the corner, scared and maybe in the midst of a panic attack. Instead, she’s standing there looking at me. Then she takes off towards me, literally jumping into my arms. The minute my arms wrap around her, the fear eases. I hold her close, burrowing my head into the side of her neck, taking in her scent, feeling her close to me. It calms me.

“What’s going on, Beauty? Are you okay?” I ask her softly, still drinking her in.

Dani comes out of her trance though and drops the skillet with a large clang, as it lands on the wood floor.

“Where’s Zander?” she sobs, and I remember I seen him laying outside.

“Fuck,” I growl, letting go of Hayden—mostly. I’m still holding her hand. One more quick glance at the preacher tells me he’s out. “He’s outside,” I tell her, and we walk out there to find him. “Stay right here,” I order Hayden when we make it outside, insisting she stay at my side. If there are any further surprises in store, I want her at arm’s length. I squat down and check Crusher for injuries. There’s no obvious wound. But I can see a swelling on the side of his head. My best guess would be he was knocked out with something.

“Zander, honey,” Dani says, touching his face and lifting him up. “Cowboy, are you okay?” she questions. Putting his face in her lap as she manages to slide under him.

“Let’s get him loaded in my truck and take him to the hospital,” I tell her.

“We should call an ambulance,” Dani argues.

“As slow as they are, Michael could have him at the hospital sooner,” Hayden says, mirroring my thoughts. I stand up, getting ready to bend down and pick Crusher up when he moans.

“Thank God,” Dani whispers, her tears dropping down on Crusher’s face almost as fast as she tries to wipe them off it.

“Quit crying, Hellcat, it takes something harder than a fucking rock to bust my head open,” he mutters, sitting up and holding his head. “Tell me you put a bullet in that sack of shit.”

“Not yet,” I tell him. “Your girl knocked him on his ass.”

“That’s my woman,” Crusher says proudly, even while in pain.

“I had help. Hayden wouldn’t run even when I told her to,” Dani says, going into Crusher’s hold, hugging his side.

I look over at Hayden and I might be glad she didn’t give into a panic attack, but right now I’m pissed.

“You should have run.”

“What? I couldn’t leave Dani alone to face him, Michael,” she says, her eyes wide with surprise.

“You could and you should have. You needed to take care of Maggie.”

“I do take care of Maggie, but I wasn’t leaving Dani alone,” she says stubbornly.

I grunt, because there’s not much I can say to that.

I sigh, changing the subject. “We need to figure out what to do with the preacher.”

“I don’t think he’s a preacher, Michael,” Hayden whispers, and Crusher almost laughs, but his pain makes the sound into something else.

“What are we going to do with him?” Dani asks, moving her hand delicately over Crusher’s wound.

“I’ll call Victor. I got a feeling he’ll lead us to Blade.”

“He’s how Blade knew about Maggie and why I called her a girl…” Hayden says, quietly, more to herself than to the rest of us.

I don’t answer, instead helping Crusher get to his feet. Then I capture Hayden’s hand. There’s really nothing to say in response, because I’d lay odds that she’s right. There’s a connection between the would be preacher and Blade.

I feel it.





83





Hayden





“I owe Charlie so much, Michael. What if she doesn’t know how much I loved her? I thanked her, and she knew I cared about her, but I can’t remember ever telling her I loved her. I should have done that. I should have,” I whisper against his skin.

It’s late. Probably close to midnight. Michael and I are lying in bed after an exhausting—both physically and emotionally—day. All the lights are out in the house and the moon shining through the bedroom window is the only light visible. The house is quiet. Dani and Crusher are spending the night in Michael’s barn, but there’s two other men in the house. Michael said they were part of Diesel’s crew. They seem nice enough. It’s still hard for me at times to get used to having other people in my home. Tonight, after we came back from the hospital—the hospital where I had to say goodbye to Charlie, there was a point I had to fight down a panic attack. We picked up a bucket of chicken and sides from town and my small kitchen with Michael and two other men in it, seemed to get smaller. They were talking and laughing with each other, and I was busy trying not to freak out and embarrass Michael. I tried to hide it, but Michael was watching me like a hawk. He didn’t say anything, but I know he saw. He grabbed our plates and ordered me to follow him into the bedroom where we ate on the floor in silence. I hate that I can’t be stronger for him. I really am trying. I’m getting better…most days.

“She knew, Beauty. She never told you either, but you knew, right?” he whispers back. He’s got my hand in his, and his thumb is brushing back and forth against the inside of my palm.

“I knew,” I tell him, closing my eyes and letting a few silent tears escape. I’ve cried so much tonight. I don’t want to give into another crying jag. Poor Michael has had to endure my tears most of the evening.

Michael turns onto his side and pulls me even closer into him. He kisses my forehead, while wrapping his hand in my hair, letting my head rest on his shoulder. “Come on, Beauty. She wouldn’t want you hurting like this. She wanted you happy. She made Victor promise to protect you from the moment she first met you. You need to make sure you honor that and actually be happy,” he says.

I think over his words, and I know he’s right, but there’s just not a lot to be happy about tonight. “Do you think she blames me, Michael?”

“Blames you?”