He really had no idea about the kink. Our relationship wasn’t built on that kind of emotional intimacy. Just a fuck-load of trust. She provided what I needed, and I gave her the same in return.
“No,” I said simply.
Grey looked at me with a sort of sad gleam in his eye. Like he was happy I found someone who loved me enough to kiss me. Openly. On the mouth. All the time.
But shit, it wasn’t like he had anyone, either. I knew he didn’t have anyone warming his bed and loving on him. He spent all his time at work or at the gym. When he occasionally took a girl home, I never heard of her again.
“I think you have your answer, dude.” He looked at me knowingly.
I grunted in acknowledgment, just to end this fucking conversation already. Little did he know I wasn’t about to trade in my whole world for some good *.
We finished our drinks in silence for the next half hour. There was no escape from my own thoughts.
Grey didn’t understand that I would lose more than sex if I ended things with Daniella. She represented my entire way of life for the past two years. My partner, my counterweight. We shared the same purpose. We could fulfill each other’s needs for sex and companionship without getting attached enough to get hurt.
Until I met Lacey, I could have maintained that equilibrium forever. But she’d knocked me off-balance. And if I let those scales tip, there was no going back, whatever my new life had in store.
But, I realized, it was already too late. I’d reached the point of no return. Discontent had already crept into me. I’d tasted what a woman’s love could offer, and the life that had once satisfied me now left me cold and hungry. Lacey promised me more, and even if I wasn’t sure, did I really want to remain in this lukewarm limbo?
Last night, when Lacey had caught me in bed with Daniella and run away, my panic had left no room for confusion. Seeing Lacey like that had driven out every other thought. The idea that she might be scared or hurt had made me run after her on pure instinct. In that moment, my priorities had turned crystal clear.
And if the situations were reversed, I would never be okay with sharing Lacey with another man. The thought alone made me feel homicidal. Knowing someone else was touching her? It made me want to beat the motherfucker within an inch of his life.
But I wasn’t about to tell Grey that he was right . . . and face every emotion I’d turned off. At least, not yet.
Chapter Sixteen
Lacey
I hadn’t heard from Nolan in two days. Worry and doubt hadn’t just started to creep in; they took over every cell of my being, settling in and demanding attention. I felt achy and tired all the time, despite sleeping more than usual.
Knowing I’d put him in a difficult spot with Daniella, I felt terrible asking him to decide. He’d been up front from the beginning, I’d known about her the entire time, and Daniella hadn’t done anything wrong. Yet now I was asking him to essentially kick her out and give me exclusivity when I hadn’t even been honest about my own past yet.
That would come. I knew it had to, but for now, I couldn’t deny myself what I wanted. What was that saying? The heart wants what it wants. And mine wanted Nolan.
A simple phone call to him could solve all of my worry. I could ask him point-blank where he stood, what he wanted, and if he’d made a decision. But doubt and fear kept me from making that call. What if he chooses her?
I decided to take a chance. To finally meet Daniella, talk woman to woman, and see if we could settle this. Mustering up my courage, I headed downstairs and drove to Nolan’s house.
When I pulled up, I was relieved to see his truck gone, and Daniella’s little silver sedan parked in the driveway.
Here goes nothing.
Daniella opened the door with a warm smile. “Can I help you?”
Seeing her in person was like a smack of harsh realization to the face. She was beautiful. Tall with willowy limbs, and dark hair that hung down her back in loose waves. Her eyes couldn’t be described as hazel, but they weren’t quite brown either. Their mossy color was unique, and set against her porcelain skin and regal features, they were striking.
She was watching me with a guarded smile. Hidden in the smile was a question: Are you going to change my entire world?
But I didn’t know the answer to that question. I took a deep breath and steeled myself for what was sure to be an awkward encounter.
“I’m Lacey.”
Her smile instantly faded. “Nolan’s not here right now.”
My heart started to race. “I know that,” I managed to say.
“Then, what brings you by?” Her tone held the same caution as her smile.
“I came by to see if I could talk to you, actually,” I said, trying not to sound too panicked or aggressive.
“Okay,” she replied—a little carefully.
She opened the door wider and I stepped into their neat living room. Vacuum lines in the carpet. Stacks of paperbacks that must have been hers sat on the bookshelves, resting beside his collection of vinyl records and various military awards.
A pit of unease settled in my stomach. For better or worse, they had built a life together.