Barbarian Box Set: Barbarians of Zandipor Books One, Two and Three

Mandy is frozen with fear as she stares at it with wide eyes. “Let’s go!” I scream at her as I grab her arm. She shakes out of her daze and we turn back to the ship to hide inside. It’s sturdy enough to travel through space so hopefully, it’s sturdy enough to withstand a T-Rex’s jaws.

“No!” I scream as my legs turn to jelly. The door of the spaceship slams shut. Tin Tom has his hook connected to a panel on the outside. He closed it.

“Open the door,” I scream as we rush over.

“That is inadvisable,” Tin Tom says in his choppy voice. “The dinosauriforms could do significant trauma to the interior of a spaceship.”

“He’s going to do significant trauma to us!” Rolanda screams banging her fists on the locked door. “Open it!”

“He’s coming,” Mandy whispers. And then she throws up.

For someone who hasn’t really eaten anything in days, she’s throwing up a lot. I’m impressed.

Rolanda is furious. “Open it now you Tin Tom piece of crap!”

“Uh, guys,” I say as they’re fighting and Mandy retches again. “He’s coming.”

Boy is he coming. A flock of birds takes to the sky, flying out of his way as he thunders forward. Fuck the door, fuck Tin Tom, and fuck this!

“Let’s go!” I scream, yanking Mandy’s arm as I sprint away. She follows me as I run to…wait, where the fuck am I going?

Rolanda flies past me, pumping her muscular legs at a speed that I didn’t think was humanly possible. If I knew I would have had a T-Rex chasing me one day, I would have spent much more time on the treadmill at the gym. I might even have put my magazine down and tried to break a sweat.

I don’t know where I’m going but wherever it is, I can’t get there fast enough. Mandy is on my heels and I’m jealously watching Rolanda get smaller and smaller as she runs over to the crest of the hill.

I take half a second to glance back over my shoulder and Mandy passes me. Damn it! She’s my best friend and all and I would hate to see her get eaten by a dinosaur, but if I have to choose who gets a scenic tour through the T-Rex’s digestive tract, it’s not going to be me.

But the T-Rex is stopped at the spaceship. He’s smelling Tin Tom with his baby pool sized nostrils.

“Good daytime to you dinosauriforms Tyrannosaurus Rex,” Tin Tom says to him. “Wondrous to be meeting your acquaintance.”

The T-Rex quickly loses interest and turns back to us. Oh shit. I try to run a little faster but it’s not happening. Especially, now that we’re running up the slight incline of the hill. Rolanda already disappeared over it. Lucky bitch.

The thunderous footsteps resume as the asshole T-Rex keeps coming. “Avery!” Mandy calls out to me as she sprints over the crest of the hill. “There’s a river!”

She says it in an excited way but to me it’s just one more scary thing. I’ve never been the best swimmer.

I finally get to the top of the hill and she’s right. There’s a river. A fast, vicious, flowing river with sharp rocks jutting out every few feet. And that’s just the surface. Who knows what kind of terrifying monsters are hiding under the water waiting for a chubby, out of shape American girl to have for lunch?

Rolanda is nowhere to be seen.

“We have to jump in,” Mandy says, flailing her arms as she runs down the hill toward the water. The river is so loud. The rough water froths into whitecaps as it smashes into the sharp black rocks ready to pull down anyone foolish enough to jump in.

Mandy is that foolish. She leaps into the river without a second of hesitation and the violent current immediately carries her away.

I glance back when I reach the bottom of the hill and it’s my turn to jump in. The T-Rex is standing at the top of the hill with what I swear is a smirk on his face. I know you’re gonna say that T-Rex’s can’t smirk but this fucking thing is smirking. Just trust me.

He just stands there watching (and smirking), daring me to jump in.

“Fuck you!” I scream, giving him the finger, and then close my eyes and jump.

It’s a decision that I regret immediately.

My head gets pulled under the cool water and I swallow a gallon of the foul tasting river water. I kick and flail my arms, trying to break the surface but my wet clothes are weighing me down and the current is so strong. My lungs are burning. My chest tight.

I want to take a breath. So. Fucking. Bad.

Finally, the river shoots me up and my head pops out. Glorious air. I’ve never been so appreciative of a breath of oxygen.

The appreciation is short lived. I’m flying down the river at a speed that would make Mario Andretti jealous and these sharp black rocks keep coming out of nowhere, whizzing by my head.

At least the T-Rex is gone.

Shit.

Maybe he’s gone but there’s a louder dinosaur up ahead. The constant roaring is deafening and I’m afraid I’m heading straight to him.

The landscape on each side of the river turns into a forest and I swear I see Rolanda on the river’s edge. It’s a flash of a second but I would recognize those biceps anywhere. She got out.

Lucky bitch.

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