"I did! She told me to talk to you, since you're the expert. She's just the mannequin."
My brother ignores me and continues unpacking boxes of Christmas ornaments in preparation for our family's annual tree decorating party. Well, it's not so much a party as all of us struggling to shove as many decorations as possible onto the giant tree Dad has squeezed into the living room. Then when we all go home, Mom will take everything off and redecorate it with mathematical precision. God forbid the distribution of the tinsel should be even vaguely uneven.
This is why I love her.
Since Josh and I got back to New York a few days ago, I've been doing final preparations for my Christmas getaway with Liam, but there are some things I can't do without help. It's too bad my buttmunch of a brother is refusing to play ball.
"Ethan, please."
"No."
"Why not?"
"Because you're my sister. It would be weird and wrong."
"Oh, for the love of God, you two, stop bickering." My mom gives us both the stink eye as she brings in another box from the hallway closet. "It's like having teenagers in the house again. What on earth are you arguing about, anyway?"
Ethan shoots me a look. "Nothing, Mom. Don't worry about it."
"Yeah, it's all good, Mom. Ethan's just being a dick."
Mom narrows her eyes at us then shrugs. "Fine. I didn't want to get involved anyway. By the way, Ethan, your father wants to know if you can get us tickets to a show this weekend?"
"Sure. I can get anything you want."
"How about Hamilton?"
Ethan grimaces. "Except that. Can't get tickets without selling a body part or family member. Wait, let's try selling Elissa and see what happens. They can only say no, right?"
I laugh and throw a clump of tinsel at him. "You're an asshole."
"Elissa—" Mom clucks her tongue in response to my unladylike language. She's lucky I resisted the urge to call him a fucking asshole.
"Hey, Mrs. H," Josh says from where he's watching TV on the couch. "Awesome homemade croissants. Got any more?"
Mum puts down her box. "Sure, honey, I'll get you some. Anything to get away from the bickering."
Josh's face lights up. "You're the best, Maggie. Have I told you today how pretty you look tonight?"
Mom rolls her eyes and heads into the kitchen. She secretly loves spoiling Josh, and he exploits it every chance he gets.
"You could help out, you know," I say as my evil bestie turns back to the television.
"I'd love to," Josh says, "but I'm carb-loading right now. Angel will be back from Australia in January, and I want to ingest enough processed crap before then to give diabetes to a whole platoon of vegans. I have no time for frivolous Christmas chores."
"So Angel won't be back for Marco's New Year's Eve party?" I ask.
He takes a swig of his beer and flips through the channels. "Nope. I can't believe I'm finally in a relationship on New Year's Eve and don't get to kiss the hell out of her at midnight. What the hell is wrong with this world?"
"I'll kiss you, sweetheart," Ethan deadpans. "You just have to promise to not use tongue."
Josh smiles at him. "Aw, come on, big fella. Don't be shy. You know you want the tongue."
Ethan mimes vomiting onto the nativity scene before turning to unpack another box. I'm about to hassle him again about my favor when Cassie appears in the front hall. As usual, whenever his new wife is within a three-mile radius, everything else ceases to exist for my brother. I can't believe it was only a year ago they were upstairs banging like teenagers while we cleaned up Christmas Eve dinner.
It seems being married hasn't dulled my brother's endless fascination with Cassie. He watches her cross the room with the same level of pride as parents watching their child compete in the Olympics. If it wasn't so stinking cute, it would make me want to throw up all over our collector's edition Rudolph figurine.
"So," Cassie says to me as she gives Ethan a smile. "Did my man help you out? Are you all set?"
"Not even a little bit. He said it would be weird."
Cassie turns to my brother. "Ethan, your sister needs you. It's your duty to help."
"Honey, don't ask this of me. I beg you. I'll be scarred for life."
"Oh, please. Liam wants her to buy sexy lingerie, and no one knows more about that than you."
Ethan puts his arms around her. "Believe me, she could wear a canvas sack and Quinn would still lose his shit. Anything she chooses will be fine."
"Ethan, come on." Cassie's tone tells me my brother's already lost this one. "If you do this, you and Liam can bond over buying your women stupidly impractical intimate-wear. Wouldn't it be nice to share your hobby with a friend?"
Ethan drops his head onto her shoulder and sighs. "Fine. But let the record show I'm not at all comfortable helping my baby sister buy underwear that will make her man want to do filthy things to her. My therapy bills are expensive enough as it is."
"Noted." Cassie runs her fingers through his hair and leans in to whisper, "And, as a reward, you can pick up something up for me."